Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

A year ago I was still in language school in Costa Rica with four months to go until I finished.  I was dreaming and scheming and planning with absolutely zero concrete information about what life and starting a ministry in Honduras would look like.  I was unrealistic and over-confident.  There are things that I thought would be easy and things that I thought would move quickly that have panned out to be neither quick nor easy. 

And then I got here.  Life was not anything like what I had expected.

Summer teams were hard and not always joyful because I was tired and in culture shock and unsure where to focus my time and energy.  The blessing of a car to drive around turned into my biggest sense of anxiety since it broke down all the time.  My amazing team (which is still amazing) turned out to be only human after all and we had misunderstandings and I cried my way through team meeting.  I had red ants biting me while I slept at night and I sweated more than I had previously thought was humanly possible.

And yet…

Eight months later I cannot even count the blessings the Lord has given to me since moving to Honduras.  I live in a house that I love with roommates that I love and that push me to Jesus.  I am one step away from opening a home for young single moms that is only possible because the Lord clearly went before us in every step.  I get to minister daily to boys who spend their days on the streets acting tough, but then love to sit on the floor and do puzzles and curl up on the couch and watch Elf and Rio.  I get to talk about Jesus every day and have the ability to do so in Spanish, which is a miracle of the Lord in and of itself.  My money pit of a car has allowed me to make friends and get to talk about Jesus with people I otherwise would never have met.  My team is a great source of encouragement and joy and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.  My family and friends have gotten to visit and see my life here and they constantly pray for me and encourage me.

And I’ve learned.  I’ve learned so much about how needy I am for the Lord and for His wisdom.  I am painfully aware daily of how little I have to offer.  I know nothing about poverty and wealth and how to reconcile one with the other.  I struggle to share Christ with kids on a daily basis in a way that makes sense for their life.  I doubt that God is really going to provide what we need for Puerta de Esperanza in a timely manner.  I forget about all the ways He has already provided.  And so I sit.  And I pray.  And as a home, we are learning to devote our lives and days to the Lord and His wisdom and power because we have so very little to offer.  And praise Him for it because He alone has the power to change hearts and lives and draw people to Himself and offer real hope and redemption. 

I would love to make it my New Years Resolution to remember the goodness of the Lord and His faithfulness in my life and then trust Him completely with every day.  But I know that my heart is slow and stupid and there will be so many days that I forget.  But it doesn’t change His character.  He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  And He will continue to show His grace and goodness every day of 2012.

New Years Eve

“As this year draws to a close, receive My peace.  This is still your deepest need, and I, your Prince of Peace, long to pour Myself into your neediness.  My abundance and your emptiness are a perfect match.  I designed you to have no sufficiency of your own.  I created you as a jar of clay, set apart for sacred use.  I want you to be filled with My very being, permeated through and through with Peace.”   - Sarah Young

Driving in the mountains…

We live in a beautiful place

Gingerbread House Fun

Christmas was different this year, but so relaxing and fun.  I woke up to skype with my family and open my stocking with them.  Then Kate and I did advent and stockings here.  We had a few friends stop by to bring tamales and others just to visit.  And then we’d invited some of the boys over to hang out with us for the afternoon.  We watched Polar Express, made a gingerbread house, and ate homemade chicken nuggets.  Here are some fun gingerbread house pictures from our day :)

Less is More

In our Christmas activities with the kids, the Lord is teaching us an important lesson… less is more.  We had the Christmas party and thought we would have tons of kids, but we had 6.  And it was the perfect number.  And then on Wednesday for the concert we thought we would have a big group and then we had 7 (including a friend’s son).  And again, it was a so nice.

Caitlin and her sister Anna, Kate, me, David, Solomon, and Lester were all adults in attendance.  Which means each kid got some individual attention.  We could sit with them, hang out with them.  David wrote an off the cuff song for Jose.  We had way too much pizza.  But we had time to just hang out with them instead of having to bark orders to a whole group of rowdy kids.

I think they loved it.  The concert was excellent.  It really feels like Christmas to me now.  The kids clapped and sang Feliz Navidad and almost fell asleep because they usually go to bed at 7 :)  They gave the Christmas story from Joseph’s perspective and plainly shared the Gospel.  Yesterday I got to use that as a starting point to talk to two of the boys and I think they were really listening.

Sadly one of our boys that is dearest to our hearts has found his teenage attitude the past couple of weeks.  I think all you moms out there know what I’m talking about.  Slow to follow directions or choosing to do the opposite of what you just said, even when there is no visible advantage to being blatantly disobedient.  So… that was our hard moment of the night, having to tell him he can’t come spend Christmas with us because of His behavior.  But we pray that He sees Jesus in us, even in the tough love, and that our friendship with him will be better off for it in the long run.

Less kids but more conversation about Jesus.  I’ll take it.

Christmas concert

When I think Christmas concert I think Peace Church.  Mary did you Know, Happy Birthday Jesus, all manner of congregational talent, and special memories of singing with my dad and Gary Hodge (and other family members when we could talk them into it).

This years’ Christmas concert experience will be a little different!  My church here, Gran Comision, is having a big Christmas concert with a Gospel presentation through drama.  I have no idea what that really means except that they are going to clearly share the Gospel in Spanish, which is exactly what our kids need to hear day after day.  It’s a big deal and will be packed out.  We’re taking around 15 people ourselves.

Usually I tell you about stuff we do with the kids after the fact, but today I’m asking you to pray.  Wednesday night 9 of our kids will hear the Gospel clearly, please pray that God opens their ears to hear His Word.

And I’m excited for the music :)  Feels like its really Christmas.

Different Kind of Christmas

“It takes the whole Bible to tell this Story.  And at the center of the Story there is a baby.  Every Story in the Bible whispers His name.  He is like the missing piece in a puzzle – the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together, and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture.  And this is no ordinary baby.  This is the child upon whom everything would depend.  This is the child who would one day – but wait.  Our story starts where all good stories start.  Right at the very beginning…”   Jesus Storybook Bible

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder,and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore.  The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.” 
Isaiah 9:6-7

Its going to be really sad to not be home on Christmas.  I know that when I skype with my family on Christmas day and they are all there together without me, it will be so hard on my heart.  I come from a family of great Christmas traditions and a busy Christmas Day.  One of my favorite parts of Christmas is that everyone is invited.  We have a huge Christmas dinner and anyone who doesn’t have a place to go is invited.  I have never had to worry about offending my mom because I invited someone else to eat with us.  Christmas is such a special time for us.  But its also busy.

This Christmas season is so different.  We had a party for kids at our house, but it centered around the reading of the Christmas story.  We have prayed together every morning and taken time to do advent every Sunday (a tradition I’m thankful to my parents for starting).  There isn’t commercialism every time I look around, instead there is poverty.  We don’t ask the kids here what they want for Christmas, because they probably aren’t getting anything.  We have had to think of ways to bless them without just giving things away because giving tends to make them greedier.  So we have to remember.  What is Christmas?  What is it really about?  What can we give them that is lasting?

This is not to say that we will not give any Christmas gifts this year or not have Christmas movies playing (Kate is obsessed with Elf in Spanish) or not have a pile of Christmas cookies in the kitchen.  And when we go to the mall the forth floor of Carrion is a Christmas commercialism explosion.  But here, in my house, with these kids, I can remember.  Jesus was poor.  God sent his Son from His right hand to become poor.  This means more to me this year than ever before.  And its hard to swallow.  He was not what the world expected.  But He was the missing piece of the puzzle and God knew He was exactly the type of Savior that we needed.

Christmas Party

‘Tis the season for parties and good food, stories and cut-out snowflakes!  Well, that’s the story around here anyway :)

Christmas tree project!

Tortilla snowflakes decorated with colored sugar.  Thanks Pintrest :)

What’s a party without puzzles?

Christmas story from the Jesus Storybook Bible… the kids were really good listeners today!

And good food made my Jeffrey’s mom.  Delicious!

reading

This is just cuteness.

Newsletter - December 2011

Hey all... due to my recent "no posting photos online without permission" conviction, I am going to omit the photo page from my newsletters on my blog.  If you would like to get my newsletter by email with the photos attached, please send me your email address to ssinnes@gmail.com.  Thanks!

December 2011 Blog

Pavement Project put to use

This week I’ve gotten to start using the pavement project with some of our kids.  It makes it totally worth it all the time that we put in learning the process and the stories.  I love getting to sit with them and talk to them about Jesus and how he is near them in their sadness and how special they are to Him.

Their pictures are so telling.  They draw a picture before and after that shows what they compare themselves to in that moment.  One child this week drew a deer at the beginning.  This deer was lonely and sad and running alone through the mountains.  At the end he drew a sheep that was near the shepherd and had been found by Him.

I’m so thankful for this tool that the Lord put in our hands!

Knowing Love

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to not know that you were loved by someone?  Cherished by someone?  Important to someone?  Honestly, I don’t give a lot of thought to it.  I am so very blessed to have people in my life who love and support me, and not only that, but they tell me so I don’t have to guess.  I knew growing up that my parents loved me, but more than that, I was always confident that God loved me and cared deeply about me personally.

Last night I asked one of our regular visitors to the house what was the best thing that had ever happened to him in his life.  He took awhile to think about it, but when he answered, it was emphatic.  “Being here with you guys.”  Being a little taken aback, I tried to make sure that was really the best thing that had ever happened to him by asking more questions, but when I asked why he answered simply and without having to think about it.  “Because you love me.”

Wow.  What does that mean?  Does that mean that maybe he has never known before in his 11 years that he is loved?  It brought me to tears.  Could it be that God would use us to offer love and grace and security to this little boy in a way that he would know from this day on that he is loved.  Not just by us, but also by Jesus.

It was a precious time with him.  I got to share how much Jesus loves children, to the point of correcting his disciples because he wanted to the children to come to Him so He could bless them.  And I got to tell him the story of the shepherd and the lost sheep and that Jesus will always be there for him because he is just as important to the Lord as that one sheep was to the shepherd.

Please pray for this little one to sleep peacefully tonight knowing that He is loved by the one who will never leave him and never let him down.

The roommate dynamic is complete

About three weeks ago, Kate arrived and brought lots of joy and laughter to the house!  We’re not really sure what we did without her.

Kate is here primarily to start a drop-in center for street kids.  Oh the process… it will take some time before that actually comes to fruition.  In the meantime, she’s adjusting to life here and eagerly loving on the kids that we already know.

It has been a joy to get to know her and have her join our team and our lives here.  Kate has a compassionate heart that comes out toward every hungry child we see by the side of the road, but also towards her roommates.  She has loved and served us well already.  She is hilarious and crafty and has already made our home a prettier place to live.  And we have loved just bouncing ideas off of each other.  One of the things that we just really need here to people to process with.  We have no idea what we’re doing, if we’re honest.  So every morning we pray and just beg the Lord to show us what the day will hold. 

Please pray for Kate as she continues to adjust to life here and goes through transition of missing family and familiar things.

Blankets, crackers, flags, oh my!

Terry came to visit last week and brought some great presents!  It was like Christmas came early to open up her suitcase and see all the fun stuff that she brought!

Beautiful quilts made by Sharon!  She whipped them out fast and they are amazing.  I’m going to have some very happy girls!

the spread… hats from Janet…

Blankets from Kitty… and they are SO soft and where a complete surprise when they came.  I did not know that she was making them!

Also a surprise, this fun flag for Puerta de Esperanza made by Amy.  It was my grandma’s idea and she delegated and it turned out great!

And then fun stuff for me :)  Joannie’s rollo cookies were a huge favorite!  And everything else too of course!

Thank you to everyone who sent fun stuff for us and for Puerta de Esperanza!  You bless us more than you know!

New Website!

Hey everyone!  Wow… I’m so behind on blogging.  But I’ll start with something exciting!

MTW has a new website!  Check it out here…

I love the new logo.  It looks great!

But it also means that there is a new way to give money… go here to donate money to my personal ministry budget or Puerta de Esperanza.

Here are the account numbers…
Shannon #13520
Puerta de Esperanza #92413

If the Lord is calling you to support our ministry in Honduras, please consider giving to Puerta de Esperanza.  We are trying to set a start date for the first week of January.  But we’re waiting to announce it for sure until we have our paperwork in hand! 

Another way to support our ministry is to give to the school supplies drive by December 31st.  Please contact Mike Pettengill at mikepettengill@yahoo.com if you want to make a monetary donation instead of shipping supplies.

Just another day

I think I’m done saying “Its been one of those days”… b/c there seem to be a lot of them recently, so maybe they aren’t the exception so much as the rule.

The Pit, now also named Beelzebub, is back in action causing all kinds of problems with the AC and radiator.  Awesome.

The good news.  The Lord has given me so much peace.  Its just a car.  It will not steal my joy!

Good things in the last two days…
1. Terry is here!  Love that.
2. So much forward motion.  Even in the midst of seemingly unproductive days, the Lord is moving us forward meeting the right people, scheduling interviews, organizing baby clothes, etc.
3. We’ve had great roommate prayer times
4. We love our boys who hang out with us… they just make me smile.

School Supplies

Its that time of year again!  Kids here in Honduras start school in February and many of them cannot afford to buy the basic items that they need to go to school… notebooks, pens, pencils, etc.  We would love to be able to help by collecting these items and giving them out to kids in Armenia Bonito and to some of the kids that come to our house, and to the kids in Puerta de Esperanza.

Think basic.  Things that every kid needs to have in school.

If you would like to donate some school supplies, please mail them by December 31st to…

Mike & Erin Pettengill
P.O. Box 1090
La Ceiba, Atlantida
Honduras, Central America

If you would rather send money then we can go and buy the stuff here in Honduras.  Not quite as fun, but saves on postage!

How a wound can build relationships

Friday morning I am helping kids make about 3 different Thanksgiving dishes when the doorbell rings again, its not a kid this time, its Jeffrey’s mom.  I am surprised to see her because Jeffrey isn’t there and we haven’t seen him all week.  But that’s why she came, to tell us that he is sick and has a problem with his leg.  I love that she came!  I have intentionally been trying to get to know her and praying for ways to minster to her. 

In our conversation she told me that she has been reading the Jesus Storybook Bible that we gave Jeffrey and that she has been so helped and encouraged by it!  And I started to tear up.  When I gave her a little money to help with medical bills tears started rolling down her face.  And I was crying right along with her.

Thankfully Elizabeth Ann is a rockstar in the kitchen (more to come on her later, but she’s an amazing friend who came to visit for Thanksgiving) and took over preparing lunch for 30.  How many friends do that for you?  She’s awesome.

I was off to take Jeffrey’s mom to the pharmacy, but upon seeing this… I knew we needed more than a pharmacy, we needed nurse Erin!

I couldn’t watch.  As long as Jeffrey was crying from pain I was crying right along with him.  But he did really well and let her clean it out and bandage it up.  Erin was so good with he and his mom and gave them vitamins and antibiotic and everything they needed.

The Lord really used this sweet time with Jeffrey’s mom.  She couldn’t believe that Erin would give her vitamins… not just for her kids, but for HER!  She was overwhelmed and teary at being loved so well.  On the way home I got to tell her that we would like to help Jeffrey go to school next year and she was so thankful.  I got to pray for her before I dropped her off and I can say without a doubt that the Lord was doing something wonderful during my time with her.  She is open to the Lord and loves her family dearly.  She is humble and thankful and such a strong mom all at the same time.

This time was a huge blessing for me and a real answer to prayer.  Please continue to lift this family up to the Lord for his healing and provision for their physical and spiritual needs!

Another day of giving Thanks

One day of turkey and sweet potatoes just isn’t enough, so this year we had two!  On Friday we invited all of the kids who come to our house to come and have Thanksgiving lunch with us complete with the traditionals plus, of course, boxed macaroni and cheese!

They played…

and cooked…

and ate…

Kate was able to use one of the stories from our new green bag from pavement project to share the Gospel with the kids.  They loved the colorful pages and listened carefully to how much the Lord loves them each and wants children to draw near to Him.  It was so fun to be able to walk around and talk with them after the story to see what they got out of it.  I really think the Lord is doing something in these kids.

Its hard sometimes.  We had to make 4 kids leave because they just couldn’t get along with others.  We have a “no fighting” policy and its just so hard for kids whose first survival instinct is to put their fists up.  So please be praying that the Lord shows them His love in such a huge way that it will overflow to how they love others.

Also, just by way of comment… it was like loves and fishes the way the food went around.  We fed 32 people and one 13 pound turkey just shouldn’t do that.  And we had leftovers!

An item for prayer

I found out this week that our permission from the government could come through as soon as three weeks from now!  That would allow us to open the doors and have girls move in to Puerta de Esperanza before Christmas!! :)

Please join me in praying that the Lord brings all the paperwork through swiftly and easily.  And pray that He brings all the people that we need, all the funds that we need, that all the interviews go smoothly in Spanish, and that I will just rest and trust that He has it all under control!

I’m excited, and surprisingly not overwhelmed.  Just waiting and trusting and moving forward one small step at a time.

Prayer

"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you." – Augustine

I’ve used this quote on here before, but its because I love it.  And recently I have found it to be so true in my own life.

Kate moved here last week!  So now we are a house family of three who will be here though April and then we’ll be crying for days when Caitlin leaves us.  As we have tried to settle in, we made a house calendar (a very cute pinterest one, by the way!) that includes an 8am prayer time every day.

I don’t know that I’ve ever done anything so good for my heart.  To come before the Lord every morning and just give our lives to Him, our house, our interactions, our ministry, all the things that overwhelm us… I have felt more at peace in the midst of the same craziness of life.

We were made to find out REST in the LORD.

This week Christopher was here while we were praying one morning so we invited him to join us.  One thing we learned in pavement project was to ask kids if they have anything they want to ask God and then remind them that they can pray anywhere and at any time.  And I love the prayers of kids.  But its amazing what we learned about this little boy.  His step-dad is in the hospital because he got hit by a bus, but he’d never told us.  He needs new clothes for Christmas, but they won’t celebrate at all because they don’t have any money.  So we prayed, together, that the Lord would meet these needs.  It was such a sweet time.

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was just a good day.  I have nothing better to say about it :)  It was cool outside, my heart was at rest, I ate delicious food, spent time with wonderful people, and nothing that we cooked tasted terrible!

In the spirit, here’s some thankfulness…

1. The Lord’s undeserved goodness and grace to me
2. Prayer and the way that the Lord uses it to put my heart at rest
3. Honduran kids that give hugs and serve us and let us into their life
4. Good food
5. My team that is finally all in the same place at the same time
6. Caitlin’s sense of humor, heart to serve, honesty, love for people, and maturity beyond her years
7. As much as I hate it… I’m thankful for “The Shred”, moreso now that my muscles are healing and can walk down the stairs again
8. EA’s generous heart, skill in the kitchen, and love for prayer
9. Cool weather
10. Kate’s heart for street children, ability to have us laughing, and her faith that points me back to Jesus
11. My family and how we all know how to play competitive croquet (its true)
12. Resources to make Thanksgiving dinner for the boys today
13. That my car AC this week was an easy fix
14. Good friends who keep in touch and remind me that I am missed and loved
15. That I really do love Honduras and the life God has given me here

I could go on… but you get the point :)  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Entering In

More from the book (Kisses From Katie)… I told you that you should just read it.  And just wait you’ll see it again :)

Anyway… I love this because it is who I want to be.  I was so convicted over the last month that just living in Honduras is not enough.  Just letting kids into my house and feeding them and playing with them isn’t enough if I’m not telling them about Jesus and entering into their world, their hearts, their pain…  So I’m learning.  I’m learning about sacrificing my wants for the sake of others.  I’m learning about the balance between giving my life away and trying to take care of myself.  And I’m learning the best thing I could possibly do is just pray and give these kids up to the Lord over and over again every day.  And in that I’m starting to to get a glimpse of how the Lord can use me in the midst of all of it.

“I sometimes got caught up in the ‘I deserve this’ moments; I still do. I have moments when I compare myself to other people and trick myself into believing that I am doing pretty well. there are still moments when I believe I should be able to relax and do nothing some afternoon, instead of taking care of one more sick person. There are moments when I think that because I have worked hard all day, I deserve to be able to sit down and eat my food instead of answering the door for one more person who needs help… the truth is that these thoughts are not at all scriptural. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that I deserve a reward here on earth. Colossians 3:23 says, ‘Whatever you do work at it with all your heart.’ It does not end in ‘and after this hard work you deserve a long hot bath and some me time.’ It does end with ‘since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.’”

“Don’t misunderstand; it is not easy. But it is simple in that each of us was ultimately created to do the same thing. It will not look the same. It may take place in a foreign land or it may take place in your backyard, but I believe that we were created to change the world for someone. To serve someone. To love someone the way that Christ first loved us, to spread His light.”

“And even though I realize I cannot always mend or meet, I can enter in. I can enter into someone’s pain and sit with them and know. This is Jesus. Not that He apologizes for the hard and the hurt, but that He enters in, He comes with us to the hard places. And so I continue to enter.”

“We aren’t really called to save the world, not even to save one person; Jesus does that. We are just called to love with abandon. We are called to enter into our neighbors’ sufferings and love them right there.”

Kisses From Katie

As promised… here’s the “Kisses from Katie” post.  You can read Katie’s blog here.  Or just read the book…

“I have learned along my journey that if I really want to follow Jesus, I will go to the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. We must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it. After all, the murder had to take place before the resurrection. I’ll be honest: The hard places can seem unbearable. It’s dark and it’s scary, and even though I know God said He will never leave or forsake me, sometimes it’s so dark that I just can’t see Him. But then the most incredible thing happens: God takes me by the hand and walks me straight out of the hard place and into the beauty on the other side. He whispers to me to be thankful, that even this will be for His good.”

Another Kind of Safety

Quotes from “Kisses From Katie” by Katie Davis

“People often ask me if I think my life is dangerous, if I’m afraid.  I am much more afraid of remaining comfortable.  Matthew 10:28 tells us not to fear things that can destroy the body but things that can destroy the soul.  I am surrounded by things that can destroy the body.  I interact daily with people who have deadly diseases, and many times I am the only person who can help them.  I live in a country with one of the world’s longest running wars taking place just a few hours away.  Uncertainty is everywhere.  But I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul: complacency, comfort, and ignorance.  I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus  than I am of any illness or tragedy.”

I’ve been thinking.  People have a habit of telling me be “BE SAFE!”  This is a reasonable sentiment, especially in the past month when I’ve been traveling all over the place in countless planes, buses, and taxis.  And yet… a part of me balks at this well-meaning phrase. 

I just want to say… “I am safe!”  My mom used to say, I’m much more frightened of the ER than I am fearful of death.  And I must say, I agree.  There is no question in my mind that I will be with Jesus when I die and honestly, sometimes that is even more appealing than the broken world that surrounds me.  I cannot think of a safer place to be than right here where the Lord has me, saying yes to meeting the needs that come literally to my front door.

I don’t see myself in an extreme situation like the writer of this book.  But the question of safety has been raised.  And its so hard to find the line between faith and wisdom when it comes to who to let come in the house, what little mouths to feed, what hands to bandage up.  And I just can’t get away from thinking that these little hearts are not safe yet.  And if letting them come in and sit on my couch and learn their letters and hear that they are loved by Jesus gets them one step closer to being with Him for eternity, then I am willing.  Safe or not.

I knew when I graduated from college that I wouldn’t go home and live there forever because it was too comfortable for me.  The Lord still saw fit to challenge me in huge ways the years that I was there, but there is something different for me about living in the middle of poverty and need.  It challenges me.  It reminds me what is important in the long run.  It reminds me that I need to pray.  And it reminds me that Jesus has the power to save!  Regardless of economic status, the Word of God is living and active and brings hope and healing.  It really is the greatest gift.

“Jesus called His followers to be a lot of things, but I have yet to find where He warned us to be safe.  We are not called to be safe, we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us.  And there is no better place to be than in His hands.”

Street Child Newsletter

This month the work in Honduras in featured in the MTW's Street Children newsletter, so I thought I would share it with you. Its much more impressive than my normal newsletter :)

Street Child Newsletter

Privacy

When I first got to Honduras I felt really strongly about taking pictures and talking about kids and posting it on the internet.  You may remember the surprisingly absent amount of pictures on my first blogposts about the kids coming to our house.  I felt strongly that I wanted them to know that I wanted to know THEM… not just take their picture.  And I wanted to protect them and their privacy.

Then life happened.  It is just so easy when you live here and you love these kids and they seem like they are your family.  And you want everyone at home to see their precious faces and love them the way that you do because a picture expresses a thousand words.  It really does.

But I’m learning.  What I want to do is not always best.  Through my visits to childrens’ homes and the pavement project training, I was really convicted that for me I need to stick to my original train of thought.  One thing that someone told me stuck out to me so much.  She just reminded me that so many of these kids have suffered abuse and their abuser is still out there somewhere.  I just want to be careful that I don’t put them in harms way for the sake of a picture.

I am telling you this not to force my convictions on anyone else.  But rather, to explain.  You probably won’t be seeing pictures of the Puerta de Esperanza girls on this blog.  I feel more comfortable sending out pictures via email where they aren’t for all the world to see.  So we’ll see how that goes later.  But that’s why the nameless girl in the last post and the lack of pictures of her smiling face and the face of her precious daughter.  You’ll just have to trust me that today they looked full of joy!

He is before ALL things…

And in Him all things hold together.” – Colossians 1:17

This is the verse I read to a 15 year old girl at 9:20 this morning before we made our way back to La Ceiba.  It’s a verse I’ve put on this blog before as it has really become a life verse for me.  This morning I read it for my sake just as much as hers. 

She is 15, has a 15 month old baby, was kicked out of the only home she’d ever known, spent time on the street, and is so fearful that no one will ever want her.  She is insecure and timid because of where she has come from.  But she is a good mom, a playful kid at heart, and wants desperately to make good choices for her life and the life of her daughter.

I am 28 with a huge job ahead of me.  I have no idea what I’m doing or what steps to take next.  I need a staff, girls, money, knowledge of the school system, more Spanish, and the list goes on.  And then I have a personal life where my car is leaking power steering fluid and I spent more money than I wanted to on a yellow fever shot adventure.  But I want to know more of Jesus, I want to serve Him and say yes when He calls.  I want to pray more and feel anxious less.  I want to learn to trust my Father.

And the Lord loves us.  Both of us.  And He holds us in His hands.  And He goes before us in every step.  And it is only because of Jesus that our lives don’t come crashing apart.

This morning I think we both felt peaceful.  I know that I did.  We both shed a few tears as I prayed and I know I shed more as the day went on.  But we were reminded of our God who loved us and knows us and calls us each by name.

And here’s the best news.  She wants a bedroom.  Seriously, she fell in love with a bedroom with sunlight streaming in the window.  And sitting on the bed after talking through all of her questions, this precious girl told me that she wants to be our first girl to live in the home and be a part of what God is doing there!  She knows we don’t know what we’re doing yet… and she still has the courage and faith to jump in with us!  Wow.  I asked the Lord to bless us with easy girls at first to get our feet wet and He has more than answered.  There will be bumps in the road, but I love this girl already.  And also… today she ate pizza for the first time in her life.  Can you imagine?  And she loved it :) 

Currency

Let’s count it up…

Dollars, Lempira, Soles, Quetzales, Pesos

Yep, they’ve all been in my wallet in the past month.  Sheesh.

But as of today I’m retired them all for the Lempira because I am HOME!  Back in my house, in my bed, on my couch.  I feel like I just sounded like the seagulls from Finding Nemo… “mine, mine, mine, mine, mine…” The honest thing is though… that’s how I feel!  So glad to be HOME!  And really so thankful in my heart that this place now really feels like HOME!

We did it!

After an intense week of training, Kate and I are both certified by SGM lifewords to use their “Maletin Verde” and do counseling with at risk kids using the Pavement Project material!

Believe me… it’s a big deal :)

Here’s some pictures from the week… not great ones, but… whatever!

This is Kate doing her first practice counseling session

The famous maletin verde

Kate and I with our fellow MTW missionary Martha who works with street children in Mexico City.  She was helping to lead the training and was able to tell us many stories of how the Lord has used this material in the lives of kids.

Here we are!  Our fearless leaders and 8 participants armed with our new supplies. 

It was a BLESSING to meet all of these ladies and get another glimpse of all that the Lord is doing to draw people to Himself around the world.  All these women work with kids at risk and the Lord has given them a real love for Him and for His Word.

Best news of all… armed with my yellow fever vaccine card… I’m going home!  I’ll be back in Honduras tonight :)

On humility

If you ask any of my friends they can tell you… I have a life motto.

“If you’re not good at something, just don’t do it.”

Its true.  I have lived by that motto… until moving to a Spanish speaking country.  There is nothing more humbling than being in “Spanish Kindergarten” as I took to calling language school.  Well, I thought there wasn’t anything more humbling.  But here I am.

This training has challenged me to the end of my language ability, but also to the core of my heart and who I am.  I realized, again, how prideful I am.  I have found myself thinking over and over again… if only this was in English, I could do it so easily.  Well praise the Lord that it isn’t because I would have been missing the point.

Tomorrow I have to do a counseling session with a kid that I have never met before while 8 national Spanish speakers and 2 fluent gringas watch me on a TV screen.  Really?!?  Awesome.  Lets take all the things that are hard for me and squeeze them into one 45 minute session.  Great.

But it will be great.  I have had to pray and rely on the Lord this week so much.  I know that the words that I speak will be His words, and the work that happens in the life of this child will be His work.  If he wants me to speak clearly, I will.  And none of it by my own strength.

So, I concede to doing something things that is not a strength and just pray that God will get the glory.  You can pray too… you know… if you want. :)

We’re official

There are so many different steps to making Puerta de Esperanza official in all the different facets.  But, we made a huge leap this week because we are now officially an MTW project!  We have an account number and everything.

This is good news because it means that people can now give funds directly to Puerta de Esperanza.

I’m reading a book called “Kisses from Katie”.  Soon you’ll be getting so many quotes from it on this blog that you might as well read it yourself.  But I don’t have enough time for that right now. :)  But she is a missionary in Uganda and talks about fundraising.  I must admit… she has a MUCH better attitude about it than I do.  But I’m going to try to learn from her.

I do value the opportunity to share what the Lord is doing in Honduras and in the lives of girls that I am already meeting.  But more than that, in this step of the process, I would love to be able to share with you and blow you away with how the Lord has already provided so much of what we need.  And I want to petition you to pray that the Lord would provide the staff that I need and the girls who need to live there.  And please pray that I will trust the Lord’s timing and His plan and that I would give up my striving to just follow in His leading.  To me these prayers are so much more valuable at this moment than your finances.

And yet, we need finances as well.  I just had to turn in a budget and its more money than we have right now.  The girls didn’t move in in October like I thought they would b/c that was not the Lord’s timing.  So there is no one helping with the bills.  I’m more convinced than ever that we need to hire a physiologist and a social worker to be part-time and I wasn’t planning on that.  So… we do have financial needs.

Please pray for us!  And please consider giving monetarily.  If you’re interested or if you want to know more, please email me at ssinnes@gmail.com.  And if you want to give… here is the info you need.

Click here and put in this project account number when you give #92413.

Thank you thank you thank you :)

Quick update…

My life is so crazy these days that I want to apologize for my lack of blogging but its honestly b/c I have had no other choice.  And I’m without internet most of the week… so it will be awhile before I can post again.  But when I do, it will probably lots stored up :)  I have so much I want to say.  For now, here’s this…

Just wanted to give you all an update. Kate and I just finished our first full day of training in Mexico City for the pavement project. This program is AWESOME! And we cannot wait to implement it in Honduras. I for one am so thankful for the Lord's blessing today on my Spanish. I was able to understand about 95% of what was being said, and that's awesome. I've really been praying for the Lord to open my ears b/c I've been nervous that my Spanish isn't good enough. If anything has been impressed upon me in the last 3 weeks of traveling, visiting sites, and learning it would be this. Jesus is the most important thing. Without a doubt, He is doing it, He is changing hearts. And I have to trust Him... so much more than I have been trusting Him. And I have to pray every morning that I will stop doings things according to my plan and just say yes to what He has for me that day. So... when you read this, please just pray for us. Pray that we will soak up everything that we need to learn. But more importantly that we will trust Jesus, and trust the precious children that we will be working with to Him, and that we will learn to stop striving and just say YES to what the Lord has for us to do. Thanks so much for your love and support.

Back to your regularly scheduled life…

After a week in Guatemala, I’m now back to my regularly scheduled life. :)  I was supposed to arrive yesterday to Guatemala to spend a few days with the Messicks before heading on to Mexico City.  So, here I am!  We will be heading to the city Wednesday to stop by Antigua and then get me to my flight on time on Thursday morning.

This week has been stretching in so many ways.  I’m a control freak (no surprise if you know me at all!) and I always have a plan.  This past week totally threw off my groove.  And then I got bronchitis… awesome.  And the Messicks just found out that they are moving back to Colorado in 2 WEEKS!  So we’ve had garage sales and times for them to say goodbye and lots of stress and tears all around.

All that to say… the Lord has had a lot to teach me.  I’ve been constantly reminded of His goodness and grace and provision.  But also reminded that I am selfish and consumed with my life and my schedule.  Basically I need Jesus.  Sometimes I just really need that reminder.

From Guatemala City I will be heading on to Mexico City to visit MTW’s street children’s centers in Acapulco and attend the week long training for the “Pavement Project”.  I am so excited and so nervous about this coming week of training.  I’m worried my Spanish isn’t good enough, that I won’t have the right clothes (dumb I know, but I’m still packed for cold Peru), that I won’t be able to pay attention for 8 straight hours in Spanish, that no one will be able to understand me in our practice counseling sessions, etc.  So please pray.  Pray that the Lord will give me peace and speak through me.  This is so important and really lays the foundation for one of the main ways I’ll be sharing the Gospel with the girls in Puerta de Esperanza.  I feel the weight of that as I so desperately want them to know Jesus.  But I also know that it isn’t anything that I will say or do that will win them to Jesus, only His grace can do that.  Praise the Lord!

A Bend in the Road

My most recent unexpected bend in the road has me sitting here in Guatemala doing lots of administration stuff that I can do via internet and making some progress on boring stuff that I have to get done for Puerta de Esperanza.  So, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise?

I still miss my bed, my kitchen, my life, my normal.

But I’m excited to spend some time playing Monopoly with the boys, dress-up with Taylah, taking pictures, reading with Micah, playing in the hose, doing haircuts, swinging on the hammock, and just really enjoying one of my favorite families.  I’ve missed them. 

So here are some pictures for you of our time…

And as I walk with this family through a hard time of transition in their lives, it is a constant reminder to me that the Lord is a provider.  He is reminding us of that over and over again as He shows us how He is going to meet each one of their needs.

Newsletter - October 2011

October 2011

Just zoom

Elijah (3yrs) : You have black pajama pants with spots.  Do you have more pajama pants?
Me: Yep… but they are in Honduras, not here in Guatemala
Elijah: Oh, well you can get them when daddy takes you to get your bathing suit.
Me:  Elijah, that would be really nice, but my house is so far away from here.
Elijah:  Its okay… you can just zoom.

Wouldn’t that be nice? 

Downfall of being a laid-back traveler

I have been in Cusco for the past few days visiting the Josephine house and getting to see some really sweet friends!

This morning I told Kristen that I was a laid-back traveler these days.  That is what comes from being on a plane all the time.  You stop thinking you have to be at the airport quite so early, you don’t stand up the first time they call boarding for your flight, you forget to clarify if you need a visa so that you nearly have a heart attack at the airport.

Well… I think my laid back traveling days are over because tonight, instead of being back in Honduras, I’m stuck in Guatemala City.  And I won’t be home until November the 12th.  What in the world?!?  I did not pack or prepare to be gone for almost a month.

Apparently Honduras is the only country in central or north america where you have to have the yellow fever shot coming back from Peru… 10 days before you can come back in!  I found this out at the check-in counter on my way home.  Awesome.  And totally my fault for not researching it.

I’ll admit there was freaking out, and a few (okay a lot of) tears.  10 days from today I’m supposed to be at a training in Mexico City for the pavement project, which complicated things even more. 

So here I am, in a hotel, in Guatemala City.  I’m so thankful for the kindness of the Messicks who are going to house me and hang out with me so I don’t go crazy with loneliness over the next week.  And ultimately, my time in Lima gave me tons to think through and process and there are so many things I can start on from here.  So it should even be productive.

And it just shouldn’t matter that much that I’m not sleeping in my own bed or that I have to wear the same clothes all month… I think I will believe that in the morning :)

Starbucks makes me homesick

This morning I sat in a Starbucks for the first time in a long time.  I had a jacket on, which is rare these days, and a hot chocolate in my hand.  There was American music playing in English and the people at the table next to me were speaking English.  I had my Bible and journal in front of me and I felt like I was home. 

It didn’t make me sad, I think it just felt peaceful and familiar and I loved that. :) 

Worth it

This afternoon a baby fell asleep on my lap.  There are few things in the world that I love more than having a little one trust me so completely to just sleep while I cuddle with him.

I have loved my time here visiting and learning about the House of Glory.  I have been picking Amanda’s brain non-stop and she has been so patient.  There are a thousand questions running through my mind non-stop… “What things did you do that you wish you hadn’t done when you started?”  “What didn’t you do that you should have?”  “How do you discipline?” “What kind of skills do you teach?” “Are the babies on a schedule?”… the list goes on and on and on.  I have questions about staff and girls and social services.  I just realize how little I know.

And paperwork… they have tons of it.  I’ve maybe typed up 5 things total pertaining to Puerta de Esperanza.  I’m nowhere near having a manual!

So… I’m overwhelmed.  There is so much to be done.

But there is so much redemption.  This is the theme of what I have seen in this place.  The Lord has done amazing things!  Right now there are 3 girls living in the home.  I was talking to one of them today and she told me that none of them came into the home knowing God, but all have accepted Him as their Savior.  They are passionate about the Lord and excited to share the Gospel.  They go to an evangelism class at church and really love it.  They share the Gospel with teachers and their families.  They pray that their abusers would come to know Christ.  Wow.  Redemption.  There is no other word for it.  Only the grace of God can change hearts in such a radical way. 

These girls come in angry and fearful, scared and hardened and then the love of Christ enters their hearts.  And they are changed.  Its amazing.

They were excited to hear that there will be a home like this in Honduras.  One of the girls told me that she would tell any girl who had the opportunity to live there to go… she said, “I would tell her that it would change her life.  She will be loved and supported and learn about Christ.  And coming to know God is the most important thing.”

Its worth it.  All the feelings of being overwhelmed, all the paperwork and the decisions.  All the anxiety and fear.  Its worth it.

Please please pray.  I’m overwhelmed.  Pray for personnel who love Jesus and will love these girls.  Pray for a Social worker who loves the Lord and a physiologist as well who can work with them.  Pray for a house abuela who can love them without getting burnt out.  Pray for so much wisdom and discernment for me as I seek to form a team to do this ministry.  Pray for all our paperwork to go through by the first of December.  And pray that the Lord would bring girls!

Accent

Last night I got laughed at for my Honduran accent... Hmm I didn't know I had one, but it makes me excited! Apparently my Spanish is more sing-songy than the monotone Spanish of Lima. Interesting...

One of many things I learned yesterday, and probably the least important:)

Great Opportunity

I’m wearing sweatpants :)  And I love it.

This morning finds me in Lima, Peru visiting with MTW missionaries the Rosses.  I’m so thankful for their generosity to let me stay with them and share with me the wisdom that they have.  The Rosses started a girl’s home here for pregnant girls and young moms called “House of Glory”.  It is the most similar thing that MTW does to what I’ll be doing in La Ceiba with “Puerta de Esperanza”.  And you want to hear the best news… they didn’t really know what they were doing when they started either?  So there is hope :)

I’m really thankful for this opportunity to go visit their girls, learn how the home functions, what kind of rules they have, how counseling with the girls works, etc.  It is going to be so helpful.

Please pray for my time here.  Pray that the Lord gives me vision and wisdom for the future in La Ceiba.  Pray that I will feel renewed and excited about the work that He is doing and will do.  Pray that I will return to La Ceiba and see that He has been at work in my absence preparing an abuela for the house and the girls that will live there.  I’m praying that he brings these people into my life in the next month.

Thanks for caring what is going on here and lifting me up to the Lord.  I know that He is doing this and moving us forward.  And I know that know very little about what I’m doing :)  So… keep praying!

Panic Attack

Me: good morning
Taco lady: good morning where are you headed?
Me: Lima, Peru
Taco lady: do you have your visa?
Me: ummm no, what? Don't I get it when I get here?

And then I started freaking out...

Taca lady: let me check. (minutes tick by) Okay seat or aisle...
Me: wait what about the visa?
Taco lady: oh sorry... You don't need one.

Nothing like a heart attack to wake you up at 5:15 in he morning.

To be known…

This week I had a dream that one of my close friends told me they hated me.  I woke up knowing that it wasn’t true… but it struck a chord. 

Maybe it’s a lack of time with Jesus, maybe it’s a lack of faith, maybe it’s human nature. 

I want to be known, and loved.  I want to know that I’m not forgotten about while I’m off living in a foreign country.  I want to know that when people do things that I used to be a part of that they notice the fact that I’m not there.  I want someone to eat a fried dough at the fair in my honor, I want someone to say that the Thanksgiving gravy doesn’t taste as good b/c I wasn’t there to make it.  Maybe I’m selfish.

But I think it’s who I am and the Lord knows that.  He knows it because He put it there inside of me.  And He reminds me that He knows me… and loves me… better than I know.  He knew that I would need Him because people wouldn’t be enough to fill that need that I have to be loved.

And then… not only did He look at me, see all my mess, know me perfectly and choose to love me… He also gave me blessings, and so many of them.  A friend who reminds me that she doesn’t hate me, but really loves and cares.  A family who comes and invests their lives to know my life and share it with me.  A grandma who prays for me every morning.  Friends who put up with skype when the internet is terrible just to be able to get caught up.  People who support me with money, prayers, cards, emails. 

I think the Lord knew that every once in awhile I would need someone with skin on… He is good to me. 

Its really happening…

Thank you, thank you, thank you… to everyone who donated stuff, bought stuff, or gave money to help with the proceeds of nan’s yard sale.  Puerta de Esperanza is really happening! Look at all this fun stuff we were able to buy!

Refrigerator, stove, washing machine outside…

Kitchen stuff!

My favorite part :)

beds beds beds

About a month ago I called dad and asked if he and Rick could build beds when they came down to visit.  I really wanted each girl to be able to have a bed/dresser that they would use in the home and then be able to take with them when they leave.  Most of these girls have never slept on a good bed with a real mattress before, much less had anything to call their own.  So, a plan was born.

Don’t they look awesome?  And everyone also gets a bookcase!  Love it.  Thanks dad and Rick for all your hard work! (and John, and Xan, and Jeffri, and mom, and Patti…) :)

Nan in Honduras

It was only the second time she has ever left the country.  Lets be honest… nan has friends all over the world and could travel just about anywhere and have a place to stay.  I mean, she even has people that would probably pay for her to come if she would just give the word.  But… I think I must just be her favorite of them all because last week found my grandmother here in Honduras. :)

I know it killed her to not be able to talk to the kids.  Although she was making good use of her Spanish… “Donde esta el bano?”  And she made a great effort with all the other phrases I wrote down for her as well.  And I will say, the Bette McGee look translates because I think even little Honduran kids knew when they were being disobedient just by one look at her face.

Here are some favorite moments caught on film… well… disk.

Helping Erin at kid’s club

Some of the kids who come to the house in the mornings

The beach of course!

Sorting things at Puerta de Esperanza

So excited about all the stuff we were able to get with the yardsale money!