Tears

Today we started praying at dinner and when it got to my turn I just started crying.  It has been a heavy day.  The hardest part being here for me and trying to do what God has asked me to do is knowing how to help when people just don’t want or know how to receive it.  And I hate watching kids suffer for their parents poor choices.  But then you have to remember… that parent was once a kid suffering for their parent’s poor choices… and the cycle continues.

A girl that we have been interviewing for PDE has a 3 week old baby.  I love her.  I could cuddle her all day and never give her back.  She really is a little bundle of joy who got a cold.  No big deal, if you’re 5… when you’ve only been in the world for 3 weeks a cold needs a little more attention.  Monday we went to see Doctor Roger who works with Erin, is a pediatrician, and is awesome!  And he gave simple, easy to follow, instructions and medication to this 18 year old mom to take her baby home and care for her and avoid the public hospital (which we avoid at all costs).  So home they go… home with the baby’s daddy’s family even though he is not there and the mom only goes out of fear that if she doesn’t do what they want they will somehow take the baby away.

Today I get a call that the baby is worse and we are off to see the doctor again.  She failed at home treatment because there was no treatment… mom gave her tylenol and just decided not to do much else.  So she could be well, but now she needs more care than mom can give her which means PDE or the hospital.  We were ready to take her, but mom just can’t decide.  She is holding on to selfishness and her desires for her own life more than what is best for her baby.  She is clinging to a man who treats her terribly and isn’t even around, but his false promises keep her grasping for one more chance.

She is 18, but she is lost.  Her family, his family… they are “around”, but that means nothing.  They do nothing to support or help her… it was like pulling teeth to find someone to go to the hospital with her.  And in the end, she was calling me for more money…. for this, for that.  And I had to say no.  And I hate that.  But I can’t be your money tree if you don’t actually let me help you.  If you can’t say no to the things that have you trapped, then you’re not ready to see your future.  And that is so hard.

Please pray.  This girl needs Jesus… and strength to choose what is best for she and her daughter.  She needs to be able to see past today or tomorrow and dream for her future.  She needs to know that she can’t do this by herself and open her eyes to see that the people surrounding her can’t help her.  And the hardest part is that I can’t show her any of that, it has to be the Lord.  So tonight I am begging the Lord to use this sickness, her baby’s little life, to bring her to Himself, and to show her her need.

And as I pray, I’m just sad.