Few things are worse…

than being in a hug position with no one to hug.

Megan sent me a card today with a penguin on the front with his wings outstretched and inside it read the statement above.  I loved it.  And its true… I can’t think of many things that are worse than that.

I have had my days since being in Costa Rica that I felt like I was in a hug position (vulnerable and lonely) with no one to hug (no one who knows me).  But by the grace of God those moments and days have been few and far between.  He has blessed me abundantly with the women in my class and other friends at school.  They don’t know me as well as people at home, how could they its been less than three weeks?  But they want to know me and they listen to me and that is enough.  What a blessing!

But more than people… God has been constantly reminding me that He is the one who knows me, who is my constant companion in life.  He walks with me and hugs me and reassures me of my identity and His love for me.

There is a song that I have hated ever since I learned to play guitar.  Light the Fire.  If I taught you how to play guitar, you hate this song too.  It has three chords, its super easy, and you can go home after lesson 1 able to play something!  Perfect for the first lesson.  By lesson 12 when we’re still playing it I want to pull my hair out.  Needless to say, other than guitar lessons, I never sing this song by choice.

Guess what we sang in chapel today?  You got it.

And yet… the words stuck out to me like they never have before.  Read them while trying to remove the annoying melody from your head…

“I stand to praise you, but I fall on my knees.  My spirit is willing, but my flesh is so week.  I feel your arms around me as the power of your healing begins.  Your spirit moves through me like a mighty rushing wind…. Make me whole.  Lord you know where I’ve been.  Light the fire in my heart again.”

I still don’t love the whole song :)  But you get the point.  This is my life.   It reminds me of Isaiah falling on his face before the Lord crying Holy, Holy, Holy because he literally couldn’t stand in the face of the glory of the Father.  Also my life… my spirit is willing, but my flesh and sin nature is so weak.  I feel like Paul when he says, the things I don’t want to do, those are the things I keep on doing.  And yet… the Lord pursues me with His forever “hug” and his healing hand and I know that I am being changed and made new and every growing in the likeness of His Son Jesus.  Praise be to the Lord that He knows us – where we’ve been and where we are going- and yet sets His love on us and calls us sons and daughters.