Full House!

By the end of this next week we should have a full house at Puerta de Esperanza!  

One of the things that has been so sweet is to see the Lord pull together different ministries that are going on with Team Honduras.   Leile lives in Armenia Bonito where the Pettengills work and also worked at the PDE store for awhile.  She went with us to the church retreat in April and we continue to get to minister to her and be a part of her life.   Last week she called me about this sweet girl who had just come back to live in the neighborhood, she is 16 and has a little boy and they needed help!

A few visits later, it looks like K will be moving in next week as soon as the paperwork from the lawyer is ready.  She and her 5 month old son are currently living with her mom who will sign paperwork so that she doesn't have to come to us through social services.  Mom has 5 other children and is unable to provide for her daughter and grandson.  I am so thankful that she is willing to cooperate with us and was almost in tears when she came to visit and hear about the opportunities that her daughter will have.  K has only ever been to first grade so we will be working hard with her to try to get her caught up in school and able to graduate from 6th grade within the next couple of years.  The baby has some allergies and stomach problems caused by only drinking milk straight from a cow since he was 2 months old!  So we'll be working with that as well.  K seems very sweet, eager to come, and eager to do her part to see the Lord change her story.  

Please pray more than anything for her to know Jesus personally!  Pray for the transition of all the girls in the house... they are all nervous and excited!

Dixi

So I wrote not long ago telling you about are sweet nine year old psuedo daughter Dixi :)  She came to us out of a shady situation where she and her sister had been living with a man whose secretive lifestyle leads us to believe he did not have good in mind for them.

Nicolle has been beside herself to have a sister for a few weeks.  They have played princesses, colored, danced around the house, done each other's hair, and fought and told on each other.  You can't have fun without fighting when you're sisters... apparently.

Sunday was a really hard day for Dixi... she was sensitive and shed a lot of tears, struggled with her attitude and was not the laid back girl that we have loved on for a few weeks.  But there was a reason, change was coming... change she was excited about, but oh so nervous.  Yesterday was a big day for her!  She started at a new school and moved in with Mike and Ashley Troxell!  I was a little worried about it after our rough Sunday, but she did GREAT!  She enjoyed school and was talking a mile a minute when she got home and she loves being at Mami Ashley's house.

This girl was made to be Ashley's daughter... she has a huge imagination, loves to draw and be creative, work in the garden, and has an artsy side to her that my math brain just really couldn't cultivate.

By the grace of God, Dixi's mom signed paperwork allowing the Troxells to be her legal guardians for the next 6 months.  And then, against all odds, God opened the door for her to go to Angel's same school even though they are 4 months into the school year.

I have to brag on my boy.  He has been so sweet to his psuedo-sister.  He made sure to let her know that he would come find her in recess and find out what class she was in and then come pick her up from class to wait for their rides together.  And he did, he bought her chips with his own money and went to find her during recess to make sure she was okay.  But then he said... "but mom, she already had all these friends, she didn't need me."  Ha.  But that's actually great news.  The girls in her class are excited that she is there and are being really sweet to her.

Ashley reports that yesterday was full of nerves and excitement.  But in the end I can only praise the Lord.  He gave her to us for a short time to love on her and offer some stability... and honestly, it is hard to say goodbye even though she will be two streets away :)  But I am confident that she is exactly where she needs to be with Mike and Ashley and Lyssa loving on her and seeking the Lord for the best way to meet her many needs.  Praise the Lord with us that He has a plan for her sweet little life and pray that she will know Jesus in a grace-filled way and rest in His love for her!

Love

They say that marriage will teach you a lot about yourself, and especially your sin.  I don´t know who ¨they¨are exactly who say that, but they are right.  I never knew that I was so selfish or had so many unspoken expectations... for myself, my husband, and my kids.

This week I found myself crying in the shower, because it is pretty much the only place that I get left alone if I´m crying :)  I was just overwhelmed by my inability to love my family the way that I want to, and not knowing what to do when I can´t control my emotions.  I get frustrated or irritated at such little things until the boil over into one big tear-causing thing.  And I was just sitting in the shower praying, the Lord brought these verses to mind.  Ironically... they are the verses that the pastor read at our wedding.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Bad news.  I boast, I am proud, I insist on my own way.  I can be ever so irritable and I have a hard time not bringing up past wrongs.  I am afraid my bearing all things looks a lot more like complaining about all things some days.

I am a helpless failure at being able to love my family well.  But as I sat there crying our faithful God reminded me that He is the one who loves perfectly.  Slowly but surely He is making me more like Him and slowly but surely I will love more humbly, let go of things that are not important, stop pointing out faults and start being a better encocurager.  I am confident in the ability of the Lord to show our family what it means to love well.  I am so thankful for that.  But also thankful for this guide that He has given me to remind me what to strive for, how to keep in perspective what is important.

And honestly, I have felt like I have been in a dry spell with the Lord... and I was so excited to have this Scripture speak right to me, right where I am.  In the middle of learning this new life of mine... just to be reminded that the Lord is walking it with me, He doesn´t leave me on my own.  And we are all learning together... I had my English class of all the Ordoñez cousins start memorizing these verses yesterday so that it will be something the kids and I can remember together.
  

A look back

Recently Rebecca sent me an email that said this...

I was cleaning out my email and deleting stuff and I found this email from you.  I don't even know why you sent it to me but there was an email from feb 2011 with a document attatched titled "home for young single moms" It was your plan and basic "outline" of PDE. It was just so beautiful to read through it and see what the Lord has made a reality in just 2 short years.  

I am so thankful for you and your faithfulness to listen to his calling on your life.  As I grieve the loss of you being a close-by-living-life-together  friend, I am so thankful for the time we had and the enormous blessing you were in my relationship with the Lord.  Thank you for all you have taught me and I pray the Lord would continue to use you in the lives of those around you now.  Here is a little excerpt: 

"There is one thing for sure… I will not have all the answers before I try it and fall on my face a couple of times. I am already sure that there will be someone who abandons their baby with us. There will be someone who quits and goes back to the street because it’s just too hard. There will be girls that we have to kick out because they aren’t holding up their end of the deal. It will fail sometimes. But if it succeeds with one girl it’s worth it to me."

Wow.  What an blessing of an email this was.  What a sweet reminder that the Lord is in charge of this ministry.  And oh, we have fallen on our face, I have felt in over my head, we have had a girl who left because it was too hard, mental illness, and a baby who needed foster care.  I wasn´t far off in my looking ahead.  But in the Lord´s goodness, there are three girls who are succeeding in the program, learning about Jesus, and learning how to be moms.  Praise Him for that!  What a sweet blessing.  And what a great reminder that it is worth it.  Its not about numbers or success, but about seeing the Lord change hearts and lives and families and futures and eternities.  

So thanks Rebecca for the good reminder :)

Thank You

Introducing... the many faces of W!  He is so full of himself, especially when he rolls his eyes back in his head.  What in the world?!? :)  I just wanted to share with you just a little bit of the every day joy that we get to have as a result of your generosity!

About a month ago we were VERY low on budget... I mean low enough that we did not have the money to make it through the month of May.  And  I was worried... I always worry.  I worry about how we will feed the little mouths and pay for school and get everyone where they need to go and pay for the house.  But this ministry is the Lord´s and I know that He holds it, so I was praying, and trying to trust... and I was writing email after email and blog after blog.

Thanks to your faithfulness and generosity, we now have enough money to make it through the rest of May and most of the way through June.

And I am still trusting... trusting that God will provide the monthly sponsors that we need to continue this ministry month by month.

I am so encouraged by the many emails that I received saying that you are praying, that even though some of you cannot give at the moment, you are joining us in prayer.  And I´m so thankful for the gifts that have come in that I know come at great sacrifice to the giver, so thank you so much.

It has been a dissapointing few weeks as far as monthly support is concerned.  I have contacted many churches, but the answers are all the same... there isn´t money, they are full for the year, they can´t take on new missionaries.  And I understand it, I´ve been on that side of things too.  But please pray for churches who have openings, that I will know who to email and how to speak.  That God will give us more individuals and families to be monthly donors.  And if anyone has a contact for me, please send me information at ssinnes@gmail.com.  I am willing to email or call whoever it takes to ask people to get on board with this ministry that God has put under my care.  And for those are giving, THANK YOU!!!  We really could not do it without you.

Seeking God

Today I am so thankful that God loves us in the midst of our selfishness, our stupidity, our stubborness.  Maybe not everyone has the moments, but I certainly do.  Today I feel very stubborn, foolish, selfish.  And I am so thankful that my salvation and my relationship with Christ does not depend on me, but depends on Him.  He is enough when I have nothing to give.

Last night Lesther and I were studying Romans with Mike and Ashley.  We have been SLOWLY making our way through Tim Kellers´study and its really good when we actually do it :)

I was really challenged by this...  Keller was talking about how true seekers are seeking God because they attracted to His holiness and glory, because they seek God for who He is in himself.


Lloyd-Jones says:

“Seeking [God] is much more active than asking [God] for things’. The moment you realize this content to the word ‘seek,’ you begin to see that the Apostle’s statement is quite right… Prayers do not mean that we are seeking God. Seeking God means you are trying to find God, and to get into His presence… To seek God means to desire God above everything and everybody, to seek His glory, to be anxious to promote his glory. To seek God in the biblical sense means that God is the center of our thinking.”

And it speaks also to good works through this story...

Once in a kingdom long ago, a gardener grew a huge carrot, and decided to give it to his prince, because he loved his sovereign. When he gave it, the prince discerned his love and devotion, and that he expected nothing in return. So as the gardener turned to leave, he said, “Here, my son, I want to give you some of my land so you can produce an even greater crop. It is yours.” And the gardener went home rejoicing. A nobleman heard of this incident and thought, “If that is what the prince gives in response to the gift of a carrot, what would he give to me if I gave him a fine horse?” So the nobleman came and presented the prince with a fine steed as a gift. But the prince discerned his heart and said, “You expect me to give to you as I did to the gardener. I will not. You are very different. The gardener gave ME the carrot. But you were giving yourself the horse.” (from a sermon by Charles Spurgeon)

I am just selfish.  I don`t always serve the Lord and do ¨good works¨ because of my deep love and devotion to the Lord.  Sometimes I want to be succesful, sometimes I want people to think well of me, sometimes I want to be recognized.

I want to love the Lord in this way... to desire more than anything to be in His presence, to seek Him, to be in the Word and in prayer longing desperately to know more of Him, wanting to give him everything.

Mother's Day PDE Style

That's right, they are all on the 4-wheeler!  Don't worry... we didn't actually drive the babies around :)  These pictures are from Carolina's birthday party, but I just love them because without planning it they all ended up posing on the 4-wheeler with their babies.  These moms are just so special to me.  They are doing the work of mom and dad and fighting to do the best by their kids.  They have their moments of course where I wonder how in the world they are going to make it... but the Lord is always working!

Last night after church I picked up pizza to take back to the house and celebrate with them.  I had bought little presents for the kids to give their moms, but only J is actually old enough to understand giving presents.  W cried and pitched a fit when I took the body splash out of his hands to give to his mom :)  Hmm... gotta work on the giving skills.

It was just a sweet time of getting to pray with and for them, thank the Lord for what He is doing in their lives, beg him for wisom and to keep teaching and growing them, and to just love on them a little bit.

I have realized over the last few months how much I lean on my husband when it comes to the kids and how overwhelming it would be to think about raising kids as a single mom.  It has definitely pushed me to pray for them more and more!

Happy Mother's Day to these three special moms!

C turns 20!

This week was C's birthday, so we had a party at our house.  She turned 20 this year!  Hard to believe that she has been with us for over a year now and we have seen her grow up so much.  She is the one that has really grown the most in the Lord.  She is just like a sponge soaking up God's Word and really applying His grace in her life.  She desires to be a Godly woman and a Godly mom.  She does her best to teach W about Jesus, even though he is only 1 1/2.  She is talented, a go-getter, and refuses to back down on her morals.  Right now she is having trouble at school because a professor wants her to pay him off basically for her grade.  And her answer is just to study harder.  She is doing everything she can to get a well-earned grade in that class, whether he wants to give it to her or not.  I'm just so proud of her for working hard.  If she has to repeat the class with a different professor, okay, but she can be proud of the fact that she has done her best!

We celebrated with a cookout at our house with all the girls and babies and some friends from church.  B makes the best corn tortillas, so she was giving us a lesson.  Mine never come out as good and we were so slow, she told us it would be a week later before we finished.  Thankfully Y stepped in to help so we finished before the meat was ready.

 Everyone loves the 4-wheeler... but what's not to love?  It goes fast and you get to wear a super cool helmet :)

 C was so nicely posing for the camera and then bent down to pose with the cake when... I don't know how it happened, but it ended up all over her face :)  Just kidding, I did it.  But she should have known it was coming.  That is totally Honduran tradition.  And then Lesther made it worse... he's such a trouble-maker.

Mother's Day

Its my first mother's day and I am alone in the house with my husband for the morning. :)  We are recovering from being two months married and already parents to 1,2,3,4 kids!  I have always believed that God puts us in situations to remind us that we need him, that we can't do it on our own.  And I think that being an instant mom in a differnet culture is definitely one of them.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I love my kiddos and I love every day that I get to spend with them getting to know their different personalities and use every possible moment to teach them something new.  Lesther asked me recently what is my favorite thing about being a mom and I can say without question that it is when I see them learning something new.  They are little sponges and soak up everything from English to Bible verses to music to higeine habits.  But oh the responsibility that comes with that.  What am I teaching them?
I have an idea in my head of a perfect mom, the mom that I would be if I wasn't working full-time, if I had a full-time maid so I didn't have to be distracted by mundane things like laundry and dishes, if I didn't get tired of have a bad attitude or just want to hole up in my room for an hour.  I'm sure it will come as a huge surprise, but that is not the mom that I am on a daily basis.  Sometimes it feels like all I can do is get home from work, cook something, do laundry, and get everyone to take a shower before crawling into bed.

In the course of one week we have missed homework assignements, totally punked out on the school fundraiser, missed brushing teeth, missed bedtime stories, watched too much TV or played too many video games, and had too many harsh words from mom over shoes and hair barrettes that seem to be constantly lost.  We live in a state of disaster when it comes to getting out of the house on time and getting all the details put in place.  And yet... in the grand scheme of things, does it matter?

I'm not ever going to be the perfect mom and its something that I will slowly have to accept.  There will always be dirty laundry and dirty dishes.  But for this week we were able to bring a new daughter home for a little while and show her what it looks like to be loved as part of a family.  This is Dixi on the left and she has been with us about two weeks.  We were able to talk about Jesus and salvation with Dixi and Nicolle in a very 5 and 9 year old way.  We learned some English, some Bible verses, kids prayed out loud.  We sang itsy bitsy spider more

times than I can count, cleaned up vomit, and went swimming.  This week we loved on each other, served each other, and laughed a lot.  This week daddy did dishes and helped with laundry.  This week kids got a hang of their weekly chores.  This week mommy and daddy got a Sunday morning break and did not feel guilty about it at all! :)  I am so thankful for the many people who love our family and our kids and help us out at every turn!

I am happy to be a mom and I am learning to trust that in my moments of weakness God knows exactly what my kids need and will provide for them.  I am praying for them to know Him first and foremost and look to Him for all of their needs because mom is just never going to be able to meet them all.  I love love love this job that the Lord has given me as messy and crazy as it makes my life.  So happy mother's day to all of you out there who do this same crazy daily job!  It is so worth it :)

computer

In other news... blogging on the tablet is the slowest most tedious process.  My computer got eaten by a virus.  Totally eaten.  We, read Lesther, have tried everything to fix it.  New Ram, new hard drive, new windows, nothing.  Dead.  Heis currently working with my hard drive in a different computer to at least salvage the files, but the virus hid them.  Ugh.  So the new budget will be taking a hit this month because new computer certainly wasn't part of it.  And I don't know why it shakes me so much, but being compterless feels helpless... no communication, no ability to get parts of my work done, losing all the things I had saved.. I'm not going to lie, I cried.  Crazy how much I depend on that metal box.  So, alas.

The really fun news of the week is that we bought trees, oranges, leches, and avacado... and plants, gerber daises and a rose.  We are actually putting down roots.  We love our new house, our neighborhood, our family.  We are learning and growing and having easier days now that we are used to each other.  We just cant wait till our trees are big enough to put up hammocks:)

Rescue

How do you tell a 9 year old girl that the only stable life she has ever known was a lie?  That the only man she has ever called Papi was planning to do bad things to her?

I can't be sure of course... but it sure seems that way.  From the first day I heard about where they were it sounded suspicious.  A man who wants to help young girls, who wants to start a children's home, but not do anything legal, who is looking for girls who have no one to speak up for them, who don't have a voice.  And he found these two girls... 9 and 12 years old.  They are sisters of our dear friend G who has suffered so much in her life as well.  Their mom loves them, but just doesn't think things through.  I think sometimes desperation makes a mom overlook warning signs, red flags... sometimes out of a strong desire for your children to be cared for you do something that actual is harmful.  Sometimes you just want false promises to be real.

I lived for years knowing that little girls around the world suffer and are abused or sold... and my heart hurt for them.  But this week I have squeezed my little Nicolle a little tighter and wanted her constantly by my dad knowing that evil lives in apartment building we pass by every day.

Praise Jesus for his goodness and rescue plan... these girls ' mom called last week to see if we would help rescue her girls. She gave them to this man thinking they would have a better life, but then got a note from the older girl saying that they were not okay and needed to come home.  We said yes of course with very little plan, but started talking to the police about what our options were.  Miraculously in the middle of this the man brought them home for a 3 day visit... praise Jesus!  They are now basically hiding so cant try to take them back.  We had them for a little while and are still helping with the younger one.  In two weeks we should be able to establish a long term plan.

Please as you think about it be on your knees for these two. D who is 9 doesn't know where she belongs and was calling us mami and papi after a day.  Her little world is just so upside down.  And we don't know how to fit this into our new family life, just begging the Lord to show us and for at least 2 weeks Nicolle is loving having a sister.  Pray for the 12 year old to be willing to cooperate.... when I went to social services they really can't do anything if she doesn't talk and we just don't want this to happen to anyone else.  And pray for mom.... ultimately a lot of these decisions fall into her seemingle incapable hands.  Pray that she will unselfishly make wise decisions for her children.

Its been awhile...

I hadn't seen this guy in awhile, but on Thursday I stopped by the Peter Project, Kate's day center for street kids and saw precious Kevin!  When I first walked in she asked him if he was going to say hi to me.. "Nope" he replied, "I don't know her".  Resentment much?!?  :)  Not to be phased, I sat down in front of him where he was making words out of bananagrams.  The result was this...

"Te quiero"/I love you... he looks up at me and grins, but pretends to still be angry
"Te extrano"/I miss you... a bigger grin and then writes back
"Yo tambien"/me too

In the end I got a hug.  I think that's a win :)