Intertwined

Sometimes I get frustrated trying to think of to explain life here... family life and ministry life... at times seperate, but oh so intertwined. And I love it that way. I long time ago in a land far away I was in training to prepare me for this new adventure that would be my life in another country and although it was helpful, it didn't even touch what life here would really look like!

But one thing that we talked about sticks out to me... in talking about building friendships and ministering in a new culture it is important to not go in as the one who "knows it all". But humbly, as a learner, elevate those in your new culture, learn from them, show that you respect them because honestly, they know how to live in your new culture better than you do! This is so helpful in forming realationships and allowing you to earn the place to speak deeply into their lives.

Well, I'm not sure they intented for me to be such a learner that even in my own home I would marry a Honduran man and invest so deeply in the culture :) But the truth is that the truthes of that have stuck with me. But I haven't even had to do it on purpose. The girls at PDE are intertwined with us, they are irreversably a part of our lives here, a part of our family here. We spend so much time with us, they teach us things, they are our friends, we love sharing things with them.

A few weeks ago I was pretty sick... and sickness with four children is just not the same as single sickness where getting up once a hour to grab some water was sufficient. Sickness with children is impossible. And it was Thanksgiving and I was in charge of half the meal. Impossible when I could barely stand up. So B came over, cleaned my house, made me food, watched the kids, washed the dishes, helped make all my Thanksgiving foods, spent the night, and spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of gringos after having worked her tail off for 24 hours. And on her thankful link of the chain we were making she wrote... "I'm thankful to be a part of this family." And my eyes filled with tears when I saw it because I could only think... "I'm thankful that you are and for the way you have loved and served us so well." Intertwined.

K came over when we decorated for Christmas. She has been the most sad that we won't be here on Christmas day because she wanted to be able to celebrate with us! But she came over and put up Christmas ornaments and helped with the advent calendar and put up nativity scenes all over the house. And I read Christmas books to Andres and O and we put little tiny stockings on his feet like socks and we laughed and drank hot chocolate and she acted like one of my children. And my kids are the best because their daddy taught them a long time to ago to love anyone who comes into the house like family and they aren't jealous or bitter, they share what they have and they call people their family and they pray before every meal thanking God for whatever people happen to be sitting around the table that day. They always say "Thank you for Kenia that she is here." Whoever it happens to be that day...

K is teaching my kids to make corn tortillas, C fixes Nicolle's school uniform when the skirt is too long or the pants get a hole, J calls Lesther papi, they spend time at our house and have made their way into our hearts. Intertwined. And forever a part of our family.

Kids

I don't want to forget all the funny things my kids are doing and saying these days... but some of them I've already forgotten!

Andres says "monkey backpack" all the time as if its a conversation starter. But it kind of is since it makes anyone smile :) He thinks that the word for clock is ocho. The word for toilet is peepee potty. Where do you go peepee? In the peepee potty. Where do you go poo poo? In the peepee potty. He either says again or otratra vez because anything that is funny should clearly be done 3000 times. He loves to whisper hush along with the old lady from Goodnight Moon. He repeats everything! He says goodbye to water when you turn the shower off. And when he wants food he just asks for one. Una mami, una. He speaks Spanglish entirely refusing to say certain words in one language or the other.

The older three are constantly arguing over who speaks the most English. Its Nicolle, but I would never tell them that. And Dixi is a close second. I wish I could just have a tape recorder on them all the time as they switch back and forth from English to Spanish just using the words they know in each. Nicolle often insists (while speaking Spanish) that she is forgetting her Spanish and only speaks English now. All of them love the song by Bruno Mars "Today I don't feel like doing anything..." and break into song at any point in time. They also will just randomly tell me their memory verses when they feel like speaking English even though it is relevent to absolutely nothing. The two girls love to help me cook and I'm trying to figure out things they can make on their own. They help a lot with chores and are slowly getting to the point that I don't have to redo things when they are done :)

Today I had to laugh at Nicolle because she yelled from the backseat... "Mom... Dixi is touching me!" And I thought... yep, you speak enough English now that you are telling on each other in English.

This time with Dixi has been so fun and really not too hard of an adjustment. The kids really do play well together and are loving having another sibling around!

Goodbye and Reconciliation

Reconciliation... in my own words I would say that it is the renewal of right and healthy relationship that once was broken. The sweetest picture of this is my own life is my friendship with Christ. On my own strength I have no way to keep that relationship together, but Christ does the work of His side and mine... He is faithful enough for the both of us. And continues to draw me closer to Himself.

I believe that we see glimpses of reconciliation in our world and they are just incredible. Spouses who just couldn't see any option other than divorce that by the grace of God have a healthier marriage than ever, friends who experience healing through forgiveness and grace, estranged families being brought back together, and the list goes on.

For us making the decision for Y to move out of Puerta de Esperanza was heart-wrenching. She was our first girls who made the difference in PDE being a vision to a reality. She has a really tender place in my heart and I have watched her grow and change and mature and yet still have such deep scars. I want so badly to be able to "fix" things for her and make it all better. But the Lord has given me a thousand or so reminders that it is not my job. Its a good thing to want, but it has to happen in His time and in His way, and I am to be faithful to play my part in it and then just keep praying.

About three weeks ago Y made the decision to leave the home after a long string of poor behavior choices. She had threatened for a long time that she was going to run away or leave but was always able to be pursuaded to stay. This time her stubborness won out and she made enough bad choices that we didn't have a choice but to tell her that although we love her and she will always be part of our family she couldn't live in the home anymore. Wow. So hard. And then by the grace of God I got really sick.

I say by the grace of God because I couldn't do anything about her leaving until I felt better which gave her the chance to continue to live there, to feel the love of this family around her, to see their tears and know that she would be missed. It gave her time to council the other young girl to work hard to be able to stay, to take advantage of the opportunity. It gave her time to appreciate all the God has taught her and be thankful. It gave her time to say some goodbyes.

And the Lord provided Y's birth mom who has not lived with since she was 1 but who now is stable and kind and loves the Lord and has a stable family environment to offer. Could this be a picture of reconcilation? So many of Y's heart struggles have to do with her mom and feeling unloved and unwanted. And this same woman who she resents got on boat the very next day with a broken foot and came and hugged her and said she loved her and she wanted to take her home. She turned to me at one point nearly in tears and said... "I left her once, I am not going to do that again!" She could not have told me any more reassuring words than those.

It was still hard... she is a boat ride away with a family she doesn't really know yet and having a lot of time to think through things. Please pray. I am praying that this will be what the Lord uses to really get her attention. She has so much head knowledge of the Lord, but I just want her to know and understand forgiveness and grace and all that the Lord has for her. I spoke with her mom a lot about the Gospel and how much I long for Yajaira to really walk with the Lord and she promised to keep teaching her. So pray that not long from now I get a phone call that she finally gets it, finally understands what we have been teaching all this time.

And speaking of... little J has called me every day beacuse she misses us and doesn't understand this new direction of her little life. Please pray for her sweet heart to figure things out and settle in to her new home.

Its been emotional for all of us. But by the time I put her on the bus she hugged me in tears and said "Susana, I love you. Thank you for everything." I was just so thankful she didn't leave angry, but she knows she is very loved.

Hard

Wednesday I was talking to Kate and she said... "This is the hardest job I've ever had". I agree whole-heartedly. So hard... and yet... worth it. This job is a daily reminder that there is no way that I could ever do it. These ministries belong to the Lord and He alone sustains them.

I cannot be too specific just yet, but I am writing today to beg for your prayers because we are having to make a terribly hard decision. One of our girls is going to have to leave PDE for reasons of behavior. After being given a thousand chances even up to the last second, she has chosen to behave in such a way that she knew would mean she had to leave. Its something that is so hard to understand because in the depths of her heart I know she loves being there and knows its best for her, but she just can't seem to make that match her actions.

I am worried about her, but mainly for the child. We are starting today meetings with the lawyer and judge, phone calls with her family, trying to figure out what we can do that will be best for everyone involved. I love them both so much and want the absolute best for them.

Please pray that this will be the thing that pushes her to Jesus. Pray that God will provide a good place for the child. Pray for peace as we say goodbye and that we will be able to really trust the Lord that He goes with her even as she leaves.

Visas

Tuesday morning I prayed outside the embassy with Nicolle before they went inside... we prayed that we would trust that whatever God gives us is the best thing for us, even when it isn't what we want.

I wish that had stopped me from being nervous, but it didn't :) The two hours that my family was inside having their interviews was terrible! But ended with the great news that Lesther's mom and our three kids have visas to travel to the states! Praise the Lord! We are so excited that we will get to be in NC for Christmas :)

This has been a long process, let me give you just a taste...


Papers sent from Nicolle's mom in Italy, 4 papers sent off to the capital to be apostalized at the office of foreign affairs, passport dates, wrong passports, new passports, wrong information to the embassy, changing of information, kids' moms coming with us everywhere, finding out that grandma has to come too, rental van, Andres having a seziure Monday morning as we get on the road, car sickness, another visit to immigration for more papers... are you tired yet?

I told someone not that long ago that I had no idea how complicated living in another country would be. In the states I think I used a lawyer approximately never. And now I feel like I have him on speed dial and he has more than his fair share of my money!

But I can say with confidence. It is all worth it. To travel with my family, to visit the rest of my family, to meet my friends and my home church... I have never felt so blessed.

Here are some pictures of the Tegucigalpa trip with the crazies:)

Desserts are for Sharing

In case you missed the big news... WE GOT OUR MATCHING GRANT! The Lord brought us $10,000 through your generosity in less than 2 months. I mean... that's incredible. I have turned in the paperwork and now we just wait for the $5000 to come from our other generous donors through MTW!!!

For the first time since March we are not watching numbers to see if we will make it to the end of the month. And its a good feeling. But these months have been so good for me, so much faith building. God has provided every month what we need and always in HIS timing! Praise Him for it and I am praying that I will not get comfortable, but continue to trust in His provision and timing.

Desserts are for Sharing


Thats a true statement right? I love a big Molten Lava Cake at Chilis with 5 spoons passed around :)

But this is a little different! Starting today I am signing people up for Desserts are for Sharing. I will be in the Raleigh area January 8th - 19th with the purpose of sharing about the ministry of Puerta de Esperanza and I am praying for MONTHLY DONORS for the ministry!

When I think back to how the Lord provided my monthly donors four years ago when I left for the field (can you believe its been almost 4 years???) it happened mostly through meeting with small groups of 6-8 people, sharing, and answering questions about the ministry. The tricky, and yet wonderful news, is that most of the people that I met with now support us!! But that means I don't really know who else to contact. So if you have a few friends who may be interested, a small group at your church, a prayer group, people who have a heart for missions... would you consider hosting a night of Desserts are for Sharing? The Lord has been so faithful to us and I would love to share about that with whoever will listen!

If you would like to host a small group please email me at ssinnes@gmail.com. It would be great to have some afternoon times and some evening times, we could even make dessert waffles and have breakfast :)

Success Stories

Wednesday we celebrated! The girls have a new behavior system in the house... they get signatures for completing their daily responsibilities and then they get scored from 1-5 on attitudes/caring for their babies/respect/etc.

K has had some really hard days since moving in to PDE. She has a hard time controlling her temper and her tongue. She is the youngest and the newest and fights for attention. In our new bahavior system if you get two grades below 4 in a week you are given a stricter schedule, more responsibilities, and harder consequences. She was the first one to have to hit phase two of behavior control because she just couldn't get it together. And then... she did. :) Last week she got all of her signatures plus scored 5s in every category every day!!!! Her attitude has been excellent, she goes over and above to be helpful and serve the other girls. She is caring well for her son and spending time with him. She is changing! So we celebrated.

And the coolest part is that the other girls were excited for her! They congratulated her and made it a big deal... I love that :)

In other successful news... I have GREAT news! We officially reached our matching grant!!!!!!! I am stunned. It has been less than 2 months since I posted that we needed $10,000 and God has provided it through YOU! So... thank you just doesn't even seem like anough. I think I will settle to say that God must get all the glory because only He who owns the cattle on a thousand hills and all the money in the world could have provided so quickly!

We still need monthly donors, but for now we are just celebrating God's provision!

Global Missions Conference

This past week I went to MTW's Global Mission's Conference in Greenville, SC. It was wonderful. It was also exhausting truth be told :) But I would go again! And probably will... shameless plug... you should go in three years whoever you are, wherever you are... its worth the effort to get there!

We had a team Honduras booth and got to hang out with our teammates who are on HMA (home ministry assignment in the states) who we hadn't seen in about 4 months! And we got to hang out with our teammates who are still in training and raising support mode trying to get to the field. We talked to tons of people interested in ministry, in Honduras, in what Jesus is doing around the world.

Personally I ran into people I haven't seen since my trainings with MTW which were almost 4 years ago, can you believe that?!? It was so fun to see where everyone is now and how they have seen God at work.

I also ran into church people and college friends and all manner of others who have a heart for taking Jesus' Gospel to the nations.

The conference itself was great and challenging and just a good reminder as to why we are here and what God has called us to do. Truth by told my favorite part of the whole conference was a break-out session by one of the RUF ministers where I furiously scribbled 4 1/2 pages of notes in 40 minutes. He was teaching on evangelism, and where usually find myself disagreeing with talks on evangelism, this time I felt like everything clicked. Its not evangelism itself I disagree with of course, just methodology. For the first time I was hearing someone teach on what I do, have done, and believe is the most effective way to reach people relationally with the Gospel. I was so very encouraged.

All that to say. I recommend this conference and when they have it again, you should go.

Also we printed up WAY too much material so if you want a prayer card and don't have one, I have about 800 so just let me know and I'll get you one.

One big reason for going to the conference was making contacts for possible new supporters, missions conferences where I can speak, new church connections, etc. We still need about $2800/month to be at budget. If you know of people, churches, missions conferences, etc. that would like to hear a missionary talk about single moms, please let me know!

Mara

She lives here in Ceiba and for various reasons I will not use her real name, but I will call her Mara. Although not a candidate for PDE, she is a single mom that I have had the chance to get to know... she is young, loves her son, but has no idea how to be a mom. This is such a timeless story in this place. It is un-countable the number of young single moms who want to do the right thing, but don't know how. And for every one of those there is one that doesn't even know how to even love their children at all.

But Mara... she loves her son and I really believes she wants to be the best possible mom to him, but how? And as I get to know her I see with such clarity that it will be impossible for her to be the mom that he needs until she knows Jesus. She is stubborn, insecure, bitter, and just plain unhappy. I think he is the only thing that makes her smile... but she is so unaware of just how miserable she is. I think she just doesn't know that there could be something more.

I begged the Lord last night that she would know joy and peace. That she would know Jesus. For His glory, for her salvation, and for her son to have a mom who can raise him in the knowledge of the Lord.

As I walk through this journey called parenthood myself I really am more drawn to believe that it is impossible without Jesus. I need His grace in large measure as I act and react to my children, as I do the wrong thing. I need to be able to trust that ultimately they are in His hands because I lack the wisdom I need to be everything that they need. And most importantly, I can't change their stubborn little hearts any more than I can change Mara's. That is the work of the Holy Spirit to make them and form them and draw them to Jesus.

Please join me in praying for this young mom who doesn't even know how deep her own need. And pray for the many like her who I just haven't met yet...

A little joy

A little joy for your morning today.

In being a month of thanksgiving, today I just want to take a minute to thank the Lord for the work that He is doing in Puerta de Esperanza.  Every day I see little glimpses of how much the girls are growing and changing.  I am thankful for the local church that has taken them in and welcomed them.  I am thankful for our two house moms who see this as a ministry, not just a job.  I am thankful for my husband and kids who support this ministry and are willing to take on 8 new members to our family for all kinds of special events and celebrations at a moments notice.  I am thankful that these girls have gifts and skills that I don't have and that it gives them great joy to teach me Spanish, Honduran cooking, street smarts, whatever.  And most of all I am thankful for Jesus and that this ministry belongs to Him.

A blast from the past

I have been going through old pictures while preparing for the global missions conference.  I'm trying to put together a photo storyline for Puerta de Esperanza.  And it has been so fun to look back and see how much things have changed, especially how much the babies have grown!  Look how little they were! :)

We have come a long way from the first few days and weeks.  The girls are so much more independent, making money now on their own.  They are responsible for cooking and cleaning.  Remember me writing about the grocery shopping incidents?  We had tears over green pepper for goodness sake?!?  And now they grocery shop like pros and know where to get the best deals and how to make their money stretch.  They came knowing no one in the city and they have made friends and become part of a church community.  Now we have birthday parties and have to cut down the guest list because they have people they love and trust and care about and they want them in their lives.

When they came not one of them knew about grace.  And now, whether they have accepted it or not, they have heard countless times the truth of the Gospel.  They know that the Lord loves them, that He is full of forgiveness and love towards them.  That He paid the penalty for their sin because He is just and that sin had to be paid.  But his own Son, whom He loves took that sin and suffered its consequences so that God would be glorified and they could enter into His family.  We talk about these truths every day and for the last year and half they have heard them.  Keep praying for the truth about Jesus to change their lives!  It has, and is, and will continue to do so.

Matching Grant Update

Wow.

What we need: $10,000
What the Lord has provided in October: $4708
In 31 days the Lord has used YOU to bring in almost half of the money that we need towards this matching grant.
What we get: $5000
Once we have $10,000 in new monthly donors, one-time gifts, or extra monthly giving we will receive $5000 more.

How can you help?
Our greatest need is still MONTHLY DONORS who will commit to give to this ministry for the matching grant and beyond.  Our need is ongoing... food, electiricity, rent, schooling, diapers,medical needs, etc.  Please consider that anywhere from $10-$500 is helpful.  Just $10 a month pays for a week of diapers for one of our little ones!

If you cannot give monthly, you can still make a one-time gift towards the matching fund!  We would love to get all this money by the end of December, so please consider us in your year end giving plan.


And THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

growth

Every day we are seeing growth.  Some days its a baby learning to pull up on the furniture, sometimes its a new English word or a taste a new food they've never eaten before.  But every day there is something small that lets us know that they are learning and growing in a healthy and safe environment.  The other day my heart was so full and joyful as the two oldest broke out into song... worship songs that they know from church.  Singing over and over again..."eres todo para mi"  You are everything to me!

And its not just the babies... the girls are growing too.  I'm thankful we have these babies that shows signs of growth because with their moms it is much more slow in coming!  But we do see it... signs that the Lord is working and changing their hearts.

I see it in a conversation that before would have caused a defensive explosion, but this time was just a conversation.  I see it in the questions they ask me, the real desire to know the answer instead of argue.  Its in the little ways that they show respect to the house moms and to each other, do someone's else's chore or say a kind word.... there are little steps, but steps nonetheless.

Monday night we had Bible study and we were talking about grace and how amazing it is that God who is holy and set apart would love us.  We read in Scripture where God says to us... "Be holy as I am holy" and one of the girls asked a very real and excellent question.  "How can we possibly do that?"

Exactly.  We can't.  And that's why we need Jesus.  I am praying every day for them to really understand that and cling to HIM.

Life

They are growing up, too fast!

G is such a laid back baby.  She is a good sleeper and rarely cries.  The only time she really cries, she screams, and its when her food is gone.  Man she loves to eat!  She eats anything and everything that she can get her hands on.  She has always been a pretty serious baby, but recently I've seen more and more smiles and giggles, she just has to be in the right mood!

O is changing every day.  This kid is so active.  He is skinny and all muscle.  He climbs, crawls, scoots, pulls up, anything he can do to get around.  He doesn't love sleeping, probably because its boring :)  If you can get him in the right mood he has a huge grin that stretches from ear to ear.

K is currently moving forward in school and really has learned a lot since we started in June.  She is learning some Honduran history and culture, which means I am learning Honduran history and culture!  We've made flags and crests and memorized songs.  She is learning about literature and theater and we've made puppets and written stories.  She hates math, but is learning it anyways :)  I want to try to get her working, so please pray for a part-time job of some kind to open up for her.  She spend a lot of time just at home doing homework and hanging out.

B is also currently jobless since the store closed.  She has applied to a bunch of places and is pretty qualified, but a little unmotivated since her life needs are all being met at the moment.  She is waiting to hear back and we are praying for a full-time job with a steady income for her.  That would be a big step towards looking towards moving her into the real world.  She is super helpful around the house and a great mom.

We've been studying the prodigal son at our weekly Bible study.  We've looked at the nature of God being a God who searches for lost things, US!  We've seen the nature of the younger son to go after the far country and his own desires far from the Father.  And we've seen the unforgettable Father who has shown Himself to be forgiving, loving, compassionate, and merciful.  The girls are receiving the lessons well and participating.  Its hard to know exactly what sinks in, but we are seeing growth in baby steps.

Please keep praying with us for these girls and babies and all that the Lord is doing here!

Partway there

Wow.  That's all I can say.

In the last week the Lord has brought us almost a quarter of the way towards our $10,000 goal for the matching grant!

We have received $2300 and two new monthly supporters.

Please keep praying with us for more monthly supporters and one time gifts to get us to our goal :)

And THANK YOU!  For spreading the word about PDE, for giving, for praying... we are so thankful.

Refocus

"Joyful Jesus, forgive me for the ways I can reduce life with you to fine worship or stately buildings, dignified gatherings, or efficient organizations, influence or importance.  I pray that your church and my life would be reckless with love for you, captive to the rhythm of your kindgom joy, glorying and enjoying you.  Amen" - Westminster Larger Catechism

Last night at Bible study we were studying something along this line and I was just so struck with it again.  God made us who we are and gave us what we have.  He doesn't need our programs, our childrens' homes, our good teaching.  He uses us because it is His will to do so.  But what He wants from us is our heart and our worship, our reckless love for Him.  And in that He gives us joy in expanding the kingdom and seeing new people begin to walk with Him.

It really is my heart's prayer that I not get too caught up in doing for the Lord that I forget to just be with Him, revel in my adoption as His daughter, and enjoy living a life of peace in relationship with Jesus.

Matching Grant

If you've been thinking about giving to Puerta de Esperanza, now is the time!  We were recently given a 2:1 matching grant and I am positive that we can make it happen.

What do we need to do?
Raise $10,000 of new money.  That means new monthly donors, one-time gifts, or gifts from monthly donors over and above what they have pledged.  We would like to raise this money before the end of December.

What do we get?
Once we have the money they will give us $5000!

What does this mean for you?
This means that for every $2 you were thinking about donating to PDE, you are really donating $3.  For every $2000, it is now $3000.  And I know you were all thinking about donating $2000 right? :)  No but really, if you can give now, you help us get even more money.

How do I give?
Great question.  There are few ways, but for all of them you need this number 92413.  Put it in the memo line of your check or use it to find our account online.

Send checks to...
Mission to the World 
P.O. Box 116284
Atlanta, GA 30368-6284

Give online here

Print off this page for monthly electronic funds transfer.  Fill it out and send it in.

Thank you.  Without your donations we cannot run this ministry.  I am so thankful for the people the Lord provides to partner with us.  Please also consider sharing about our needs with others.  Please also consider us in your year end giving.  If you would like more information about Puerta de Esperanza please email me at ssinnes@gmail.com.

Apology

It was short conversation, but heartfelt.

Last night after Bible study with the girls one of them pulled me into her room to talk for a minute.  I was expecting drama or slightly ridiculous questions or speculations because this is usually what I get from her.  To my shock and surprise, she apologized.  Not for anything specific, but just for her attitude, her behavior, over the last year and a half.  God is doing something big in this girls heart!  Never have I seen her so humble or broken.  She took responsibility for her actions, has repented before the Lord, and came to me to ask forgiveness.  Wow.

We both cried :)  And I got to talk to her about forgiveness and the sweetness of it.  And about the Lord's forgiveness and how her sins are now as far as the east is from the west.  There is such joy in the Lord's overwhelming grace to us that He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, but He forgets them instead.

And then the babies came busting in and it was moment interrupted.  But it was good and it was enough.  And I am so thankful that the Lord let me see a break-through in her heart.  Please pray for Him to keep working, to keep softing her heart, and to keep wooing her to Himself.

W's birthday!

Yesterday we headed to a hotel down on the beach to enjoy the pool and celebrate W's second birthday!  Man, I love this little guy.  He has lived with us since he was 5 months old, so we are pretty attached and the only family that he really knows.  He loves to swim and its the one word that he consistently says in english... swim, swim swim!  He slept for about half of his party, but woke up in time to enjoy the pool and eat some cake :)

Y is working a lot these days and so yesterday was the first time I had gotten to sit down and talk to her since meeting her mom.  We had a long conversation that will need lots of follow up.  There are just so many past wounds in her life and bringing her mom into the picture opens up a lot of them.  She was raised by her grandma and it seems like the real story of her life lies somewhere between mom's story and grandma's story.  That's so hard, to not really know what happened and who wanted you and why you got caught in the middle of a mother/daughter battle.  So please be praying for her to have an open mind as we continue to talk.  I just want her to know first and foremost that the Lord loves her, has a place for her in HIS family and its the most important family that there is!  And then after that for her to be able one day to forgive her mom and grandma and hear all sides of the story of her childhood so that she can begin to heal.  Please pray these things with me.

Scares

He is a cute little stinker that's for sure.  At two and a half he finally decided that he was a toddler and started saying no all the time.  But he is easily swayed and as soon as I say, "tell mommy yes" he changes his tune.  He is bright spot in our week whenever he comes to our house!  Right now we get him three days a week and we love every second of it :)  Even his older siblings are obsessed with having him around.

About 6 weeks ago Andres had a big fall that led to a concussion.  We got the EEG and everything looked normal so he went home to keep living normal life.  2 weeks ago he was with us on the scariest Saturday morning of my life when he had a seizure.  We were in the hospital for about 36 hours and after another EEG they cleared him to go home.  We will follow up with the neurologist on Monday and then eventually with a pediatric neurologist, but we have to go 3 hours away to San Pedro Sula.  And then last night we were back in the ER with him as he choked on food and his mom rushed him to the hospital.  He was on oxygen for a few hours and a little out of it at first, but he recovered well and they let us go home.

Please pray for us as we have wisdom with this little guy.  We know that some of these things are unrelated, but its just hard that it seems to be one thing right after another.  I am so thankful that nothing has been worse.  In every case we have left the hospital with the best possible news.  We are so thankful to the Lord for His provision in that way!

And we have seen the Lord's hand in relationships as well.  These hospital visits have really opened up a door for us to build a family for Andres as we spend a little time with his mom and try to get on the same page with her about his care.  It has been so good for she and I to get to know each other a little bit and see how the other loves him.

But it is hard to watch him be sick, and hard to not swing to being too overprotective after watching him 3 consecutive times in the hospital.  It is hard to know that my 9 year old son had to run and get me because he was watching his brother have a seizure.  So please just pray for peace for us as we love on him, care for him, give him the freedom to play and grow, and trust Jesus that he belongs to HIM!  And praise the Lord with us that Andres is doing great despite some hopital visits, he is doing well on his medicine and has not had any other seizures.  And for that we are SO thankful!

A Meeting a Long Time Coming

First let me just say that, although not angels, the girls have been doing great!  The Lord really used our big blow up a few weeks ago to get their attention.  I devised a whole new system of chores and charts and behavior system.  I hate it personally, even though it was my idea.  I hate it because it feels more like a system and less like a family.  But coming from where they have come from, they need it.  And it struck me that maybe I have been doing them an injustice by not offering them the structure that they really need.  So for now we have this...

The women on our Honduras team took a retreat together last week that was AWESOME!  It was spiritual renewal, physical renew (read: sleep!), fun and new games, speakers from the states who came to pour into us, and good community building.  And we went to Roatan, which for me meant a double purpose because Y's mom lives there!

Y and her daughter J have lived with us for a year and a half and I have spoken to her mom on the phone, but never met her.  We have been trying to get her to sign papers to take her out from under the control of Social Services, but she has never come to the mainland to sign.  So, last Thursday we met!  She signed papers and brought her older daughter.  I had a great visit with them, about 2 hours.  She told her her life story and all about Yajaira.  We talked about Jesus and hope for the future.  Please pray for this family to one day have full reconciliation!

A Day to Write About

Today was a day to write about, but I'm not even sure how to start.

The day started off with our normal meeting with the house moms, playing with kids, praying, reading Scripture.  I have been starting off our weekly meetings with Scriptures specifically teaching about grace and patience and this week was no different.  Ironically we were reading through Matthew 5 which talks about when someone hits you on one cheek, turn your face and let them hit you on the other... having no idea what was going on in the other room.

Suffice it to say that those in the other room have not learned this lesson.  Our two youngest girls were having a literal fist fight when we came running in to the sound of screams.  Hair-pulling, beating heads against the wall, punches, throwing people on the floor... and over a sandwich.  Thankfully in His wisdom God gave me a good strong mom voice and it was enough to send them to their seperate rooms.  But oh the tears, and screams, and shouting, and threats, and blame casting...

I have been writing lately about grace and a lot of it and that's because it is what I have been praying about so much.  It has become increasingly apparent over the last few weeks that our two younger moms do not know Jesus and need Him desperately.  I feel as though I am seeing an increase in Spiritual warfare, it is if Satan is trying everything to fight to hold on to their hearts... could it be we are on the edge of a breakthough?  I beg the Lord that this is the case.  I beg Him to save them.  I beg Him to show them their sin and drive them to their knees... because if not, we are at the end of our rope.

As Mike explained to them today, we are full of grace and love and patience and forgiveness, but the government is not.  And ultimately we are responsible for the girls in the home and the babies.  And oh how it broke my heart to see a little girl crying for her mommy who we could not let her go to see because mommy was too angry.  She snuck out the front door to go stand outside her mommy's window just to be close to her because she knew something was wrong.  Isn't sin so destructive?!?  We are responsible for these physical bodies and for these little hearts.  Could it be that someone has to leave?

I thought today would be the day... one of them tried to leave the house with her baby in tow and take off in a taxi.  Both have said they don't want to be there anymore.  Okay.  Today we gave them the option, real and straight-forward.  If you cannot live under the rules of this house, you can choose to leave.  We will drive you to the courthouse and the judge will decide where you and your baby go, and it probably will not be anywhere together.  We are one of the only homes that accepts moms and babies together.  We don't want that, we want you to be HERE!  We want to love you, we want you to know Jesus, we want you to know that life doesn't have to be a constant heart battle!  We want you to surrender to Jesus, to let Him change you, we want you to know real and abiding peace.  Oh I wish we could force you... but we can't.  So if you choose to go, we will let you.

There was a lawyer and a boss man and lots of tears and talking.  In the end they both stayed, for now.  But I am begging for your prayers.  Pray for strength for the house moms because they are so weary.  Pray for wisdom for me.  But most of all pray for the salvation of these two precious girls who are fighting so hard to run from Jesus, but I know He is after them.  Pray that satan will not win, pray that they will give their hearts to Jesus.

Bless the Lord

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I worship Your holy name

The sun comes up; it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

You're rich in love and You're slow to anger
Your name is great and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing
10,000 reasons for my heart to find

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
10,000 years and then forever more

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I love this song.  I love it because it is such a good reminder that the character of the Lord is good.  His name IS great and His heart IS kind.  On the days that I am overwhelmed, when bad things happen, when life doesn't make sense... our refuge is the Lord and HE is good.  

And then I read that He is rich in love and slow to anger and I want that.  I want to be more like Jesus because I am quick to be frustrated, not slow to anger.  And I want to know how to lead these girls in PDE and my own children to know more of Jesus' character, not my frustration.  So I hold on to the truth that the same Jesus who has this character of goodness, patience, forgiveness, mercy, and grace also lives in me.  

Last night our devotion with the kids was on being blessed by God and it said this... "When God promises to bless you, He is saying, 'I'm going to make you into eerything I ever meant for you to be.'  It means God is taking every day and every single thing that happens in it - good or bad - to make you stronger, to mend whatever is broken inside, to change you into the person you were always meant to be." - Sally Lloyd-Jones  

After we finished reading my kids prayed that God would help them to be more like Him, more like Jesus and I find that that is the cry of my own heart as well.  Make me more like Jesus, please Lord.  More days pass that I am a mom and responsible for little hearts, more days pass that I head up a ministry and I am responsible for little hearts and adolescent hearts, and every day I realize that I cannot do this job by myself and I was never meant to.  So I fall back on the character of the Lord that I know is good and true and beg HIM to work, to change hearts, to start with me, and to draw us to Himself.

Prayer Card

So I just sent out our family´s prayer card and a new prayer card in the mail.  If you didn´t get one and you would like a copy, please send me an email with your address.  Or, you can print it out from here!  If you are interested in supporting us one time or monthly, all the information you need is on the back.  We are still in ACTIVE support raising mode, so please let me know if you can support us monthly!

BAM

This is an article that I wrote yesterday for the BAM program at MTW.  They have bene working with us on the PDE store.  For those of you who recently collected clothes for us or donated... THANK YOU!  We are still using them.  Although we have closed the store, we are still selling off the clothes on the weekends and getting to keep 100% of the profit!

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Business and Missions

I am not a business person, never have been.  That’s why when the Lord asked me to start a used clothing store for the girls in my ministry, everything in me wanted to say NO!  From my point of view all I could see in my future was paperwork, legal fees, rent, and more work.  But God had a different plan.  I work with a home for young single moms in La Ceiba, Honduras and these girls were desperately in need of job training.  They needed to learn how to be responsible workers, keep a schedule, receive a paycheck, budget their money, and get some experience.  The Lord dropped all the necessary pieces into place.  People were giving us clothes to sell, without me even asking.  We found a place where the owner dropped the rate way down and we had volunteers build our clothing racks.  I just didn’t feel like I could tell the Lord no when He was making this decision so clear.  In September of 2012 we started working with BAM through MTW and opened the store in October.  Since then our financial success has been little, some months gaining and some losing.  But I cannot be more affirmed that looking through kingdom eyes the Lord has used this store and the BAM program to show people Jesus and expand His ministry of mercy.  We hired a few outside girls to help at the store.  One of them came back to Christ when we took her to a church conference with all the store workers.  Because of that she left a bad relationship and moved into our home.  Another of our workers now has money saved in the bank and is following a monthly budget due to the direction she received while at the store.  Another one of our workers is walking with Jesus and now able to go to university because of her job at the store.  And our girls received exactly what they needed, job training, experience to put on their resume, budgeting strategies, and some lessons in responsibility.  At the time the Lord is calling us to go in another direction and we have had to shut down the store.  I am happy to let the business part go with all the number crunching that comes with it.  But I am sad to let go of this tool that the Lord used so well to meet such a prevalent need.

newsletter

Today I sent out a newsletter... if you didn't get it and you would like to, please email me at ssinnes@gmail.com.

Truth be told I would post it here on the blog, but I can't figure out how... so you'll just have to email me to get it personally :)

Bracelets

The Lord just keeps encouraging my heart.  The Bucks came with the Peace team to Honduras a few weeks ago.  When that got home their 6th grade daughter decided to make bracelets and sell them for $1 each to make money for PDE and our family's support.  Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard?  If you live in the Cary, NC area you can buy one from Alita to support us.  Or join her brainstorming effort in doing something to raise money for missions!  THANKS ALITA!

Bear Chart

Apparently my post yesterday did not do a good job posting my new awesome bear chart :)  I talked to a few of my team members who read the blog post and missed the bears... and lets be honest, they are pretty cute!

So, the bear chart.  Each bear represents someone sponsoring us for $80/month.  We need 100 bears to be sponsored to be fully funded.

Please consider sponsoring a bear, a few bears, or half a bear :)

I will try to keep you updated as our support increases!  At the moment we are little over 54%.

Joy

On Monday I am going to meet yet another girl that I will have to turn away from PDE.  She is 20 years old, has a 2 year old, and is pregnant.  She is strongly considering abortion because she feels as though she has no other options.  I am getting together with her, not because I have a place for her in the home, but because I want her to know Jesus and fight for the life of her unborn child.  Adoption is rare here in Honduras, and some people think of it as rather heartless that you would just give your baby away.  But I think adoption is precious and such a picture of the Gospel and the way that God has placed us in His family!  So pray for me on Monday as I meet and talk with her.

What brought me the greatest joy of all is that she called me yesterday as I was taking K home.  So after hanging up I was telling her about the situation and without hestitation she just said, "She can just share a room with me".  Let me go back and say... Kenia has the smallest and HOTEST room in the whole house.  Its the only room with no outside window and so hot.  But it didn't matter to her.  This girl is her just a short time ago and she wants her to be able to come live with us.  She did go back a few minutes later and say "I mean, if she's nice.  If she's not nice, I don't want to share."  Haha.  But it just did my heart good to hear her heart and her immediate desire to welcome this girl!

In other news, Jennifer took K to the eye doctor yesterday and it turns out she can't see anything almost with her one good eye.  So she's getting glasses this week!  I'm so excited for her because she has never known what she is missing.  But it explains why she has such a hard time with school work, getting the floors really clean, and anything else which requires eyesight. :)  Its going to be a whole new world.