Freedom

“I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart FREE!” – Psalm 119:32

In class on Friday I had to talk about the difference between freedom and licentiousness.  When she gave the assignment and I choose my set of words, I honestly had no idea what I was choosing.  She had written them up on the board and since I recognized “libertad” I thought, why not?  I had no idea what the other word meant at a time.  Well… pretty sure if she’d realized the sermonette it would have turned into, she would have assigned me a different set of words :)

The truth is this is something that brings up really strong emotions in my heart.  In fact, I tear up just thinking about it.  It makes me think of people in my life who have chosen to seek freedom outside of the Lord and the great cost to them because they will never find it.  It makes my heart hurt for those that I love who think that living above the rules (whether moral or lawful) will bring them the freedom they are seeking.  And it makes me hurt for the many times that this has been me… and how hard-headed I am that it will be me again.

I remember my dad saying one time that freedom comes from following the rules.  And my dad is a rule-follower.  If you know him you will understand that learning to drive with dad meant you never went a half-mile over the speed limit.  If we ever want to be on time and we’re running late, dad doesn’t get to drive.  And I remember getting a lecture for sneaking food into the movie theater.  You get the point.

But then I think about moments in my life when I’ve seen the flashing lights come behind me knowing that I’m going over the speed limit or seeing the employee at the theater walk towards me and my contraband.  And I have to agree with my dad… that sure doesn’t feel like freedom.

The Lord has taught me, no scratch that, is still teaching me, that real freedom comes in obedience.  He has given me GREAT freedom from sin and from an obligation to the law.  And He has given me a beautiful picture of His great love for me and shown me repeatedly that He can be trusted.  And then, as the Jesus Storybook Bible puts it, He gave me rules “to show how life works best”.  The problem is I don’t always believe Him that His way is the best way and I try it out my way first.

I love the verse I put at the top of this novel-like post (sorry for that by the way).

“I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart FREE!” – Psalm 119:32

That’s the thing isn’t it?  That knowing my great freedom in Christ, He has freed me up to run after Him, to obey His law, to seek the heart of God and in doing so run after all the things that are ultimately best for me.  What great freedom comes from living in obedience to so great a love. 

I so desperately want to believe and remember this every day of my life.

Channeling the inner nerd

True confessions tonight. The Lord knew that I needed some encouragement. It has been a rough week of Spanish. I feel like my Spanish is MUCH worse than it was three weeks ago. Three weeks ago I could speak semi-fluidly and mostly get my point across. Stupid subjuntive has ruined my life and made me realize that about half of what I said was wrong. Awesome. So now every time I open my mouth to speak in Spanish, I second guess myself and stumble over all my words. Its terribly disheartening.

And then to add insult to injury I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday. How disappointing to enter into the shocking reality that it is, as has been all day, Friday. Thankfully we were talking about “I wish” with impossibilities in class today. So I got to let everyone know how much I wished it was Friday over and over again…

Ojalá que hoy fuera viernes.
Ojalá que mañana fuera sabado.
Ojalá que ayer hubiera ido jueves.

It seriously made my heart sad and put me in a semi-bad mood.

So then tonight I was super frustrated with computers, wanted to eat Lucky Charms for dinner, but didn’t have any milk, feeling frustrated that my hair still isn’t long enough to stay in a pony-tail… oh woe is me.

And then that boast of encouragement that I needed came. Who would have thought it would be a skype tutor session in Calculus… but indeed! One of the girls from home called me with a calculus test looming over her head for tomorrow and a homework set due at 11. Praise the Lord I am good at something! It was so good for my heart to be able to help her make formulas and do derivatives. I am such a nerd. I could literally do math problems for hours (and I have!). It sucks me in and I love the way it is a challenge and makes me think and solve the puzzle. I got a graphing calculator app for my ipod that makes me super excited (again, the inner nerd, let’s not judge).

It just feels good to have something that you’re good at and something that you have to offer. So… tonight in the midst of all the Spanish that I cannot seem to make come out of my mouth, I’m thankful for Calculus!

Jars of Clay

Maybe this is just an old-school kind of night because I’m also listening to the first Jars of Clay and I can’t get my homework done because I can’t stop singing along.

Man, these songs are so good…

This one is my favorite from the album and was also my theme song for pretty much my whole freshman year of college… Liz will remember :)  We only played it on the guitar EVERY day!

Worlds Apart lyrics
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide

With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?

All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

La Princesa Prometida

So for tomorrow I have to summarize a movie in Spanish for my class.  When thinking through some old favorites, I of course stumbled upon a classic… The Princess Bride.  Man, what a good movie!  I love it.  And the best part is its not too complicated so I should be able to explain it in Spanish.  I wish I could translate quotes because some of them are just so funny!  But since I can’t… here they are in English…

Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.

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Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

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Inigo Montoya: He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.

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Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

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Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH.

(for more http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/quotes)

Ways to feel like you haven’t learned anything

#1.  Take an actual document that is important.  Write it in English with the best grammar and vocabulary that you can muster.  Now try translating it into Spanish.

You end up saying all the important things you were trying to say with the vocabulary of a 6 year old, the grammar of a 3 year old, and list of things that still aren’t right that are a mile long.  And in the end you have managed to say nothing with the intent with which you first wrote it. 

Talk about humility.

Making it a habit.

Probably shouldn’t make blog stealing a habit, but I love my brother and I think you should all read his blog!

http://acrisisxan.blogspot.com/2011/02/terrifying-plan-of-god.html

Trabalenguas

Tongue twisters!

Just had a taxi driver on the way back from downtown who is a retired Spanish teach from the local university.  He was so excited that we were learning Spanish and proceeded to teach us tongue twisters.  I wrote them down, of course.

Como poco como poco compro cocos

Cuando la cacatrepa trepa, trepan los cuatro cacatrepitos

yum

I have a new favorite food.  Unfortunately it is a “brought from home” product and not a central american norm.  I’m pretty devastated about that because it is delicious.  Tonight I just cut up tons of fresh veggies, cooked a little chicken, and made some rice… then I added the secret ingredient.

If you haven’t had it and you live within an hour of a Trader Joes… you should go get it immediately.  Its awesome.  And if you want to buy an extra and put it away in the “take when I visit Shannon in Honduras” pile, you are welcome to do that as well.

End of tirade.

Also, have I mentioned how much I love housesitting?  Thanks Craig family :)

A story

I'm bad at blog stealing. Whoops! Tonight I stole this from my team leader's blog... Mike . But I was so excited about it that I just can't help it!

Apparently every year on Mother's Day MTW (Mission to the World) focuses on their Street Child ministry around the world. This year they are highlighting the work that my team is doing in Honduras by telling the story of one of the kids we work with named Oneida. You can read about her in the insert below.

The street children's ministry in Honduras is becoming a reality and I am so excited to get there just in time to be a part of it. The Lord is really growing our team and bringing more people to work with us. This frees us up to expand and reach more people with the Gospel. Please be praying for us to know exactly what that looks like. We desperately need the Lord's wisdom and direction.

SCS Insert

Valentine’s Day

Although Valentine’s Day is not my overall favorite holiday of the year… it has one very redeeming quality. 

My dad isn’t really a card writer… we used to joke with him that we could write 6-10 cards in the span of time it takes him to write one.  But I think its because he cares so much that he wants to say what he means and it takes time to think of exactly how to put it into words.  But because he doesn’t write often, it makes it all the more special when he does.  And every Valentine’s Day for as long as I can remember I have gotten roses and a hand-written card from my dad.  And it means so much to me.

I remember the first year I was in college I was a little sad that I wouldn’t get roses on Valentine’s Day… but don’t worry, one of my friends hand-delivered them to my room with a card from my dad.

Well this year he and my mom outdid themselves and managed to surprise me with roses from countries away.  When I went to hang out at the Messick’s house tonight little Micah came out with roses in his hands for me.  I love it.  Card from my parents, but written by my dad of course, and hand delivered by friends.  That’s a good Valentine’s Day.

Thanks mom and dad!

Lostness

Well, darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket.
I sailed my ship of safety ‘til I sank it.
I’m crawling on your shores.

A number of years ago, a friend introduced me to this song by the Indigo girls.  And I actually love it.  It has such catchy music and I love to sing it.  And on top of which, its true.  I remember her pointing out to me just how aptly this song describes out life outside of Christ.  It really paints a picture of someone who is trying desperately to find answers, but not getting anywhere.  They try doing something with their life, they try intellect, they try the doctor, the mountains, the children, the fountains… but come up with nothing.  And so their answer… do nothing.  The less I seek my source, the closer I am to find.  And they just stop trying pretending that if they just ignore it, the gnawing feeling to know purpose and truth will just go away.  But it doesn’t.

Unfortunately I feel like this statement has rung true far too often in my life… “darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable, and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear…”  Man its true.  Sin has such a pull, but is never satisfied.  Sin always demands more from you than you will ever be able to give without offering any actual freedom.  And the further you get in, the harder it is to hear the call of the light.

Praise the Lord that He doesn’t leave us there and that this song is not the end of the story.

“For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have REDEMPTION, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians :13-14

He keeps pursuing me and keeps drawing me out, even though I find myself back in sin much more often that I would like to admit.  And not only does He rescue me from sin, but He gives me answers, TRUTH, and purpose, and a new identity as His child.  He has opened my eyes to the goodness of His grace and given me the great hope that comes from knowing Jesus.  And I don’t have to search anymore.

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I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously.
It’s only life, after all.

Well, darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket.
I sailed my ship of safety ‘til I sank it.

I’m crawling on your shores.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains,
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains.
There’s more than one answer to these questions,
Pointing me in a crooked line.

The less I seek my source,
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy,
With his poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knees,
He never did marry, or see a B-grade movie,
But he graded my performance,
He said he could see through me.

I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind.
Then I got my paper, and I was free.

I stopped by a bar at 3am
To seek solace in a bottle, or possibly a friend
And I woke up to a headache like my head against a board,
Twice as cloudy as I’d been the night before,
When I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains.
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains.
We go to the Bible, we go through the workout,
We read up on Revival, we stand up for the lookout.
There’s more than one answer to these questions,
Pointing me in a crooked line.

The less I seek my source,
The closer I am to fine.

--"Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls

Starch

One of my biggest problems living here in Costa Rica is the starch ingestion.  I mean, not that I don’t like it… I love almost all things starchy… potatoes, rice, bread, corn, pancakes, etc.  But we just don’t need to have quite so many at one meal.  We eat rice at breakfast with beans, at lunch with potatoes, and at dinner with potatoes or bread or both. There is a conversation that repeats at my house constantly.  My host mom will make a starchy soup with potatoes, cayote, green plantain, and about 4 other starchy vegetables… and then proceed to try to serve me rice with it.

No thank you. I’ll get you rice its fresh. No thank you. It is better if you eat it with rice. I don’t really want any, this is great. Are you sure? Yes, I’m sure.  This looks delicious.

We have this conversation multiple times a week.  So tonight I decided to cut it off before it can start. Do you want soup with potatoes? Yes please, but no rice. (I proceed to decline rice 3 times)

But then I look over and notice the delicious fresh bread sitting on the counter that she just bought this morning… hmm… that would go well with soup.  So, I ask for bread. And then it hits me.  This is my life.  I am a double starch eater.  My poison is just bread, not rice.  I would take it as a side dish at every meal.  Oh, judgmental heart… you have been humbled again.

8 months

I missed the actual date, but yesterday marked my 8 month mark of living here in Costa Rica.  Can you believe it?  I honestly cannot.

Its incredible how my mindset towards living here has changed over time.  I went from feeling like a fish out of water to really feeling like this is my home.  I went from being able to say “where is the bathroom” to actually being able to have a conversation.  And I went from not knowing a soul in the whole country to seeing the Lord provide great friends and fellowship.

It has been quite a journey.  And just one more step along the way to getting to Honduras.  “Many the miles…”

It is going to be bittersweet to leave.  I am planning to be in Honduras before May 1, so I have some more time to enjoy Costa Rica.  But its hard to think about saying another set of goodbyes when I have started to think of this place as home and these people as family.  I’m so thankful for the Lord’s provision.

I wanted to write a clever list of 8 things about CR.  But I just don’t have it in my at the moment.  Maybe later :)

made my night

Tonight I got back from dinner and when I walked in the door I was greeted by my host mom’s 2 year old grand-daughter who said…

“Hola!  Shannon!  Mi amiga!”

Umm… I loved it.  So I proceeded to play action figure with her for the next hour.  I am so excited that I can finally understand most of what she says and actually play with her.  I read her a princess book and then she went back and retold me the whole story in her own words… absolutely precious.

Thankful for friends

Today my heart is just full and I’m thankful for my friends.  The Lord is overwhelmingly good to me to put people in my life who love me, encourage me, and point me back to HIM.  I was so sad leaving the US nearly 8 months ago because I was walking into the great unknown.  I came to Costa Rica not knowing a soul in the whole country.  And now I find that I am going to be sad to leave because the Lord has provided in ways that I would not have thought possible. 

He has given me a place within families here, a sweet group of women who study the Bible with me, exceptional classmates, game playing friends, cooking friends, friends who let me use their kitchens, high school girls so that I don’t forget where I came from, friends who speak Spanish, friends who speak English, friends that are 2 years old, friends that have mentored me, and friends who love to travel and adventure.

But most of all I am thankful for the friends who just understand my heart.  They understand what it is to be a mess and not have all the answers all the time.  They understand how sweet it is to know the grace of God in Jesus and they point me back to knowing His goodness and forgiveness and freedom.  I know that what I crave is to be truly known and truly loved and the realization of that desire comes only in knowing Jesus.  But isn’t it sweet to get a taste of it in friendship?

These are the days I love…

This picture isn’t actually from today.  But it could be a picture from many recent days.  The Messicks moved into a house with a great hammock spot.  So now I can sit in my new hammock (thanks mom and dad!), do homework, and snuggle with 2 of my favorite little boys.  Can I life get better than this?  I submit that it cannot.

One of my favorite moments last week was when everyone was napping except Elijah (age 2).  I was reading in the hammock so he kept bringing books so that he could lay in the hammock and read with me.  While I was reading he would sit looking at pictures and just sing his way through every book… just whatever was on his mind.  I loved it!

A letter

Dear subjuntivos…

It looks like I’m stuck with you.  But that does not mean that we are friends.  Today you made me cry at school.  I don’t like that at all.  Tonight you are eating up my whole evening with your silly conjugations and “rules” with exceptions.  How can something even be called a rule when it has so many exceptions and special cases?  I’m tired of you, seriously.  I’m really sad that you are such a necessary part of my life.  Can you please start being a little nicer to me?  We’re going to spend a lot of time together… maybe we could try to get along.

With regards,
Shannon

bloopers

I kind of like when I get to write about a Spanish error that isn’t mine.  I probably shouldn’t tell on other people, but this one was just too funny to keep to myself. This morning in my conversation class we had to give directions with commands on how to do a task.  One of the students had to give directions for cleaning your teeth…  He did great until he got to flossing.  Unfortunately the word for floss is very similar to the word for son.

Hilo – floss / Hijo – son

So just use your imagination to see how those directions turned out.

* Wrap the son around your fingers
* Put the son between your teeth
* Move the son back and forth to remove the food remnants