Sweet Provision and a little bit of Normalcy

As I wrote before the last few weeks have been crazy and just plain hard.  I was caring for a mom and her one and a half year old baby right here in my own home, really my own bedroom.  It was a 24 hour job of watching, not leaving them alone, fighting with her to get her to be a mom, giving up and just loving on the little guy myself, trying to have wisdom for when to fight and when to just let it go.  It was exhausting and honestly I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

But the Lord always knows.  He always knows what is best, even when its an option that I don’t even know exists or something that I had given up on already.

Tuesday I was done.  Exhausted, impatient, frustrated, just done.  But the Lord gave me a light, a glimmer of hope.  Maybe the hospital in Teguc would accept her after all… maybe there is a place that she could go for a little while and be safe and be cared for by people who actually know what they’re doing… and the Lord provided a way.  Wednesday morning we received the order from the doctor and early afternoon we were on the road.

Wednesday night was so hard for me on a personal level.  I had heard bits and pieces of her story before but never the whole thing hashed out like this in a 2 hour monologue as the doctor asked probing question after probing question.  It broke my heart that she has lived so long with so much pain and confusion and guilt.  And it was so hard to leave her because she was scared and sad and near tears as she clung to me one last time.

Thursday morning I saw her again, one last time before coming back to Ceiba, and what I saw in her was different… it was hope.  She doesn’t love that she has to be there, but they are helping her.  They are doing tests and trying medicine and for the first time I think she realizes she might not have to live like this forever.  There is HOPE – ESPERANZA that the Lord may give her a different future where she is better and really able to be the mom that she wants to be.  And that makes me excited.

We serve a God who is the ultimate healer.  Please join me in praying over the next month while she is there that the Lord would really give the doctors wisdom in treating her, that she would have someone there who she can really trust and talk to, and that the Lord would keep giving her hope that is really rooted in Him.  I’m excited to see what the Lord does.  And also, so excited that the Lord provided a way for the baby to stay with us in Puerta de Esperanza while she is gone and not have to go into foster care.  The Lord is so good even when I feel like my life is spinning out of control.  So thankful for that.