This week we started the search for new girls for PDE. This involves contacting lots of other missionaries around Honduras, people at the church, and prayer, lots of prayer. Will you pray with us? Will you pray for the two new girls that God already has in mind to come and be part of this ministry?
This is one of the parts of our ministry that makes it most clear that God is in charge and not us. He brings us exactly the people that He desires to put in the home. We never know where they will come from, how long they will stay, what they will learn... but he does. And we just have to be patient and listen and pay attention.
Its exciting and a little nerve-wracking. Its a walk of faith.
Now its just time to wait and see what God does!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Encouragement
God knew in the wake of B leaving that I needed some encouragement. Its so easy to feel like we are failing when things don't go the way we had planned. But we are working with people, not machines. Its not as easy as putting in the right formula and then waiting for the proper outcome. They are people, and sensitive ones at that with pasts I can only imagine. And lets not forget a sin nature. But I cling to the fact that failure looks different in the kingdom of God. What seems like failure from our perspective is often what God uses most powerfully.
Last night I got to talk to Y who recently moved out to be with her birth mother. For the two years that she lived with us we talked and went back and forth about theology. She grew up with her grandmother who faithfully took her to a church that I can only classify as being a cult with very legalistic theology. Its dangerous because on the surface they seem to have all the right answers and in fact, meeting her mom I really thought that she really knew Jesus because she gave me all the right answers. But last night Y shared with me that they are going to the same kind of church now where her mom lives.
Y has spent the last 2 years defending her church to me, its theology, its prophets, its teaching that you must pray three times a day and attend church daily in order to be saved. She was constantly worried about her salvation because we did not attend church every day and in her mind grace had no place. And so we studied and I showed her Scripture. We talked about grace and that it is God's grace that saves us not anything that we or don't do. Nothing that you do will make God love you more and nothing will make God love you less. He loves you, that it is nature, and He is faithful even when we are not.
Talking to her last night she is discouraged, but for the first time I hear a real desire in her to really know Jesus and God's grace in her life. She is going to church with her mom because her mom tells her she will lose her salvation. But for the first time she voiced that she doesn't agree... "that's not what I read when we studied the Bible" she told me. A prophet came to church and said things contrary to Scripture and although she has always defended prophets to the utmost last night she told me that God's Word is more important than a prophet. She wants to find a different church they let her bring her Bible and teach her from it.
So she's discouraged... but for a good reason. God is doing something in her heart and she is listening. She is restless and wants Spiritual change. Wow. And she had to leave (what seems like failure) to be able to get where she is. And I can say this... the Spiritual life of each of these girls is more important than whether or not we have 4 moms living in our children's home. I pray that God will draw them to Himself, each one, in His time. Wherever and whenever that needs to happen for their good and HIS glory!
Last night I got to talk to Y who recently moved out to be with her birth mother. For the two years that she lived with us we talked and went back and forth about theology. She grew up with her grandmother who faithfully took her to a church that I can only classify as being a cult with very legalistic theology. Its dangerous because on the surface they seem to have all the right answers and in fact, meeting her mom I really thought that she really knew Jesus because she gave me all the right answers. But last night Y shared with me that they are going to the same kind of church now where her mom lives.
Y has spent the last 2 years defending her church to me, its theology, its prophets, its teaching that you must pray three times a day and attend church daily in order to be saved. She was constantly worried about her salvation because we did not attend church every day and in her mind grace had no place. And so we studied and I showed her Scripture. We talked about grace and that it is God's grace that saves us not anything that we or don't do. Nothing that you do will make God love you more and nothing will make God love you less. He loves you, that it is nature, and He is faithful even when we are not.
Talking to her last night she is discouraged, but for the first time I hear a real desire in her to really know Jesus and God's grace in her life. She is going to church with her mom because her mom tells her she will lose her salvation. But for the first time she voiced that she doesn't agree... "that's not what I read when we studied the Bible" she told me. A prophet came to church and said things contrary to Scripture and although she has always defended prophets to the utmost last night she told me that God's Word is more important than a prophet. She wants to find a different church they let her bring her Bible and teach her from it.
So she's discouraged... but for a good reason. God is doing something in her heart and she is listening. She is restless and wants Spiritual change. Wow. And she had to leave (what seems like failure) to be able to get where she is. And I can say this... the Spiritual life of each of these girls is more important than whether or not we have 4 moms living in our children's home. I pray that God will draw them to Himself, each one, in His time. Wherever and whenever that needs to happen for their good and HIS glory!
American Dream
Was it the promise of the American dream?
Was it the inability to let go of a man who is the father of your baby?
Was it a drive for adventure?
I couldn't say. But I'm worried for her and about her.
Last week B started talking about going to the states. She has talked about it for awhile, always as a pipe dream. Or joking around with me... "when are you going to take me to the states? put me in your suitcase!" But she is exceptionally hard to read and this time I just couldn't decide if she was really serious... but it seemed like maybe she was this time.
Maybe I could have brought her to my house and locked the door and forced her not to go. She's 25, an adult. She has heard the Gospel plenty of times and knows all the right answers. She is motivated and a good mom to her daughter. I can't live her life for her, but I can challenge her on things... and pray.
We talked in circles. We talked about what God wants for her life. We talked about how God is providing for her by having her in Puerta de Esperanza and that this kind of education is more important than money. We talked about trusting God and respecting the government. We talked about danger along the way and cost of living in the US. We exhausted every topic we could think of. But when her mind is set, she hears nothing... she just nodded and laughed.
She doesn't have a plan, well, not a good one. She didn't take much money. Maybe we will see her again soon. Or maybe she'll call.
So yesterday afternoon the father of her baby came by and they left. Just like that. Until she actually walked out the door nobody believed she was really leaving. It just doesn't make sense. But she is gone. She left all her stuff, her clothes, the baby's things, and just left.
I definitely didn't write this into my ministry plan. But God knew. He always knew this would happen and he still brought her to us. He knew she needed the time she had with us and I trust that He is going to continue to use it and remind her of the truths she has learned.
Please pray... for safety, for her to trust the Lord more than what she wants, for her boyfriend to come to know the Lord. Oh... and so many other things.
Was it the inability to let go of a man who is the father of your baby?
Was it a drive for adventure?
I couldn't say. But I'm worried for her and about her.
Last week B started talking about going to the states. She has talked about it for awhile, always as a pipe dream. Or joking around with me... "when are you going to take me to the states? put me in your suitcase!" But she is exceptionally hard to read and this time I just couldn't decide if she was really serious... but it seemed like maybe she was this time.
Maybe I could have brought her to my house and locked the door and forced her not to go. She's 25, an adult. She has heard the Gospel plenty of times and knows all the right answers. She is motivated and a good mom to her daughter. I can't live her life for her, but I can challenge her on things... and pray.
We talked in circles. We talked about what God wants for her life. We talked about how God is providing for her by having her in Puerta de Esperanza and that this kind of education is more important than money. We talked about trusting God and respecting the government. We talked about danger along the way and cost of living in the US. We exhausted every topic we could think of. But when her mind is set, she hears nothing... she just nodded and laughed.
She doesn't have a plan, well, not a good one. She didn't take much money. Maybe we will see her again soon. Or maybe she'll call.
So yesterday afternoon the father of her baby came by and they left. Just like that. Until she actually walked out the door nobody believed she was really leaving. It just doesn't make sense. But she is gone. She left all her stuff, her clothes, the baby's things, and just left.
I definitely didn't write this into my ministry plan. But God knew. He always knew this would happen and he still brought her to us. He knew she needed the time she had with us and I trust that He is going to continue to use it and remind her of the truths she has learned.
Please pray... for safety, for her to trust the Lord more than what she wants, for her boyfriend to come to know the Lord. Oh... and so many other things.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
A new year
My computer screen recently had an unfortunate encounter with the corner of a kindle and 2 young girls resulting in a month's stay at the computer hospital. I cannot even begin to explain the helplessness of not having my computer. Crazy isn't it that its such a little thing, but without it I feel like I cannot communicate. Oh there are other electronics, but have you tried writing a newsletter on a smartphone? I tried. A few times. And then totally gave up. Its miserable. So...welcome back computer! And welcome back communication :)
This was a busy month for my family and for Puerta de Esperanza... I'll just start with some pictures :)
As a family we did a countdown advent calendar that my mom made for us! It was so fun getting to start new traditions with our kids this year... our first year as a family.
Although the kids' visas fell through, Lesther and I still got to travel and be with my family over the actual Christmas holiday. We got visit with friends and family, go to Amy's wedding, and just have a real vacation! But we missed the kids like crazy and were so happy to be home to see them!
The girls and babies spent Christmas together as a family and spent time with Jennifer as well. A local Honduran family welcomed them in for Christmas Eve and they got to have tamales and traditional Honduran celebration. We are so thankful for the people here locally who love on our girls and welcome them into their families. It is a huge blessing.
They also got a Christmas box from a family in Cary. It was SO fun to get to open it with them and see their faces when they saw all the wrapped presents in there for THEM! They had Santa hats and stuffed animals and flavored popcorn and all kinds of goodies. So Christmas morning with Jennifer the tree was full of fun gifts. When I got back W went running to his room to get all his new toys to show me :) And we even have some stuff to send on to J who is now living in another city with her mom. She is going to be so excited to get some late Christmas gifts.
Both of our little babies turned one while we were in the states. So last Sunday we celebrated! Piñata, friends, cake, food, family... what more could you want? It threatened to rain, so we moved from the beach to our house, but I loved having everyone here. Both the little ones were scared of the piñata, but definitely had no problems with the cake :)
Please be praying for our girls. It has been a good week, but a hard one. Its been a week where they are coming face to face with what it looks like to really know and walk with Jesus. He wants your everything... not just your Sundays and your empty words. He wants to be a part of your decisions. He wants you to learn from His love and mercy, grace and forgiveness and let that overflow to others. He has healing in mind for hard things from your past. He wants to chip away at your resentful heart. He has a good future in mind for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean wealth and ease. We've been talking around in circles about some of these things. But praying every day for the Holy Spirit to break through the walls that time and sin and a hard past have put up. We are praying for the Gospel to be more powerful than cultural norms and for God to bring lasting change. And when He does... it is beautiful.
This was a busy month for my family and for Puerta de Esperanza... I'll just start with some pictures :)
As a family we did a countdown advent calendar that my mom made for us! It was so fun getting to start new traditions with our kids this year... our first year as a family.Although the kids' visas fell through, Lesther and I still got to travel and be with my family over the actual Christmas holiday. We got visit with friends and family, go to Amy's wedding, and just have a real vacation! But we missed the kids like crazy and were so happy to be home to see them!
The girls and babies spent Christmas together as a family and spent time with Jennifer as well. A local Honduran family welcomed them in for Christmas Eve and they got to have tamales and traditional Honduran celebration. We are so thankful for the people here locally who love on our girls and welcome them into their families. It is a huge blessing.
They also got a Christmas box from a family in Cary. It was SO fun to get to open it with them and see their faces when they saw all the wrapped presents in there for THEM! They had Santa hats and stuffed animals and flavored popcorn and all kinds of goodies. So Christmas morning with Jennifer the tree was full of fun gifts. When I got back W went running to his room to get all his new toys to show me :) And we even have some stuff to send on to J who is now living in another city with her mom. She is going to be so excited to get some late Christmas gifts.
Both of our little babies turned one while we were in the states. So last Sunday we celebrated! Piñata, friends, cake, food, family... what more could you want? It threatened to rain, so we moved from the beach to our house, but I loved having everyone here. Both the little ones were scared of the piñata, but definitely had no problems with the cake :)Please be praying for our girls. It has been a good week, but a hard one. Its been a week where they are coming face to face with what it looks like to really know and walk with Jesus. He wants your everything... not just your Sundays and your empty words. He wants to be a part of your decisions. He wants you to learn from His love and mercy, grace and forgiveness and let that overflow to others. He has healing in mind for hard things from your past. He wants to chip away at your resentful heart. He has a good future in mind for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean wealth and ease. We've been talking around in circles about some of these things. But praying every day for the Holy Spirit to break through the walls that time and sin and a hard past have put up. We are praying for the Gospel to be more powerful than cultural norms and for God to bring lasting change. And when He does... it is beautiful.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Intertwined
Sometimes I get frustrated trying to think of to explain life here... family life and ministry life... at times seperate, but oh so intertwined. And I love it that way. I long time ago in a land far away I was in training to prepare me for this new adventure that would be my life in another country and although it was helpful, it didn't even touch what life here would really look like!
But one thing that we talked about sticks out to me... in talking about building friendships and ministering in a new culture it is important to not go in as the one who "knows it all". But humbly, as a learner, elevate those in your new culture, learn from them, show that you respect them because honestly, they know how to live in your new culture better than you do! This is so helpful in forming realationships and allowing you to earn the place to speak deeply into their lives.
Well, I'm not sure they intented for me to be such a learner that even in my own home I would marry a Honduran man and invest so deeply in the culture :) But the truth is that the truthes of that have stuck with me. But I haven't even had to do it on purpose. The girls at PDE are intertwined with us, they are irreversably a part of our lives here, a part of our family here. We spend so much time with us, they teach us things, they are our friends, we love sharing things with them.
A few weeks ago I was pretty sick... and sickness with four children is just not the same as single sickness where getting up once a hour to grab some water was sufficient. Sickness with children is impossible. And it was Thanksgiving and I was in charge of half the meal. Impossible when I could barely stand up. So B came over, cleaned my house, made me food, watched the kids, washed the dishes, helped make all my Thanksgiving foods, spent the night, and spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of gringos after having worked her tail off for 24 hours. And on her thankful link of the chain we were making she wrote... "I'm thankful to be a part of this family." And my eyes filled with tears when I saw it because I could only think... "I'm thankful that you are and for the way you have loved and served us so well." Intertwined.
K came over when we decorated for Christmas. She has been the most sad that we won't be here on Christmas day because she wanted to be able to celebrate with us! But she came over and put up Christmas ornaments and helped with the advent calendar and put up nativity scenes all over the house. And I read Christmas books to Andres and O and we put little tiny stockings on his feet like socks and we laughed and drank hot chocolate and she acted like one of my children. And my kids are the best because their daddy taught them a long time to ago to love anyone who comes into the house like family and they aren't jealous or bitter, they share what they have and they call people their family and they pray before every meal thanking God for whatever people happen to be sitting around the table that day. They always say "Thank you for Kenia that she is here." Whoever it happens to be that day...
K is teaching my kids to make corn tortillas, C fixes Nicolle's school uniform when the skirt is too long or the pants get a hole, J calls Lesther papi, they spend time at our house and have made their way into our hearts. Intertwined. And forever a part of our family.
But one thing that we talked about sticks out to me... in talking about building friendships and ministering in a new culture it is important to not go in as the one who "knows it all". But humbly, as a learner, elevate those in your new culture, learn from them, show that you respect them because honestly, they know how to live in your new culture better than you do! This is so helpful in forming realationships and allowing you to earn the place to speak deeply into their lives.
Well, I'm not sure they intented for me to be such a learner that even in my own home I would marry a Honduran man and invest so deeply in the culture :) But the truth is that the truthes of that have stuck with me. But I haven't even had to do it on purpose. The girls at PDE are intertwined with us, they are irreversably a part of our lives here, a part of our family here. We spend so much time with us, they teach us things, they are our friends, we love sharing things with them.A few weeks ago I was pretty sick... and sickness with four children is just not the same as single sickness where getting up once a hour to grab some water was sufficient. Sickness with children is impossible. And it was Thanksgiving and I was in charge of half the meal. Impossible when I could barely stand up. So B came over, cleaned my house, made me food, watched the kids, washed the dishes, helped make all my Thanksgiving foods, spent the night, and spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of gringos after having worked her tail off for 24 hours. And on her thankful link of the chain we were making she wrote... "I'm thankful to be a part of this family." And my eyes filled with tears when I saw it because I could only think... "I'm thankful that you are and for the way you have loved and served us so well." Intertwined.
K came over when we decorated for Christmas. She has been the most sad that we won't be here on Christmas day because she wanted to be able to celebrate with us! But she came over and put up Christmas ornaments and helped with the advent calendar and put up nativity scenes all over the house. And I read Christmas books to Andres and O and we put little tiny stockings on his feet like socks and we laughed and drank hot chocolate and she acted like one of my children. And my kids are the best because their daddy taught them a long time to ago to love anyone who comes into the house like family and they aren't jealous or bitter, they share what they have and they call people their family and they pray before every meal thanking God for whatever people happen to be sitting around the table that day. They always say "Thank you for Kenia that she is here." Whoever it happens to be that day...K is teaching my kids to make corn tortillas, C fixes Nicolle's school uniform when the skirt is too long or the pants get a hole, J calls Lesther papi, they spend time at our house and have made their way into our hearts. Intertwined. And forever a part of our family.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Kids
I don't want to forget all the funny things my kids are doing and saying these days... but some of them I've already forgotten!
Andres says "monkey backpack" all the time as if its a conversation starter. But it kind of is since it makes anyone smile :) He thinks that the word for clock is ocho. The word for toilet is peepee potty. Where do you go peepee? In the peepee potty. Where do you go poo poo? In the peepee potty. He either says again or otratra vez because anything that is funny should clearly be done 3000 times. He loves to whisper hush along with the old lady from Goodnight Moon. He repeats everything! He says goodbye to water when you turn the shower off. And when he wants food he just asks for one. Una mami, una. He speaks Spanglish entirely refusing to say certain words in one language or the other.
The older three are constantly arguing over who speaks the most English. Its Nicolle, but I would never tell them that. And Dixi is a close second. I wish I could just have a tape recorder on them all the time as they switch back and forth from English to Spanish just using the words they know in each. Nicolle often insists (while speaking Spanish) that she is forgetting her Spanish and only speaks English now. All of them love the song by Bruno Mars "Today I don't feel like doing anything..." and break into song at any point in time. They also will just randomly tell me their memory verses when they feel like speaking English even though it is relevent to absolutely nothing. The two girls love to help me cook and I'm trying to figure out things they can make on their own. They help a lot with chores and are slowly getting to the point that I don't have to redo things when they are done :)
Today I had to laugh at Nicolle because she yelled from the backseat... "Mom... Dixi is touching me!" And I thought... yep, you speak enough English now that you are telling on each other in English.
This time with Dixi has been so fun and really not too hard of an adjustment. The kids really do play well together and are loving having another sibling around!
Goodbye and Reconciliation
Reconciliation... in my own words I would say that it is the renewal of right and healthy relationship that once was broken. The sweetest picture of this is my own life is my friendship with Christ. On my own strength I have no way to keep that relationship together, but Christ does the work of His side and mine... He is faithful enough for the both of us. And continues to draw me closer to Himself.
I believe that we see glimpses of reconciliation in our world and they are just incredible. Spouses who just couldn't see any option other than divorce that by the grace of God have a healthier marriage than ever, friends who experience healing through forgiveness and grace, estranged families being brought back together, and the list goes on.
For us making the decision for Y to move out of Puerta de Esperanza was heart-wrenching. She was our first girls who made the difference in PDE being a vision to a reality. She has a really tender place in my heart and I have watched her grow and change and mature and yet still have such deep scars. I want so badly to be able to "fix" things for her and make it all better. But the Lord has given me a thousand or so reminders that it is not my job. Its a good thing to want, but it has to happen in His time and in His way, and I am to be faithful to play my part in it and then just keep praying.
About three weeks ago Y made the decision to leave the home after a long string of poor behavior choices. She had threatened for a long time that she was going to run away or leave but was always able to be pursuaded to stay. This time her stubborness won out and she made enough bad choices that we didn't have a choice but to tell her that although we love her and she will always be part of our family she couldn't live in the home anymore. Wow. So hard. And then by the grace of God I got really sick.
I say by the grace of God because I couldn't do anything about her leaving until I felt better which gave her the chance to continue to live there, to feel the love of this family around her, to see their tears and know that she would be missed. It gave her time to council the other young girl to work hard to be able to stay, to take advantage of the opportunity. It gave her time to appreciate all the God has taught her and be thankful. It gave her time to say some goodbyes.
And the Lord provided Y's birth mom who has not lived with since she was 1 but who now is stable and kind and loves the Lord and has a stable family environment to offer. Could this be a picture of reconcilation? So many of Y's heart struggles have to do with her mom and feeling unloved and unwanted. And this same woman who she resents got on boat the very next day with a broken foot and came and hugged her and said she loved her and she wanted to take her home. She turned to me at one point nearly in tears and said... "I left her once, I am not going to do that again!" She could not have told me any more reassuring words than those.
It was still hard... she is a boat ride away with a family she doesn't really know yet and having a lot of time to think through things. Please pray. I am praying that this will be what the Lord uses to really get her attention. She has so much head knowledge of the Lord, but I just want her to know and understand forgiveness and grace and all that the Lord has for her. I spoke with her mom a lot about the Gospel and how much I long for Yajaira to really walk with the Lord and she promised to keep teaching her. So pray that not long from now I get a phone call that she finally gets it, finally understands what we have been teaching all this time.
And speaking of... little J has called me every day beacuse she misses us and doesn't understand this new direction of her little life. Please pray for her sweet heart to figure things out and settle in to her new home.
Its been emotional for all of us. But by the time I put her on the bus she hugged me in tears and said "Susana, I love you. Thank you for everything." I was just so thankful she didn't leave angry, but she knows she is very loved.
I believe that we see glimpses of reconciliation in our world and they are just incredible. Spouses who just couldn't see any option other than divorce that by the grace of God have a healthier marriage than ever, friends who experience healing through forgiveness and grace, estranged families being brought back together, and the list goes on.
For us making the decision for Y to move out of Puerta de Esperanza was heart-wrenching. She was our first girls who made the difference in PDE being a vision to a reality. She has a really tender place in my heart and I have watched her grow and change and mature and yet still have such deep scars. I want so badly to be able to "fix" things for her and make it all better. But the Lord has given me a thousand or so reminders that it is not my job. Its a good thing to want, but it has to happen in His time and in His way, and I am to be faithful to play my part in it and then just keep praying.
About three weeks ago Y made the decision to leave the home after a long string of poor behavior choices. She had threatened for a long time that she was going to run away or leave but was always able to be pursuaded to stay. This time her stubborness won out and she made enough bad choices that we didn't have a choice but to tell her that although we love her and she will always be part of our family she couldn't live in the home anymore. Wow. So hard. And then by the grace of God I got really sick.
I say by the grace of God because I couldn't do anything about her leaving until I felt better which gave her the chance to continue to live there, to feel the love of this family around her, to see their tears and know that she would be missed. It gave her time to council the other young girl to work hard to be able to stay, to take advantage of the opportunity. It gave her time to appreciate all the God has taught her and be thankful. It gave her time to say some goodbyes.
And the Lord provided Y's birth mom who has not lived with since she was 1 but who now is stable and kind and loves the Lord and has a stable family environment to offer. Could this be a picture of reconcilation? So many of Y's heart struggles have to do with her mom and feeling unloved and unwanted. And this same woman who she resents got on boat the very next day with a broken foot and came and hugged her and said she loved her and she wanted to take her home. She turned to me at one point nearly in tears and said... "I left her once, I am not going to do that again!" She could not have told me any more reassuring words than those.
It was still hard... she is a boat ride away with a family she doesn't really know yet and having a lot of time to think through things. Please pray. I am praying that this will be what the Lord uses to really get her attention. She has so much head knowledge of the Lord, but I just want her to know and understand forgiveness and grace and all that the Lord has for her. I spoke with her mom a lot about the Gospel and how much I long for Yajaira to really walk with the Lord and she promised to keep teaching her. So pray that not long from now I get a phone call that she finally gets it, finally understands what we have been teaching all this time.
And speaking of... little J has called me every day beacuse she misses us and doesn't understand this new direction of her little life. Please pray for her sweet heart to figure things out and settle in to her new home.Its been emotional for all of us. But by the time I put her on the bus she hugged me in tears and said "Susana, I love you. Thank you for everything." I was just so thankful she didn't leave angry, but she knows she is very loved.
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