So now what?!?

Great question.  Its been a rough few weeks of disappointment and transition.  I have watched two girls walk back into lives that are not best for them.  I have watched them throw away opportunities, school, and a new understanding of family to go back to what they have always known.  I cling to the truth that God's Word does not come back void and that both of these girls hear the Gospel clearly many times while living with us.  I'm praying for them to really know and walk with Jesus, because they need Him so much more than they need PDE.

So what are we doing now that we have only one girl and one baby in the house?

Well... first of all, we are working with C and preparing her to graduate!  In December she will move out and become self-sufficient as she now has a stable job, loves Jesus, and is a great mom to W.  It is so encouraging that she has worked so hard and we have seen God change and mature her over these last few years!

We are praying!  I know of two other girls in nearby communities that fit our criteria, but who knows if they will come to the home.  I can say with certainty that there is never a lack of young single moms in need... its more just waiting on the Lord to show us which girls are a good fit for our home.  And praying that they find us at the right time.  We are putting the word out and are confident God will bring who He wants, when He wants.

We are changing.  This is the most calm that PDE has been since we started this ministry in 2012.  And man, we have learned a lot since then.  I want to re-train our house moms in some areas and revamp our rules and general running of the house.  We have seen lots of different girls come through the home, but there are some behavior themes that we need to work on how to handle in a Godly and patient way.  Oh the stories I could tell you :)  So I really see this time as necessary to pray and seek some wisdom and advice and make some really needed changes.

Also, will you pray something specific for us????  We NEED a psychologist who can work with the house moms and the girls at least once a week.  But not just any psychologist will do... I am specifically praying for someone who loves Jesus and agrees with us in vision and purpose and who has experience with abuse and broken families.  We're going on 2 years looking for this person and have yet to find her, but never have I felt the need so deeply as I do now.  After dealing with threats, suicide attempts, rape victims, and more... not to mention just depression, abandonment, defeat, and rebellion... we need help.  Please pray that the Lord will bring this person to our ministry!

Lastly, I'm going to try to focus during this time on support raising and getting us up to full monthly support.  Right now we have $5164 pledged monthly out of a necessary $8000.  If you would like to get more information about supporting us monthly, please email me at ssinnes@gmail.com.  If you support us monthly and would consider upping your support, even by just $10, that would make a big difference!  If you know people or churches who may be interested in our ministry, please contact me.  Support raising is one of the hardest parts of this ministry for me, especially to do it from being a country away.  So any help from our partners stateside is a huge encouragement!

Here's the info...
Puerta de Esperanza is account #92413
The donations link is here

Or you can mail a check to MTW with the e-giving form to

Mission to the World

P.O. Box 2589

Suwanee, GA 30024-0982

Another Goodbye

On Thursday we will have to say yet another goodbye as PDE has the fastest transition period since we started.

M's story has been heart-wrenching for me in many ways, but this past weekend was the hardest.  From the beginning she had asked to come live with us with only her son, leaving her daughter to be raised by her mom.  I told her no, and that she should bring both of them.  About a month later she asked again if she could send her back to her mom and I said no, she is the mom and needs to raise her children.  This past Friday after a very difficult period in the house with both she and K she asked me for the third and final time if she could send her daughter back to her mom who lives 7 hours away.  She said if she couldn't send her she was going to leave.

We talked in circles as I tried to get to the root issue of WHY???  Why would you want your daughter to be 7 hours away where she is going to grow up and not even know you?  Why do you want to take care of one child and not the other?  Why do you want to send her back to what you wanted to get away from?  Why, after seeing so many positive changes in her do you think that is a better situation?  And I just couldn't get good answers.  After hours of talking I had to conclude that she just doesn't want the responsibility of both children and the easier answer is to just not raise her.  Sadly, for this culture, that's normal.  Grandma regularly takes the first child and raises them as their own leaving their daughter without feeling the responsibility of being a mom and leading to that same daughter often having more children.

85% of the girls who I have interviewed for PDE or who have come to live us have been raised by someone other than their own mother.  Almost all of them have expressed feelings of abandonment and trust issues and just sadness that their own mother wouldn't want them.  Some of our deepest struggles with these girls have brought up the question... "How could you love me if my own mother didn't love me enough to raise me?"  This is especially true when they know that their mom raised other siblings but didn't raise them.

This weekend I barely slept.  I promised M to really consider the possibility of her sending her daughter to grandma.  I weighed both arguments, I saw positives in both, and I just prayed.  In the end I could not come to a place of peace about it and knew that I had to tell her that it was most important to me that she be in her daughter's life.  As much as I love her, I also love little Y and I feel like I have to be an advocate for her as she has no voice yet... and she needs her mom.  I knew it was likely that she would leave as a result.  And she is.

The good news is that we had some really sweet conversation and I think she understands why I make the decision, although she doesn't agree with it.  And we were able to study through Scripture about marriage and children and family and what a blessing and responsibility it is to be a mom.  All of this is new to her, she has no concept of a Godly family... but the seeds are there now and I pray that they will grow.

So as of Thursday C and W will be are only occupants at PDE.  It will seem sad and empty.  But I trust that God is in charge and already knows who is coming.  So we wait and trust.

Goodbyes are Never Easy

Its been a little over a year since K and O moved in with us.  It has been a tough year in a lot of ways for this girl.  She has really struggled to unlearn a lot of things from her past and relearn a new and different way to live with people and raise a child and put forth her best effort.  There are days where she is the sweetest and most dear girl I have ever met.  She can be so service oriented, works really hard in school, and turns out is very naturally talented at sewing.

But those old habits are hard to kill off and the desire to just run back to what she has always known won this time.  After a hard year of fighting with and for her, this morning K moved out.  I went and picked up her mom and had a chance to just talk to her about the things that I think K has learned and how she has grown and changed.  I got to share about her gifts and how I feel that she can continue to use them.  And then I also shared about the hard things, the biggest struggles for us with her and how I hope that her mom will still fight to be her parent and really teach her the things she needs to know and learn.  I hate to see her struggle with being so defensive and so angry and I pray that in this time out of the home God will continue to soften her heart and grow her into a humble girl who loves Jesus with her whole heart.  Can you pray that with me?

She wrote me a sweet note that I will treasure forever.  She is truly thankful for the chance to live with us and really thankful for each and every one of you who support us who made the time at the home possible for her.  She is already regretting her decision in some ways and yet stubbornly holding on to it in others.  She promised to try to keep going to class and make a better future for herself and her son.

I will be trying to keep in touch with her because she didn't go far :)  I am just praying that God will do miracles in her heart and that I will get the chance to see it!

Good Reminders

In the midst of a weekend where everything at PDE is in Limbo... God is reminding me of HIS faithfulness.  This home is HIS.  This ministry is HIS.  He will fill it with the girls that need to be there in HIS time and in HIS way.  HE is building HIS church and changing hearts and drawing people to Himself.  We are instruments in the process just begging every day that He would give us the direction that we need.

Today I got a call from a girl who came to visit PDE over a year ago.  She was newly pregnant at the time and had tried a home abortion that had failed.  In God's grace the baby was fine and we cried together when I took her to the doctor and she heard the heartbeat for the first time.  She was only 14.  She desperately wanted to come and live with us, but her mom said no.  So she stayed where she was, moved in with the baby's father, and life went on.  Every few months she calls just to say hello and let me know how she and the baby are doing.  And today she called again after calling just last week.  Today it was a plea... "Is there space?  Is the any way that I can come and live with you?  Things are hard, I'm not with my boyfriend, I don't know what to do or where to go."  Wow.

She is talking to her mom and they will be getting back with me soon.  Just pray again for us to have wisdom as we listen to God's voice and His direction.

default mode

I know I've been a terrible blogger recently.  The truth is that sometimes I just get overwhelmed and I don't even know where to begin when it comes to the heart issues that we deal with with these girls.  There is so much...

The default gear for each of them is to run.  Its all they know.  Giving up, defeat, going back to whatever they have always known.  When they don't agree with something... "Susana, I'm leaving."  When I tell them what to do... "It would be better if I leave."  When they have caused some kind of problem... "I don't want to ask for forgiveness, I'll just leave."

Yesterday was rough.

We had a hard conversation with K and M about discipline.  They came to the home knowing how we discipline the babies and agreeing to work with their kids in that way trusting it was what is best for them.  Now they have decided that they would rather raise them the way they were raised... letting them do whatever they want whenever they want.  I know that an 18 month old and a 2 year old do not know what is best for them and it is not the most loving thing to let them raise themselves.  The conversation turned into quite a big deal where really the girls were just trying to be so stubborn and threaten so many things that I would change the house rules.  Not going to happen.  So as I calmly explained that again and again they finally got frustrated enough that they both decided that they are moving out.  There you have it... the default to just run.

So they are taking through Monday, both of them, to think it through and make a final decision.

Also, one of the girls is very dishonest, which we have known, but more than I even thought that she was capable of came to light yesterday.  Even if she chooses not to leave we may have to ask her to do so.  And that will be terrible as well.

So please just pray.  Pray for wisdom on our part and for the girls.  We know this ministry and this home belong to the Lord and He knows exactly what is going to happen.

School!!!

Each of the girls that has come to PDE has come with a different level of education.  And here in Honduras things like education just look different :)

M finished up the 6th grade in 2009 and hasn't studied since.  Thankfully that worked in our favor last night as we went to try to get her registered to start high school (7th grade) in the same night school where K is doing 2nd grade.  They would not have been able to take her so late in the year as a transfer student, but as a new student they are going to let her in as long as she promised to work really hard to catch up with all the other students!  So I see 7th grade math homework in my future..............

I also got to meet K's teacher while I was there who said that she is doing great, both schoolwork and behavior-wise!  Praise the Lord!  Knowing the M came from the same home made them more willing to take a chance on her in the middle of the year.  I'm proud of K for setting a good example there.  Also K got her grades and is making all As and Bs, which is just awesome for someone who hasn't been to school since she was 6!

We are thankful for the opportunities that God gives these girls to study and learn and have a different future.  Please pray that M will be diligent to get her work done and get caught up!

Sewing Time

Two years ago three wonderful ladies came down to PDE in the midst of our first learning how to be a home and a ministry :)  They were here during a stressful time of change and transition and learning to trust the Lord with things that were way outside of our control.  And through it all they praying with and for us and were just a mature, steady presence.  I could not be more grateful for them.  Oh yes, and they taught the girls how to sew and brought sewing machines for them to use!

That was the start of something great... Carolina took off and has been making bags to sell ever since.  Kenia picked up scrap fabric and started making bags herself recently.  And now she is taking weekly sewing classes with someone from church.  Our girl who can barely see may just end up making her living as a seamstress, isn't God funny? :)

So it is a huge blessing that these ladies are back!  From SC to La Ceiba the girls were so excited that they were coming again and remember fondly their time with them.

This time we pulled them into doing preschool and Bible study as well!  So far its been wonderful :)