Jesus Calling

Nan gave me a devotional book for Christmas called “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young.  What I read last week pretty summed up my life as a missionary, so I thought I would share it with you.

“You can achieve the victorious life through living in deep dependence on Me.  People usually associate victory with success: not falling or stumbling, not making mistakes.  But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way, forgetting about Me.  It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me.

True dependence is not simply asking Me to bless what you have decided to do.  It is coming to Me with an open mind and heart, inviting Me to plant My desires within you.  I may infuse within you a dream that seems far beyond your reach.  You know that in yourself you cannot achieve such a goal.  Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me.  It is a faith-walk, taken one step at a time, leaning on Me as much as you need.  This is not a path of continual success but of multiple failures.  However, each failure is followed by a growth spurt, nourished by increased reliance on Me.  Enjoy the blessedness of a victorious life, through deepening your dependence on Me.”

So yeah.  That’s my life right now and it’s a hard blessing.  The Lord definitely put in my heart a dream that was far beyond my reach.  I was talking to Kate yesterday about all the disappointments.  Every time we’ve had to push back the date, every time a new girl didn’t work out, every time things cost more than I had anticipated, every time I think about how much more there is to do… it seems like I cannot achieve the goal of opening this girl’s home.  And yet… its really happening.  The Lord has made it so clear that this is HIS project, HIS ministry.  He has opened all the doors to make it possible.  And yes, there are still a thousand unanswered questions… but HE is right there in the middle of those too.  I believe that He will not leave us in the process because its HIS.  These girls are HIS and this home is HIS.  And He is teaching me to let go and stop thinking of all that I can offer.  And its hard, so hard to not be able to have all the answers.  But I think the Lord did it as a blessing for me so that I could learn to walk in faith and prayer.

In that vein, I’ll give you a brief update.  I think that Lord has brought us an abuela.  I meet with her again today and then I’ll know for sure.  But keep praying…