behavior modification

Behavior modification.  Its what I so often teach without meaning to do it.  In fact, change of behavior without a change of heart is the last thing that I want to see happen.

Yesterday I had a hard day with Y.  She pushes me to my limit of frustration and then pushes me again.  Last week I explained the phrase “pushing my buttons” to her when she was in a good mood and she admitted that she knows she does it.  Great.  So, now stop :)  Not likely.  So yesterday was attitude problems while shopping, attitude problems at church, you get the point.  (You will not hide those bras on the shelf after we just spent 45 minutes finding 2 that fit you!  Ugh.)  Together we had previously decided on a consequence that she would receive for having a bad attitude so when we got home from church last night I kept her in the car with me after the others to explain that she would have to receive that consequence.  She tried to fight it and excuse away her behavior, but the consequence was firm.

And then I watched her face as the Lord softened her.  “I’m sorry Susana” she said, and she meant it.  She explained that she could sense that day in the mall a real battle going on in her head between what she wanted to do because she knew it was right and the temptation to throw a temper tantrum.  She really desires to change and be respectful and kind, but just can’t always make it happen.

Oh, I get that.  More than she knows. 

Today I realized that too often she has heard that if she doesn’t behave then people won’t love her, or she’s going to make people angry.  I never want that to be the motivation for her behavior.  Of course poor behavior has consequences and she’ll have to face them, but I want her to learn to pray and ask Jesus for a new heart that desires to love and respect and serve those around her.  I want her to see that it is God that will change her heart as she trusts in Him.  I don’t want her to live out of the fear of making me upset.  I want her to know the love of Jesus that doesn’t change no matter what we do or don’t do.  And I pray that she sees that reflected in some small way in me.

Tomorrow starts a week of fun and learning as we head to a retreat with the church.  Please pray for good teaching, good learning, and a chance for the girls to really make some friends and feel connected with the church community.

bye for now.