Love

They say that marriage will teach you a lot about yourself, and especially your sin.  I don´t know who ¨they¨are exactly who say that, but they are right.  I never knew that I was so selfish or had so many unspoken expectations... for myself, my husband, and my kids.

This week I found myself crying in the shower, because it is pretty much the only place that I get left alone if I´m crying :)  I was just overwhelmed by my inability to love my family the way that I want to, and not knowing what to do when I can´t control my emotions.  I get frustrated or irritated at such little things until the boil over into one big tear-causing thing.  And I was just sitting in the shower praying, the Lord brought these verses to mind.  Ironically... they are the verses that the pastor read at our wedding.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Bad news.  I boast, I am proud, I insist on my own way.  I can be ever so irritable and I have a hard time not bringing up past wrongs.  I am afraid my bearing all things looks a lot more like complaining about all things some days.

I am a helpless failure at being able to love my family well.  But as I sat there crying our faithful God reminded me that He is the one who loves perfectly.  Slowly but surely He is making me more like Him and slowly but surely I will love more humbly, let go of things that are not important, stop pointing out faults and start being a better encocurager.  I am confident in the ability of the Lord to show our family what it means to love well.  I am so thankful for that.  But also thankful for this guide that He has given me to remind me what to strive for, how to keep in perspective what is important.

And honestly, I have felt like I have been in a dry spell with the Lord... and I was so excited to have this Scripture speak right to me, right where I am.  In the middle of learning this new life of mine... just to be reminded that the Lord is walking it with me, He doesn´t leave me on my own.  And we are all learning together... I had my English class of all the Ordoñez cousins start memorizing these verses yesterday so that it will be something the kids and I can remember together.