Intertwined

Sometimes I get frustrated trying to think of to explain life here... family life and ministry life... at times seperate, but oh so intertwined. And I love it that way. I long time ago in a land far away I was in training to prepare me for this new adventure that would be my life in another country and although it was helpful, it didn't even touch what life here would really look like!

But one thing that we talked about sticks out to me... in talking about building friendships and ministering in a new culture it is important to not go in as the one who "knows it all". But humbly, as a learner, elevate those in your new culture, learn from them, show that you respect them because honestly, they know how to live in your new culture better than you do! This is so helpful in forming realationships and allowing you to earn the place to speak deeply into their lives.

Well, I'm not sure they intented for me to be such a learner that even in my own home I would marry a Honduran man and invest so deeply in the culture :) But the truth is that the truthes of that have stuck with me. But I haven't even had to do it on purpose. The girls at PDE are intertwined with us, they are irreversably a part of our lives here, a part of our family here. We spend so much time with us, they teach us things, they are our friends, we love sharing things with them.

A few weeks ago I was pretty sick... and sickness with four children is just not the same as single sickness where getting up once a hour to grab some water was sufficient. Sickness with children is impossible. And it was Thanksgiving and I was in charge of half the meal. Impossible when I could barely stand up. So B came over, cleaned my house, made me food, watched the kids, washed the dishes, helped make all my Thanksgiving foods, spent the night, and spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of gringos after having worked her tail off for 24 hours. And on her thankful link of the chain we were making she wrote... "I'm thankful to be a part of this family." And my eyes filled with tears when I saw it because I could only think... "I'm thankful that you are and for the way you have loved and served us so well." Intertwined.

K came over when we decorated for Christmas. She has been the most sad that we won't be here on Christmas day because she wanted to be able to celebrate with us! But she came over and put up Christmas ornaments and helped with the advent calendar and put up nativity scenes all over the house. And I read Christmas books to Andres and O and we put little tiny stockings on his feet like socks and we laughed and drank hot chocolate and she acted like one of my children. And my kids are the best because their daddy taught them a long time to ago to love anyone who comes into the house like family and they aren't jealous or bitter, they share what they have and they call people their family and they pray before every meal thanking God for whatever people happen to be sitting around the table that day. They always say "Thank you for Kenia that she is here." Whoever it happens to be that day...

K is teaching my kids to make corn tortillas, C fixes Nicolle's school uniform when the skirt is too long or the pants get a hole, J calls Lesther papi, they spend time at our house and have made their way into our hearts. Intertwined. And forever a part of our family.

Kids

I don't want to forget all the funny things my kids are doing and saying these days... but some of them I've already forgotten!

Andres says "monkey backpack" all the time as if its a conversation starter. But it kind of is since it makes anyone smile :) He thinks that the word for clock is ocho. The word for toilet is peepee potty. Where do you go peepee? In the peepee potty. Where do you go poo poo? In the peepee potty. He either says again or otratra vez because anything that is funny should clearly be done 3000 times. He loves to whisper hush along with the old lady from Goodnight Moon. He repeats everything! He says goodbye to water when you turn the shower off. And when he wants food he just asks for one. Una mami, una. He speaks Spanglish entirely refusing to say certain words in one language or the other.

The older three are constantly arguing over who speaks the most English. Its Nicolle, but I would never tell them that. And Dixi is a close second. I wish I could just have a tape recorder on them all the time as they switch back and forth from English to Spanish just using the words they know in each. Nicolle often insists (while speaking Spanish) that she is forgetting her Spanish and only speaks English now. All of them love the song by Bruno Mars "Today I don't feel like doing anything..." and break into song at any point in time. They also will just randomly tell me their memory verses when they feel like speaking English even though it is relevent to absolutely nothing. The two girls love to help me cook and I'm trying to figure out things they can make on their own. They help a lot with chores and are slowly getting to the point that I don't have to redo things when they are done :)

Today I had to laugh at Nicolle because she yelled from the backseat... "Mom... Dixi is touching me!" And I thought... yep, you speak enough English now that you are telling on each other in English.

This time with Dixi has been so fun and really not too hard of an adjustment. The kids really do play well together and are loving having another sibling around!

Goodbye and Reconciliation

Reconciliation... in my own words I would say that it is the renewal of right and healthy relationship that once was broken. The sweetest picture of this is my own life is my friendship with Christ. On my own strength I have no way to keep that relationship together, but Christ does the work of His side and mine... He is faithful enough for the both of us. And continues to draw me closer to Himself.

I believe that we see glimpses of reconciliation in our world and they are just incredible. Spouses who just couldn't see any option other than divorce that by the grace of God have a healthier marriage than ever, friends who experience healing through forgiveness and grace, estranged families being brought back together, and the list goes on.

For us making the decision for Y to move out of Puerta de Esperanza was heart-wrenching. She was our first girls who made the difference in PDE being a vision to a reality. She has a really tender place in my heart and I have watched her grow and change and mature and yet still have such deep scars. I want so badly to be able to "fix" things for her and make it all better. But the Lord has given me a thousand or so reminders that it is not my job. Its a good thing to want, but it has to happen in His time and in His way, and I am to be faithful to play my part in it and then just keep praying.

About three weeks ago Y made the decision to leave the home after a long string of poor behavior choices. She had threatened for a long time that she was going to run away or leave but was always able to be pursuaded to stay. This time her stubborness won out and she made enough bad choices that we didn't have a choice but to tell her that although we love her and she will always be part of our family she couldn't live in the home anymore. Wow. So hard. And then by the grace of God I got really sick.

I say by the grace of God because I couldn't do anything about her leaving until I felt better which gave her the chance to continue to live there, to feel the love of this family around her, to see their tears and know that she would be missed. It gave her time to council the other young girl to work hard to be able to stay, to take advantage of the opportunity. It gave her time to appreciate all the God has taught her and be thankful. It gave her time to say some goodbyes.

And the Lord provided Y's birth mom who has not lived with since she was 1 but who now is stable and kind and loves the Lord and has a stable family environment to offer. Could this be a picture of reconcilation? So many of Y's heart struggles have to do with her mom and feeling unloved and unwanted. And this same woman who she resents got on boat the very next day with a broken foot and came and hugged her and said she loved her and she wanted to take her home. She turned to me at one point nearly in tears and said... "I left her once, I am not going to do that again!" She could not have told me any more reassuring words than those.

It was still hard... she is a boat ride away with a family she doesn't really know yet and having a lot of time to think through things. Please pray. I am praying that this will be what the Lord uses to really get her attention. She has so much head knowledge of the Lord, but I just want her to know and understand forgiveness and grace and all that the Lord has for her. I spoke with her mom a lot about the Gospel and how much I long for Yajaira to really walk with the Lord and she promised to keep teaching her. So pray that not long from now I get a phone call that she finally gets it, finally understands what we have been teaching all this time.

And speaking of... little J has called me every day beacuse she misses us and doesn't understand this new direction of her little life. Please pray for her sweet heart to figure things out and settle in to her new home.

Its been emotional for all of us. But by the time I put her on the bus she hugged me in tears and said "Susana, I love you. Thank you for everything." I was just so thankful she didn't leave angry, but she knows she is very loved.