Oh the joys

The joys of being on bedrest... some sarcastic and some very real joys!
* Listening to the kids run around like crazy in the morning and knowing that they are going to be late to school, but being unable to help or do anything about it.
* Having to ask for help... I really hate that one.  I would much rather be the helper than the helpee :)
* Watching 2 seasons on 24 in a span of 4 days... don't judge.  There isn't much to do around here!
* Having more power outages in our neighborhood this past week than we have had in the last year.  Good timing power company!
* Looking forward to a daily shower b/c its the longest I get to be out of bed!
* More time to do homework and start the school year off well with my kids
* Church at home with the family and sweet prayers with the kids
* Resting, a lot.
* Listening to lots of sermons
* Being reminded that God is in charge and not me!

As I have laid in bed for a full week now it has been hard not to feel like I am letting people down.  But listen, life goes on, and God's timing is still perfect.  This week while I did nothing, God put it on one of my supporters' hearts to up their support by $100/month!  Wow.  This is a huge answer to prayer because I am overwhelmed by two infants and what that will mean for a support trip any time in the near future.  I talked to the lawyer earlier this week who has made contact with a possible psychologist.  She will meet with her tomorrow and if it looks promising, set me up for a phone interview with her.  And I got a call this morning about a potential girl for PDE who is coming out a children's home near Tegucigalpa.  Since she isn't here, I wouldn't have met with her in person anyway, but am setting up phone interviews.  So God keeps opening doors and reminding me once again that He has got it all under control!!!

Who in your family has twins?

I knew I was in trouble when I went in for an ultrasound at 8 weeks and the tech started chuckling... I just don't know that that's a very good sign!  She follows with, "Who in your family has twins?"  I'm sorry... why are you asking me that?  Are you kidding?  What in the world?!?

I must say I spent a good week in shock, but once I finally got my head wrapped around the news I could not be more excited that we are having TWINS!  My mind still races sometimes keeping me up at night thinking through the details... but that's the curse of being type A.

I wrote this post a few days after finding out about the twins and I will say it again... God is good at giving us more than we can handle.  I was set to have a baby.  I take care of babies all the time, what's one more?  I wasn't even going to worry about buying much stuff... give me a moby wrap to strap that baby on and we'll be good to go.  You think God sensed that I was being a little over-confident?  Now I'm researching double strollers and trying to figure out how we're going to survive without a mini-van!  Thankfully God gave me a very low-key husband who has been excited from the first moment he heard and keeps me from freaking out too much.  And I just keep reminding myself that God knew before he sent us twins where we live, what the hospitals are like, what car we drive... He's got it under control. :)  So thankful to be able to trust so completely in a God who knows our every need.

This week we had a new adventure with some pregnancy complications.  All I can say is... please don't make me stay on bedrest until February... there are not enough seasons of TV shows.  But really, on Wednesday we had a little scare, but were so thankful to find out that both babies have strong heartbeats and are growing well!  I just have to be on bedrest for a few weeks until a follow-up ultrasound can show how things are going.  I am doing my best to obey doctor's orders and do... nothing.  And its actually been fine, except for the 17 hour power outage.  If we could avoid being without fans or AC again while I'm laying in my stuffy bedroom, that would be nice!

Teammates are being great helping out with PDE stuff and Lesther and his family and other friends are taking good care of us, so I cannot complain.  So thankful for people who love us and who are praying!  Please praise the Lord with us for these two little lives and pray for no more complications and that they will join our family healthy and well in February!

A first for PDE

Today Lyssa is taking a girl from La Fe to visit PDE and meet the house moms!  When K moves in the second week in September, she will be the FIRST girl to come into PDE pregnant!  Its a new adventure :)  Who doesn't need new adventures?!?

K is 15 years old and about 5 months pregnant.  I was privileged to meet her the same day that Dr. Greg gave her her first ultrasound and she got to see her healthy baby girl!  She is really excited and was glad to see it wasn't twins after having just talked to me :)

The family situation that K comes from is really tough.  Two of her brothers are involved in Peter Project with Kate and Mandy and they have seen firsthand how difficult of a home life it is.  There is often not enough food to eat and mom is pretty explosive and unpredictable.  When I first sat down and talked to K about life and her future, I asked her what kind of mom she wants to be.  Her first response was, "not like my mom."  Kind of tough when that's the example that you've had.  So I asked her if she knows anyone who is the kind of mom that she wants to be and she could not think of one example of loving mom that she would want to follow.  I feel the weight of that as I will be living out my life as a mom in front of her... it is not always pretty, sometimes we are a mess.  But I pray that in the midst of my motherhood she would see Jesus and grace and lots of forgiveness and love and maybe learn something.

Pray for K as she prepares to move in with us.  She is rough around the edges, to say the least, but I really believe that God has big plans for this girl.  She is honest and tough and believes the world has wronged her.  She believes God exists, but it doesn't go much further than that.  So pray for her to know Jesus and the freedom that comes with that!!!!!!

God gives us Connections!

In June of this year we had one of the biggest scares of my time in Honduras.  My parents were visiting for a few weeks and my mom ended up in the hospital for two days following a bad car accident.  Lesther's car was totaled and mom was pretty banged up with some broken bones, lots of stitches, and lots of bruises.  We were so thankful that God spared her life and protected the driver and two other passengers.  As a result we learned a lot about the justice system here, or lack thereof.  The other driver who was at fault was charged, but just decided to disappear and never pay and the police don't do anything.  The only other option is to hire an expensive lawyer, but the guy is potentially dangerous and you just don't want your name mixed up with people like that because they don't hesitate to use violence.  All in all, it was a pretty traumatic ordeal for all of us.

But God knows what He is doing, doesn't he?  One of mom's doctors was a really kind trauma surgeon who also does laparoscopic surgery.  We got to talking and found out that he is a believer and he asked lots of questions about why I'm here and what I do.  As I shared about PDE he offered his services in any way possible.  He works in private practice, but has rights at the public hospital as well, so he was willing to see any patients I brought him in that setting which is much less expensive.

Hmm... well, this sweet girl, C, who has lived with us for over two years now has had a hernia since she was 8 years old.  We haven't had the resources to do anything about it for her and neither did her family.  So, I took the nice doctor up on his word and took her to see him.

Two private office visits later he charged us a total of $10 and scheduled her surgery for next Wednesday when he will operate at the public hospital and charge us $15!!!!!!!!!!  You read that right... $15 for hernia surgery.  Wow.  Things work a little differently here and we have to go buy all the surgical needs, gloves, netting, masks, pint of blood, etc.  But still should be under $50 for everything.

C is nervous about surgery, but so excited to not have to live with this pain anymore!  Please pray for her that everything goes well and that she recovers quickly!  And thank the Lord with us that He works in the midst of every situation, as bad as it may seem.

Oppression

Imagine growing up in a home where you lost your dad at a young age.  Your mom remarries and chooses her new husband over you, her only child at the time.  You slowly feel more and more edged out as she has other children who are more well-loved.  And then it starts... around age 9... your step dad making advances and eventually it leads to more than that.  No one knows and you don't trust anyone enough to tell them.  Years later you muster the courage to tell you mom and she doesn't believe you or do anything to stop it.

What do you do?  What are your choices?  There is no way out.

You go to church, but it is just rules after rules... you decided to accept the God they speak about, but eventually being in the same church building with your mom and step-dad week after week knowing what goes on at home... its just too much.  So you leave.

And you do everything you can to try to forget.

And then there was a boy and he offered you a way out... a new life.  So you took it.  Its not the dream you thought, or maybe you really didn't dream at all, or think it through.  Maybe you took the only out you thought you may ever get.  But now you're not sure its better... life is like a prison because he is jealous and possessive and doesn't trust you to even go for a walk through the neighborhood.  And sometimes there is food, and sometimes there isn't.

And now there is going to be a baby.  Do you even know how to be a good mom?  And do you stay where you are?  If you leave where do you go?

In the back of your mind you also know that you know God, you met Him that time long ago in that legalistic church.  You feel far away from Him, but you know He is loving and you don't feel like he is judging you for your life and decisions.  But how to know more about Him when you can't leave the house to even go to church?

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I have said it before and I will say it again.  I know there are people in the States who feel oppressed, but it is not anything that I had experience with before moving here.  And as I meet people and hear their stories it makes me so desperate to fight for them.  I want them to know that there are options, that they don't have to live in fear and feeling like prisoners in their own homes.  I want them to know Jesus and be able to freely learn about and worship Him.  I want them to know that He is loving and full of forgiveness and grace.

But there are so many obstacles.  I want to tell them that they are options, but it is not always true.  What are their choices?  Where would they go?  Who would help them?  There are no food stamps or homeless shelters... if you don't have money, you just don't eat.  Is being a hungry pregnant woman living on the street worth leaving the man who mistreats you?

A girl I met last week shared her story with me.  She doesn't live with us at PDE and I may never have a chance to love on her again, her life is a mess.  But for a moment I got to sit with her and tell her that her baby is precious and a gift that God has given her.  That Jesus loves her and doesn't judge her for the things that she has done.  That she should fight for the freedom to go to church and know more of the Lord.

PDE gives us a chance to reach girls that have stories like these.  But not all of them.  There are so many that cannot come for one reason or another.  There are those that don't even feel the freedom to make the choice to leave the oppression they are living under to come.  There are those that don't even know what living in a healthy environment would even look like because they have never done it.

But some do come.  They come hurt and broken, rebellious and oh so difficult.  But we want them to have hope!

Do you see why this ministry is important?  I'll be honest... sometimes I'm overwhelmed and I feel like its too much, its too hard.  They have so many issues before they even come.  (see why a psychologist is so important?)

I listened to a sermon this morning that spoke directly to the discouragement that it is so easy to feel in the light of such an overwhelming Spiritual battle.  And I was so encouraged to focus on God's faithfulness.  HE has put this ministry in place.  HE has enabled us to work here.  And HE has already shown us fruit from what He wants to accomplish.  So I look at that faithfulness in the past and remember His promise that He never changes and I trust that He is so much bigger than physical and Spiritual oppression.  His is the victory!

God's People, the Church

As the people of God, the bride of Christ, we are far from perfect.  A few weeks ago I challenged the girls in Bible study to have to come up with an answer to a non-Christian who asks them why the church is so full of sin if these are supposedly God's people.  They really struggled with the answer, and I don't blame them.  Its hard to wrap your head around until you realize that the goal of Christianity is not being perfect and following all of God's rules.  The Lord is so much more concerned with our humility, recognizing our sin, fighting to know more and more of Him, and allowing the Holy Spirit to change us.  And change is hard, and sometimes slow.  And sometimes our sin nature fights awfully hard to hold on to us... but we have hope since we know that Jesus always wins!

But regardless, I love the church.  In spite of all of its imperfection, flawed leadership, and struggles.  I have learned more about Jesus through His people than anywhere else.  Through the teaching of His Word first and foremost, but also through fellow believers.  I have learned so much about grace, patience, hospitality, forgiveness, and and and...

I tell you all of this to say that I think the local church is a huge part of our ministry at Puerta de Esperanza... not because its perfect, but because we need the teaching of the Word and the fellowship with God's people.  And the truth is, its hard to find a good church around here and sometimes I get worried when the girls are off on their own and looking for a church.  But I trust this... God's Word never goes out void, so if they are studying His Word, He will speak to them.

Why am I writing this today?  Well... I am taking one of our new potential girls to church with us tonight to try it and see what she thinks.  She will commit to attend church regularly if she comes to live at the home, so its important for her to see if she will be able to do that.  I hope she falls in love with Jesus, and also with learning about Him in that setting.  AND I talked to M last night, the one who moved back to Tegucigalpa with a chip on her shoulder towards the Lord and told me she was done with Him.  Well, she just can't get Jesus out of her mind and she's been watching pastors on TV and reading her Bible and is going to start looking for a church tomorrow.

So I pray that they will love the church the way I do... in all its imperfections.  That they will love Jesus first and then want to be part of His people worshiping together.

Possibilities

Today I am meeting with two girls who are interested in PDE.  One is about 5 months pregnant and the other has a baby around 1 1/2 or 2 years old.  They are both from the area here in La Ceiba and both have expressed real interest in coming.  I am really asking the Lord for wisdom to know if they are a good fit to come and live with us!  I always enjoy this part of meeting new girls for the first time and starting the process of getting to know them.  But its also hard b/c they tend to say a lot of what they think I want to hear instead of really what is on their hearts.

I also am really burdened about moving them into the home before we have a psychologist to work with us.  I have two leads on potential psychologists, but as of now still haven't gotten to speak to either one of them yet.  Can you please pray with me that God will provide there perfect person to come alongside us in this way?  The need is so great...

Also last week we did a two day training with our house moms and Lyssa and Amy were both able to join us for that time.  It was very Gospel-centered, encouraging us to show the same love, mercy, and grace that we have received from the Lord to these girls as they enter the home.  There are so many situations with them where patience and compassion are so very hard.  But we know that it is worth it to fight to love them well and show them Jesus as much as we can.  I would love to share more later on about what we've learned and how we are going to try to put it into practice.  We also are starting a new chores sheet / budget chart this week with C to see how its going to work out before we get new girls in the house.  Basically we're growing and changing and trying to use what the Lord has taught us over the last few years to make this home even more successful.

Thanks for reading, for caring about this ministry, for your prayers and your partnership!