Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

A year ago I was still in language school in Costa Rica with four months to go until I finished.  I was dreaming and scheming and planning with absolutely zero concrete information about what life and starting a ministry in Honduras would look like.  I was unrealistic and over-confident.  There are things that I thought would be easy and things that I thought would move quickly that have panned out to be neither quick nor easy. 

And then I got here.  Life was not anything like what I had expected.

Summer teams were hard and not always joyful because I was tired and in culture shock and unsure where to focus my time and energy.  The blessing of a car to drive around turned into my biggest sense of anxiety since it broke down all the time.  My amazing team (which is still amazing) turned out to be only human after all and we had misunderstandings and I cried my way through team meeting.  I had red ants biting me while I slept at night and I sweated more than I had previously thought was humanly possible.

And yet…

Eight months later I cannot even count the blessings the Lord has given to me since moving to Honduras.  I live in a house that I love with roommates that I love and that push me to Jesus.  I am one step away from opening a home for young single moms that is only possible because the Lord clearly went before us in every step.  I get to minister daily to boys who spend their days on the streets acting tough, but then love to sit on the floor and do puzzles and curl up on the couch and watch Elf and Rio.  I get to talk about Jesus every day and have the ability to do so in Spanish, which is a miracle of the Lord in and of itself.  My money pit of a car has allowed me to make friends and get to talk about Jesus with people I otherwise would never have met.  My team is a great source of encouragement and joy and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.  My family and friends have gotten to visit and see my life here and they constantly pray for me and encourage me.

And I’ve learned.  I’ve learned so much about how needy I am for the Lord and for His wisdom.  I am painfully aware daily of how little I have to offer.  I know nothing about poverty and wealth and how to reconcile one with the other.  I struggle to share Christ with kids on a daily basis in a way that makes sense for their life.  I doubt that God is really going to provide what we need for Puerta de Esperanza in a timely manner.  I forget about all the ways He has already provided.  And so I sit.  And I pray.  And as a home, we are learning to devote our lives and days to the Lord and His wisdom and power because we have so very little to offer.  And praise Him for it because He alone has the power to change hearts and lives and draw people to Himself and offer real hope and redemption. 

I would love to make it my New Years Resolution to remember the goodness of the Lord and His faithfulness in my life and then trust Him completely with every day.  But I know that my heart is slow and stupid and there will be so many days that I forget.  But it doesn’t change His character.  He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  And He will continue to show His grace and goodness every day of 2012.