And then there were 3

The Lord is full of surprises.  I just said a couple of days ago that I was done looking for girls until after Semana Santa (the week before Easter).  We are going on a church conference with the girls and I booked the hotel room and everything is set for me and Oneyda and 2 girls.  Today the Lord decided to throw us for a loop and G moved in tonight with her 15 month old son!

Some friends here have known G for a few years now and have been helping she and her mom with food and other needs.  Yesterday I wrote about going to meet her for the first time and I got to see first-hand the situation with her mom.  Its difficult, to say the least.  Mom is manipulative and I would say, verbally abusive.  I never saw G smile while we were there, or much at all today even.  She is just weary from life and it shows on her face.  She has tried before to leave home, but her mom knew where she was and wouldn’t let her be until she came back.

Today we loaded up the car and went to see PDE.  G loved it.  I had told her she couldn’t move in until after next week, but she was ready to stay today.  After talking through the options of what could happen if she went back to stay with her mom we were pessimistic.  When her mom learned of her plans to really move out, it wouldn’t be pretty… there would heaping of guilt and shame and possible abuse, etc.  But G wanted to honor her mom and go and tell her face-to-face about her decision.  She was afraid to leave her with nothing, so we stopped and bought rice, beans, flour, sugar, etc. on the way.  We were all nervous b/c we just didn’t know what would happen when we got there.  We were prepared to jump in the car and take off without her clothes, papers, anything if mom got mad.  But the whole way there we just prayed…

And the Lord did a miracle.  Honestly, a miracle.  Her mom was happy, helpful, supportive… all the things they had told me she wouldn’t be.  And she accepted the rules and that she can’t know where the house is.  She helped us find their birth certificates and gave the baby a kiss on the way out.  I mean… the Lord answers prayers.  As we drove away G was grinning from ear to ear.  She was SO happy and just felt free!

So she’s with us in PDE!  Please pray for the transition.  Tonight the Lord really allowed me to see how sweet it is that the girls have bonded so much with Oneyda.  But I also saw it from the eyes of trying to break into that, and it will be intimidating.  And I need to see if we can get her to the conference next week, and, and, and…

The Lord’s mercies are new every morning, GREAT is HIS FAITHFULNESS!

G and Elias

Today I visited a shack by the river.  In this shack lives a 22 year old girl with her 15 month old little boy.  For the last couple of years I have been stuck on the name Elias if the Lord ever gives me a son of my own… guess what this little guy’s name is? :)

G lives in this house with her mom and her 2 and 4 year old siblings.  She is scared of her mom, although I don’t know the whole background story, and mom is very firm about everything.  They have nothing and no way to get anything.  The problem is poverty, but there are probably other problems too.  The little boys hair is blond in parts, showing signs of chronic malnutrition.  Although he isn’t super thin, his body is not getting the vitamins that he needs.

We talk about Jesus and about PDE.  We talk about the chance for a new life and dream and opportunities for the future.  She says she doesn’t want to go… until mom leaves the room.  Then she says she doesn’t have to think about it, she knows she wants to come, she just doesn’t know how to go against her mom. 

Tomorrow she is going to come and visit.  And we are going to pray.  Pray for wisdom for me, for G, and for the family that is helping me be in contact with her.  And pray for her mom’s heart to be softened if this is what the Lord has for her.

English Lessons

Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes Knees and Toes…

Just a few weeks ago she started speaking English words out loud and will now repeat almost everything that I say.  She doesn’t say anything yet unprompted, but we’re working on it.  She’s a cutie, that’s for sure :)

Cultural Swings

They say that culture shock comes in waves, and I believe them.  Over the past 11 months there have times when I love this culture, hate this culture, don’t feel like I know this culture, and the list goes on.  I would love to find a place to hang out that is a healthy balance.

This week… I’m frustrated.  And it has a lot less to do with the culture than it has to do with me.  I’m tired of not saying what I thought I said and finding out people were waiting on me when I didn’t know I was supposed to be going somewhere.  I’m tired of not knowing when its okay to say something and when you’re supposed to be quiet.  I’m tired of not knowing how to respond when I feel like a situation is pushing the limits of appropriate.  I don’t know how to be an employer.  I don’t always know how to be a friend.

I am confident that I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be.  But I did find myself this week longing for home a little bit where I know what to expect when I have a conversation with someone, where I say exactly what I mean to say.  Just wait… next week I’ll be okay and probably be able to list off 100 culture things that I love.  But for this week I’m tired of all the not knowing.

Many are the Plans

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails!” Proverbs 19:21

I am weary of the emotional rollercoaster that I am riding these days.  I’m not even sure I can count the times that I have gotten excited in anticipation of meeting a new girl, of the possibility of her moving into PDE, only to find out it wasn’t going to work out.  Wednesday I met a girl who was a perfect candidate to come, seemed really excited about it, and we planned to move her in this morning.  Yesterday she told me that she would rather go with her sister who has told her she can stay there for no longer than a month.  And I just was so sad.

I know these girls are out there and that they are needy.  I really thought we would have a full house by now.  I want to find them and love them and welcome them in with open arms… but for some reason the Lord is asking us to wait.

I trust that the Lord knows who these girls are and, as a friend said yesterday, is hand-picking them for us.  Please pray for my heart in the waiting, and the anticipation, and the feelings of being let-down when it doesn’t work out.  In those moments it is hard to trust.

I hesitate to even write on this blog anymore when I have news until I am certain that it is going to happen.  I just don’t want to have to give answers when it doesn’t work out.  But at the same time, I’m so thankful for those of you who are walking this journey with me, getting excited with me, feeling disappointed with me… I think I need that.  So I’ll try to keep you updated.  And you can just keep praying.

Transformation

Sometimes its like talking to a brick wall.  I have led Bible studies for high school students for a number of years now and there always moments like that.  Some week are great and you feel like they are really hearing you and sometimes you would swear you were speaking Swahili for the looks on their faces.  Transfer to a new culture and a new language… its still the same. 

We have been studying once a week “Religion vs. the Gospel of Christ”.  We have talked about grace and how there is nothing that we can do that makes God love us any more or any less.  We have talked about obedience and gratitude and trusting that God’s plan for our lives really is best.  When we trust God, we obey Him because we know that He isn’t out to get us in any way.

This week C went to see her aunt in her old neighborhood.  She grew up in a very legalistic and rules-based church there and never felt freedom in Christ.  Yesterday she told me that she shared the Gospel with her aunt, that she can be saved by grace alone and not by her works, that she doesn’t have to live under guilt and shame because she can’t keep all the rules, that the Lord’s love for her is constant.  She basically shared all the things that we’ve been learning and she really believes them and wants her family to know Jesus in a real and personal way.

The Word of God does not come back void.  Sometimes they listen and they learn.  The Word of God is powerful.  Its transforming their hearts.  And it is awesome to watch.

Who said you have to nap in a bed?

They are angels when they are sleeping :)  And not always angels in the grocery store.  So I sat in the car waiting while the girls shopped, reading my book and enjoying the chance to watch sleeping babies and catch a much needed breath.

It lasted almost 20 whole minutes :)  Y came to the car in tears because they were fighting about how many green peppers to buy.  Sometimes sin is downright laughable.  But its so much more deep rooted than that.  Its insecurities about education and being smart enough and being able to do this on their own.  Its proving that they are right and trying to get out from under all the mean things they have said to each other in anger in the past.  Its learning to forgive and work together and talk things out. 

So I wish I had a picture of the next 20 minutes as I carried these two sleepy munchkins through the store mediating and listening and biting my tongue to let them learn through their own mistakes.  And they did it.  They bought a weeks worth of groceries and we were tear-free when we left.  That counts for something right?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

So I won’t apologize for not writing in awhile :)

I had visitors :)

And we did this…

And went here…

And saw this…

And had a great time :)

Also… we spent all morning Wednesday in the clinic with the girls to have doctors appointments, teeth cleanings, teeth pulled, etc.  We worshiped in Spanish at church and celebrated Kaitlyn’s birthday.  And we took C and Y with us to snorkel at Cayos Cachinos.

Snorkeling with them was one of the best parts of the week for me.  Y was terrified at the beginning and wouldn’t even put her face in the water.  But after 30 minutes she was loving every second of it and even let go of my hand every once in awhile.  I love getting to do new things with them and see them succeed and grow in confidence.

Marathon Grocery Shopping

You could say it was kind of like a game, or a teaching moment, or a way to get to sit and drink a coke instead of grocery shop…

Part of the goal is PDE is learning.  Okay, most of the goal is learning.  Learning to be a mom, learning to cook, clean, work, do laundry… and also grocery shop on a budget.  Grocery shopping had gotten out of hand these past few weeks.  The girls were just throwing things in the cart that they wanted and not stopping to check cost or necessity.  So… I staged an intervention.

Yesterday I sent them out with a set amount of money and a calculator to buy food for a week!  It was amazing how frugal they became in an instant.  I told C she couldn’t not just buy rice and beans and jello b/c I’m afraid I would lose Doña Oneyda!  They were going to the bodegas outside for cheese, eggs, fruit, whatever could save them money.  They were paying attention to prices and weighing things before committing to them.  It was incredible.  And they did great!  I had to give them $5 extra because they forgot laundry soap and napkins :)  But that’s not bad considering.

It took almost 2 hours.  That is a long time in a grocery store.

But here’s the deal with ministry and with parenting… it takes an awful lot of time and investment to teach and encourage and correct.  Every time I get annoyed because I wanted this to be a “quick trip” or a “quick conversation” I just have to remember that I’m investing in a life, in a person and I want them to see Jesus in me.  And the Lord has been more than patient with me as I am slow on the learning curve.  He pursues me and teaches me and reminds me and forgives me… and I still have a lot to learn.  In the meantime He reminds me to be patient with this girls and pay attention to how far they have come and work hard with them in the process.

One day they will grocery shop in 20 minutes with a baby in one arm pushing the cart with one hand… because that’s what moms can do.  Right now they are kids with a calculator and cravings for chocolate cookies just trying to learn to make good choices :)

Knowing Jesus

Ever is one of “our boys” as we call them. He has been going to church with me since August and just started going to Sunday school most of the time. Well Sunday he came to big church instead because it was just him who came with us. The sermon was on living in peace with those around you (a hard message for a kid who has learned to retaliate in order to survive). We talked about turn the other cheek and love your enemies. The Lord has really been pricking my heart to really share the Gospel with these boys in a direct way and on the way home I got a chance to do just that after talking through the sermon with him. With Caitlin in the seat next to me we prayed with Ever to accept Christ!!!

Its hard to know at this point how much he really understands, but he knows enough to know that He is a sinner and he needs Jesus in his life to forgive him and make a way for him to know God.  And that’s a great place to start : )

Please pray for Ever and that the Lord will grab his heart and make him into a Godly man.  Pray that he will learn more and more about Jesus and fall more and more in love with Him.  Pray for us to be faithful to teach him and encourage him.

Expect the Unexpected

Maybe that is a life theme in Honduras…

I did not go to Tocoa yesterday to meet a new girl.  I woke myself up early from my niquil induced state, got ready to go, and then got the call that the IHNFA director couldn’t go that day.  But it was still a good, and busy, day.  I think we’ll go next week and I’m going to try to talk to her on the phone, which could be better.

Then I got a message last night from a street children’s project in Teguc and they have a girl who they would like me to talk to, a sister of one of their boys. 

And there are others…

All that to say, I still need your prayers for wisdom, so please don’t stop praying!  I rest in the security that the Lord can see 2 months from now and knows exactly who these girls are that need to live in Puerta de Esperanza.  He’ll show me… I’m sure.

Pray Pray Pray

Tomorrow morning I head 2 hours out of town to meet possible girl #3 and her baby.  I’m praying so much for this day because I need so much discernment.  I would like to bring her back with me tomorrow if she is going to come.  But, with the other girls I had so much more time to get to know them first.  They also didn’t live so far away.  So… all to say.  Please be praying for me!

The other girls are doing pretty well.  I’ve been convicted this week of needing to talk to them about something really important.  The hard part is, its something I’ve never had to do since I have never had children of my own… but I’ve done it with friends and people I’ve ministered to… and that is, trusting the people that we love to the Lord.

Its hard.  But I would assert that it is a habit they should start now… praying for their children and asking the Lord to give them faith that what He has for their children is better than what they can come up with for them.  It is so hard to watch those that you love make choices you wouldn’t make for them.  Its hard to lose someone that you love if the Lord chooses to take them when you think its too soon.  And yet… if the Lord is good, and we believe He is, if He really loves these little ones, and we believe He does, and He is powerful, which we have seen that He is… then He is far more capable of taking care of them than we are.  Its going to be hard and emotional and I think a fight to teach them to trust their sweet babies to the Lord.  So pray for us in that too.

Ripple Effect

I really believe that ministry has a ripple effect.  I think it was the way that the Lord intended it to be.  Nothing makes me happier than to hear that one of my Peace girls (is it bad that sometimes I think of them as my kids?) is leading a Bible study or working at camp or working with YoungLife.  It means that the Lord has radically changed their lives to think, not solely about themselves, but for others and to give their lives away so that others can know Jesus.  Most of these girls knew Jesus before I knew them, I just got to get to walk alongside them for a little while in their journey and it still just makes me happy to see where God is taking them.

I got to see the first ripple effect of PDE on Tuesday.  The message came that social services had just picked up a 10 day old baby and had nothing for her.  Social services has been officially on strike for almost a month, but the director is wonderful and works anyway.  But because of that they had nothing for this little girl with hydrocephalous and a malnourished mom who can’t provide for her.  Well, you should have seen C and Y’s faces light up when I told them about this.  They remember.  They know what it is like to be scared, to have nothing.  So we ran around the house with big grins on our faces finding onsies and bottles and pacifiers and diapers and wishing that this little one was coming to live with us.  C assured me that she could take care of her :) 

It just gave me so much joy to see them so enthusiastic about loving and serving, even to the point of giving away some of their own things for this little girl.  Please pray that they will keep falling in love with Jesus and long with all their hearts for others to know Him too.

11 Questions

A friend recently tagged me on her blog with 11 questions… I’m not sure I have the creativity to make up my own questions right now to send on, but I wanted to take a minute to answer these. 

And here are my eleven questions:
1) What is your favorite season?
Definitely Spring in NC.  One, its my birthday, two, its not so cold!  But in Honduras I’m going to have to go with the season of “not so hot”, which comes around December/January :)

2) Are you a morning person or do you prefer staying up late?
Staying up late.

3) What gives you joy?
This week hearing an adult tell me that the Jesus Storybook Bible was God speaking directly to him.  I love that God uses simple things to teach us lessons about grace and the Gospel.  Also kids, laughter, babies, the ocean, the mountains, chocolate…

4) What is your family like?
Right now my family is wide and deep.  Some of them live in NC.  They love to play games, sail, laugh, sing praise songs, watch the Muppet Christmas Carol, and have a thousand people over for Christmas dinner.  Some of them speak Spanish, love to learn new things, laugh often, have suffered more than a teenager ever should, and are learning how to love and serve deeply.  And some of them serve with me here in Honduras united in vision and purpose to share about Jesus.  So what is my family like?  United in Christ much more than by blood and learning every day what it looks like every day to open ourselves up to be used by Him.

5) What would you prefer to grow if you had a garden- vegetables or flowers, and why?
Vegetables.  I’m practical, and I love to eat :)

6) What is a favorite memory from your childhood?
Beach vacations with my family and grandparents.  Especially when my grandma would take us out to the beach in the morning for a breakfast picnic.

7) How long have you been blogging and what made you start?
I started my blog about 3 years ago when I started raising support to move overseas as a missionary.  I first named it Many the Miles because it seemed like it would be a long process before I ever got Honduras.  Now I’m here, but realizing that the name is still fitting as the Lord is taking me continual journey of learning and growing in wisdom, culture, compassion, and grace.  I have a ways to go as I learn about ministry here, but He is taking me every step.

8) What usually draws your attention at a wedding or special event?
I’m am 100% relational in personality.  So I always pay attention to how people interact with one another.  How the bride looks at the groom, family dynamics, etc.  People watching.  It’s a favorite past-time.

9) Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Definitely an extrovert.  I need a little alone time every once in awhile, but mostly I’m charged by people.  I’m not outgoing all the time, but I love being around people and spending quality time.  I’m a verbal processer, so my roommates always get an earful.

10) Who is your favorite artist or musician?
The answer to this changes all the time.  Right now I love Bethany Dillon.  I love to sing along at the top of my lungs, especially to her song, “The Kingdom”.

11) How do you cope with disappointments?
In the past year I have learned more about dependence on the Lord than ever before.  The Lord goes before all things and in Him all things hold together.  So when I’m disappointed, I have to remember that the One who is in control is far bigger and wiser than I am and He has everything under control.

Newsletter March 2012

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March 2012 Blog

Our Lives as Well

In my team church we are studying 1 Thessalonians.  Yesterday the passage we read in chapter 2 hit me upside the head with conviction, encouragement, and a reminder of grace.  I want to share a couple of those verses with you.

“We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts… We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else”

Wow.  First of all, I can not say that the first one is always true of my in my missionary journey.  Especially when I write blogs and newsletters to supporters back at home.  I want so badly to receive recognition and for someone to tell me that I’m doing a good job.  I’m a sucker for affirmation.  And yet, I really know that if not one other person knew what I was doing here, the Lord would call me to do the same thing… to love on these girls, to serve them, and to share the Gospel with them in every chance that I get.

“Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.”

This second one is about to become our house’s theme verse.  Just last night we were walking out the door to take someone we barely know to the hospital and I looked at Kate and said, “but our lives as well.”  Sometimes the Lord interrupts our lives, interrupts our normal, and asks us to give more of ourselves than we had signed up for originally.  Sometimes he brings street kids to our door when we’re tired and feeling ornery.  Sometimes taking kids to church makes it hard to stay after and make friends of our own.  Sometimes he asks me to love people who smell bad, or who are throwing up.  And its easy to think, “Lord I’ve done enough.  I’m here right?!?”  But He who called us to Honduras called us to share not only the Gospel, but our lives as well.  In Honduras, in North Carolina, in full-time ministry jobs or if I go home and work at Starbucks.  “our lives as well…”

“And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as a human word, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is indeed at work in you who believe.”

And I was so convicted as I read this last verse that I so badly want for people to see Jesus and His Gospel when they see me.  Especially in a position like the one I have, sometimes I see that the girls accept what I’m saying only b/c of my education, my leadership over them and because I have been kind to them.  I never want them to accept the Gospel because of my human word.  I long for them to know that it is the TRUTH b/c it is the Word of God at work within them and given to them by the One who loves them far more than I ever can and who is far more faithful than I will ever be.  So pray that when people look at me, at my roommates, at my team, that they will not see us, but only Jesus.

Comercial Puerta de Esperanza

That means store.  That’s right, we’re starting a store :)

The Lord is full of surprises, I mean, the kind of things I never could have pretended to think up.  We have been praying over the last month for jobs for the girls, specifically for C as she needs to be able to help pay for her college starting in August.  It is hard to find work, especially with a flexible enough schedule that will allow her to go to school and be a good mom. 

Turns out that our house mom used to sell used clothes (which is really common here) and when I hired her she was in between two locations.  But she still had a whole stock of stuff sitting in her house that she was willing to sell to us!  And the Pettengills had a bunch of stuff that they kindly donated to us to get started.  So now we have two rooms full of clothes and our first clients have come to the house!  The girls are already making some money that they’ll use to buy clothes hangers and sign materials, etc.

I don’t want strangers in the house, for obvious reasons, so we’ll be renting a store front, hopefully within walking distance from the house.  There are permits to get and paperwork to fill out and I know nothing about running a business.  Again, God has a sense of humor.  But we’re all going to learn together.  And the best part is that the girls can make jewelry and sell it, learn to sew bags and maybe even baby quilts and sell them, and basically anything else that they want.

Can you help?  Yes yes yes.

The less money that we have to invest in clothes up front, the more money goes straight to the girls and making Puerta de Esperanza totally self-sustaining.  (Isn’t it cool that the Lord is making a way for this ministry to sustain itself?)  So if you want to donate clothes… please do it!  We have summer teams coming down that can maybe bring stuff and other visitors as well.  Or there are ways to mail stuff.  We’ll figure it out.  Let me know if you have stuff to send us!