The Lord is really teaching me to trust these days, and it is hard. It is hard because I have a plan for this ministry and it doesn’t look anything like what happens on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like I get so excited about something or someone and then it fails. Well, to me it seems like failure. And yet the Lord has such a different perspective on success and failure that has very little in common with what I think.
Marlen is 23 years old and has a baby Saira who is about 6 months old. They are both really precious and we enjoyed our time with them. Marlen had gone all over the city looking for me and this ministry. When we finally got together we were both excited about the prospect of her joining us in PDE. She comes from an abusive past and a very poor family. She wants to be a good mom but lacks the resources to do so. She also has some bad habits that come from a life of being constantly defensive and on edge. She lies constantly because it has been a means of survival for her. She tries to manipulate things to her benefit because that is the only way that she knows. It is so hard to watch it because I can see the roots and I hate what she has suffered.
She loves her family dearly and has spent years taking care of her mom who is sick and weak. The day she said goodbye to her family to come and live at PDE was so sad for everyone involved. I had told her she had to be out of contact with them for one month while she figured out how to live in PDE and got adjusted there. And she just couldn’t do it. She missed her mom terribly and worried about her every day. She missed her freedom and her comfort zone and the life that she had always known. She was miserable at the girls’ house. And so, after 3 weeks she moved back home with her mom.
It is so hard for me because I want to think that our ministry is the best. I want to think that it is what she needs. But its not. She needs Jesus. In the time that she was with us she heard the Gospel clearly time after time… its not about what you do. God loves you, He wants you to know Him, it is a free gift, you need a Savior, you don’t have to earn it, grace is FREE! I know the seeds were planted. I know she wanted to believe it. She was praying and reading Scripture and listening… but the roots of having to earn God’s favor run really deep in her heart. What she needs is not PDE, what she needs is Jesus.
Please pray for Marlen and Saira as they are still heavy on my heart. I want her to know Jesus and the freedom that the Gospel brings. I want her to know that she is worth something and valuable and she doesn’t have to settle for any man that looks her way. I know she heard a lot of truth in the time that we had with her… pray for the Lord to use it, to keep surrounding her with His people, to keep speaking to her heart.
And pray for me… I am starting to think through our ministry and what really is best. It is hard to find girls who really want to change enough to stick it out and come live at PDE. Should we be doing more outreach, should we change our approach? I’m just doing some re-evaluating. But in the meantime I trust that the Word of God is powerful and every time we get to share it we are being obedient to what the Lord has called us to do. Even if the house is not full :)
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