These past few weeks have been heavy and just hard. I finally said out loud on Saturday night that I have reached my breaking point. I can’t share details, but I have been caring for someone who is too much for me. I don’t have the tools that I need or the wisdom to really be able to help. That’s frustrates me. So I’m trying to find help and that’s not easy either. And that makes me angry. I want to be in Cary, NC where I know where to go and who to talk to and people don’t turn you away from the emergency room. I’m frustrated that there are not options and that I just don’t know what else to do. I’m frustrated that medication has side effects and I can’t decide which is worse, the sickness or the side effects. I just feel helpless.
I pride myself on helping. That’s what I do. I have a savior complex and I want to be able to rescue everyone. Bad news… sometimes I just can’t. And I need Jesus. Oh so badly I need Jesus. And just as importantly, the people I’m ministering don’t need me, they need Jesus. I pray that I will remember this and live it as I try to figure out tomorrow, as I try to set good boundaries and move forward.
But I want to praise the Lord for what my girls are learning. They are learning to pitch in and to help. They are learning that life is not all about them. They are learning what it likes to love sacrificially and how to be a real family. I am so very thankful for these lessons. I wouldn’t trade them.
praying for you
ReplyDeleteKnow all about the MEDs fandango ... lived it, moaned & groaned thru it - as much as it can restore a modicum of sanity - it can also twist one into knots(!)*cringe*
ReplyDeleteSuffering can lead us to a time when we are brought low - but brokenness can guide us to turn & grasp hungrily for His hand - realizing that ONLY Jehovah-Rapha heals.
Even tho it feels like defeat when we step back & have to 'let go' - it puts us back into the precious place of 'pray warrior' ... your role might be ==> to be still & pray - if the circumstances are complex it might take time - a lifetime(!) but over time, we'll marvel at the way the LORD will work! He teaches (everyone) thru humble reliance ... our testimony to His goodness will surely grow & grow - and truly, in tough times like these ==> so do we! *hug*
1 I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 I will glory in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the Lord, you his holy people,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from telling lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to blot out their name from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord will rescue his servants;
no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.
*hug* dear one. We are here. xo
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