Lostness

Well, darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket.
I sailed my ship of safety ‘til I sank it.
I’m crawling on your shores.

A number of years ago, a friend introduced me to this song by the Indigo girls.  And I actually love it.  It has such catchy music and I love to sing it.  And on top of which, its true.  I remember her pointing out to me just how aptly this song describes out life outside of Christ.  It really paints a picture of someone who is trying desperately to find answers, but not getting anywhere.  They try doing something with their life, they try intellect, they try the doctor, the mountains, the children, the fountains… but come up with nothing.  And so their answer… do nothing.  The less I seek my source, the closer I am to find.  And they just stop trying pretending that if they just ignore it, the gnawing feeling to know purpose and truth will just go away.  But it doesn’t.

Unfortunately I feel like this statement has rung true far too often in my life… “darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable, and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear…”  Man its true.  Sin has such a pull, but is never satisfied.  Sin always demands more from you than you will ever be able to give without offering any actual freedom.  And the further you get in, the harder it is to hear the call of the light.

Praise the Lord that He doesn’t leave us there and that this song is not the end of the story.

“For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have REDEMPTION, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians :13-14

He keeps pursuing me and keeps drawing me out, even though I find myself back in sin much more often that I would like to admit.  And not only does He rescue me from sin, but He gives me answers, TRUTH, and purpose, and a new identity as His child.  He has opened my eyes to the goodness of His grace and given me the great hope that comes from knowing Jesus.  And I don’t have to search anymore.

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I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously.
It’s only life, after all.

Well, darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket.
I sailed my ship of safety ‘til I sank it.

I’m crawling on your shores.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains,
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains.
There’s more than one answer to these questions,
Pointing me in a crooked line.

The less I seek my source,
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy,
With his poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knees,
He never did marry, or see a B-grade movie,
But he graded my performance,
He said he could see through me.

I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind.
Then I got my paper, and I was free.

I stopped by a bar at 3am
To seek solace in a bottle, or possibly a friend
And I woke up to a headache like my head against a board,
Twice as cloudy as I’d been the night before,
When I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains.
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains.
We go to the Bible, we go through the workout,
We read up on Revival, we stand up for the lookout.
There’s more than one answer to these questions,
Pointing me in a crooked line.

The less I seek my source,
The closer I am to fine.

--"Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls