Forgiveness

I want to share with you a sweet story of forgiveness and learning and grace.  I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to communicate the weight of importance that this story really holds, but I’m willing to give it a shot.

One of the girls from PDE has been staying with me for awhile after her stay in the hospital.  She went back one morning to the girls’ house while I had some stuff I had to get done and apparently they weren’t ready for that.  One of the other girls started in on her saying really terrible things.  But the reaction wasn’t good either and the fine line between defending yourself and attacking the other person got crossed.  Soon they were just being downright nasty to one another and saying things that really you should never tell someone.

The morning ended with two girls who were both sad and broken and ashamed of the things they had said and done.  They both felt terrible and hated by the other.  They felt like it was not reconcilable.  Thankfully, that is not how our God works.

I talked a lot when we got back to the house that day about grace and forgiveness.  Forgiveness when the other person doesn’t ask for it, forgiveness when they continue to be mean to you.  And asking for forgiveness even when its hard and you don’t know how they’ll respond.  We talked about finding our security in who we are in Christ and not having to worry about what others think about us.  And little did I know that Dona Oneyda was counseling the very same thing to the other girl.

That night after church we got out to the car and the first thing I heard was a sweet report of reconciliation and forgiveness.  The Lord brought them to the same place at the same time.  They talked and were both surprised at the other’s apology.  One confessed that she has never asked for forgiveness like this before in her life.  And they forgave each other, they really did.  And I think they are friends… more now than before.

The Lord is sweet in what He is teaching them.  I love watching it.

Thankful

1. Grace and forgiveness
2. Patience
3. An ER doctor who is a friend from church
4. My team and fun hang-out nights with them
5. A relaxing afternoon at the pool
6. People who come into your life and enter in, even when its crazy
7. Skype and good friends at home
8. Spanish worship music
9. Verses that apply right where I am
10. Waffles… comfort food to the maximum :)

a few things

We’re home and everyone is safe and well.  There are still deep wounds and hurts that will take a long time to heal.  We are weary… well, I am weary.  I so badly need a nap that lasts two days.  But the Lord is good and is holding me up.

And life goes on.  Yesterday was Oneyda’s day off so I had the girls all day.  We went to the eye doctor and by way of miracle Y still even got to school on time.  Only one needs glasses, so that’s good, she also needs some expensive jaw treatment b/c they pulled a tooth on one side of her mouth and now she can’t open her mouth to really chew.  But that’s something to worry about next week.  We managed to feed everyone, buy groceries, take naps, make a new delicious fish recipe for dinner, and visit with some friends.  We had some breakdowns and two little ones who didn’t sleep much all night, but life is moving forward and we are learning.

Together we are learning about grace and forgiveness and unconditional love.  We are learning that the Lord does not give us a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of self-discipline.  And we are learning to trust the Lord enough to put ourselves out there for each other.

On other news… I’m just going to say it.  We need two more good umbrella strollers.  The one we have is like a tease.  Its this one http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11468610 and its awesome, but it only fits one baby :)  Please consider buying us a stroller and sending it down with the interns or a friend who is coming or a short-term team.  I can tell you who is coming.  I promise we would use it EVERY day!

Hope

The last 36 hours have found me in crisis mode just making it to the next 5 minutes without a chance to process or be sad or just break down and cry.  And I want to… but its just not time yet.  I hate that the effects of sin run so deep.  They penetrate the heart and mind causing anxiety, depression, anger, guilt…

One of my dear girls is in the hospital.  She cried out for help on Saturday night by making herself terribly sick.  She lives under a blanket of guilt and shame and it got to be too much.  She is finally in a safe place with people who love her, support her, care for her, and its in that safe place that she can let go and begin to process her life and its just too much sometimes.  She has been the victim of not only her own sin, but the sin of many others.  She has suffered.

And so we pray for hope, and healing.  For a good psychologist who can begin to work with her.  I pray that I can show her love the way that her heavenly Father loves her and is never giving up on her. 

Please pray with us.  Physically she is fine now, but pray for emotional healing.  Pray for me to have wisdom and discernment.  Pray that this will be a good time of learning for all of us on how to love someone when its hard and show them Jesus in the midst of suffering.  Pray for hope.

I have been trying to drill into the girls’ heads for weeks now that the Lord loves us and his love is faithful.  It is not based on what we do or don’t do.  He loves us because He decided to love us right where we are in the middle of our mess.  I pray that right now they will see and know this truth like never before.

Consistency

Still reading Joshua today and just thinking about the Lord’s perfect balance of consistency in discipline, grace to give us what we don’t deserve, justice, and mercy to give us forgiveness.  It was just so matter of fact… the Israelites wandered in the wilderness and lost a whole generation because of their sin and disobedience.  God is faithful to His word and he follows through with what He says.  And yet in his mercy He still gave the promised land to the next generation.

I long to find some kind of that balance in my life.  I want to know what it looks like first of all to receive all of this from the Lord.  I actually love rules because I love order and things that make sense.  And grace and mercy just don’t always make sense and its hard to believe sometimes that they really could be true.

But I also want to find this balance in how I love others and how I parent those who have put under my responsibility for the time being.  How do I show them such consistency with rules and order and discipline while at the same time showing them grace and mercy?  Its tricky, that’s for sure, and I err on the side of discipline and rules.  I have a lot to learn.  But its got me thinking and I think that's good.  I’m ready to listen and follow and trust the Lord to show me how this looks in real life.

Be Strong and Courageous

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I’ve been reading through Joshua recently and its crazy how the Lord makes new things jump out at me every time.  Of course I’ve read these verses before, but I don’t think I’d ever noticed just how many times it says… be strong and courageous.

They were about to walk into the great unknown.  I mean, they had no clue what was waiting for them on the other side.  And the Lord was preparing them for that, fortifying them for that, giving them all the strength that they needed to be ready to face what HE knew was coming.  It’s a good kind of peace to know that the Lord knows what is ahead for us even when we don’t have a clue.  And not only that, He gives us the strength we need to face it.  And He promises to go with us so we don’t have to do it alone.  Over the past couple weeks  I have really needed reminders of those promises.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in over my head.  I thought we would have 4 girls and at the moment 3 girls and 3 babies is more than enough :)  They have a new kind of need every day… emotionally, spiritually, physically… reminders to take their medicine, getting them to buy school supplies, spending time with them to remind them that Jesus loves them, whatever.  I LOVE what I do, but I had no idea what I was getting into :)  And then I have some semblance of a personal life outside of that to try and figure out too.  But today I don’t feel overwhelmed, even though there is just a lot going on.  I have been praying that I would be able to trust the Lord.  Just trust Him.  And rest in that.  He tells me to be strong and courageous, to not give up, to let Him walk with me, that He is preparing me.  Okay… I get it… today, I’ll try to rest.

a Garden

I’ll have to go take a picture soon… but today the girls are planting a garden!  Isn’t that fun?  Yesterday we bought flowers and seeds and dirt and today they’re putting them in.  I told C that for every pepper she grows she can afford to buy a box of jello… since its her favorite, that was very motivating :)  I love seeing them do new things, so this is really fun!