Why I was a math major…

So we’ve reached that point in Spanish that is all too reminiscent of miserable days in high school and college English classes.  It’s the feeling that I get when I’m biting my tongue to not argue my point with the teacher, because it ultimately doesn’t matter.  Why does this happen?

The answer is simple: perception.

Math is very black and white.  You solve for the answer and you’re either right or wrong.  No questions.

Languages on the other hand are just really complicated.  You can say something and I can take it one of 4 ways.  I can write a poem and you can read into it 100 things that I never meant to say.  I can listen to a song and apply it to my life circumstance right now when it was written from a totally different point of view.

There is something really beautiful and appealing about language for this reason.  It gets to our hearts.  Its how we express ourselves.  It gives a way to communicate things that aren’t always black and white issues.  And I love that.

But I don’t like having it in the classroom.  My perfectionist nature balks against getting points off on my test because I didn’t read something from the same perspective as the teacher.  But that’s pride.  And I’m learning to let things go.  It’s a good lesson for me and one that is much needed.

February Newsletter... just a few days late!

February 2011

Bananagrams

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE bananagrams in Spanish? It makes me feel like I'm learning when I can make a board with 30 words that I didn't even know existed 8 months ago. And every time I play it gets easier and I know more words. And I find myself using new conjugations that I'm learning and new vocabulary. Its just fun.

So, there's my plug. Play bananagrams :)

Freedom

“I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart FREE!” – Psalm 119:32

In class on Friday I had to talk about the difference between freedom and licentiousness.  When she gave the assignment and I choose my set of words, I honestly had no idea what I was choosing.  She had written them up on the board and since I recognized “libertad” I thought, why not?  I had no idea what the other word meant at a time.  Well… pretty sure if she’d realized the sermonette it would have turned into, she would have assigned me a different set of words :)

The truth is this is something that brings up really strong emotions in my heart.  In fact, I tear up just thinking about it.  It makes me think of people in my life who have chosen to seek freedom outside of the Lord and the great cost to them because they will never find it.  It makes my heart hurt for those that I love who think that living above the rules (whether moral or lawful) will bring them the freedom they are seeking.  And it makes me hurt for the many times that this has been me… and how hard-headed I am that it will be me again.

I remember my dad saying one time that freedom comes from following the rules.  And my dad is a rule-follower.  If you know him you will understand that learning to drive with dad meant you never went a half-mile over the speed limit.  If we ever want to be on time and we’re running late, dad doesn’t get to drive.  And I remember getting a lecture for sneaking food into the movie theater.  You get the point.

But then I think about moments in my life when I’ve seen the flashing lights come behind me knowing that I’m going over the speed limit or seeing the employee at the theater walk towards me and my contraband.  And I have to agree with my dad… that sure doesn’t feel like freedom.

The Lord has taught me, no scratch that, is still teaching me, that real freedom comes in obedience.  He has given me GREAT freedom from sin and from an obligation to the law.  And He has given me a beautiful picture of His great love for me and shown me repeatedly that He can be trusted.  And then, as the Jesus Storybook Bible puts it, He gave me rules “to show how life works best”.  The problem is I don’t always believe Him that His way is the best way and I try it out my way first.

I love the verse I put at the top of this novel-like post (sorry for that by the way).

“I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart FREE!” – Psalm 119:32

That’s the thing isn’t it?  That knowing my great freedom in Christ, He has freed me up to run after Him, to obey His law, to seek the heart of God and in doing so run after all the things that are ultimately best for me.  What great freedom comes from living in obedience to so great a love. 

I so desperately want to believe and remember this every day of my life.

Channeling the inner nerd

True confessions tonight. The Lord knew that I needed some encouragement. It has been a rough week of Spanish. I feel like my Spanish is MUCH worse than it was three weeks ago. Three weeks ago I could speak semi-fluidly and mostly get my point across. Stupid subjuntive has ruined my life and made me realize that about half of what I said was wrong. Awesome. So now every time I open my mouth to speak in Spanish, I second guess myself and stumble over all my words. Its terribly disheartening.

And then to add insult to injury I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday. How disappointing to enter into the shocking reality that it is, as has been all day, Friday. Thankfully we were talking about “I wish” with impossibilities in class today. So I got to let everyone know how much I wished it was Friday over and over again…

Ojalá que hoy fuera viernes.
Ojalá que mañana fuera sabado.
Ojalá que ayer hubiera ido jueves.

It seriously made my heart sad and put me in a semi-bad mood.

So then tonight I was super frustrated with computers, wanted to eat Lucky Charms for dinner, but didn’t have any milk, feeling frustrated that my hair still isn’t long enough to stay in a pony-tail… oh woe is me.

And then that boast of encouragement that I needed came. Who would have thought it would be a skype tutor session in Calculus… but indeed! One of the girls from home called me with a calculus test looming over her head for tomorrow and a homework set due at 11. Praise the Lord I am good at something! It was so good for my heart to be able to help her make formulas and do derivatives. I am such a nerd. I could literally do math problems for hours (and I have!). It sucks me in and I love the way it is a challenge and makes me think and solve the puzzle. I got a graphing calculator app for my ipod that makes me super excited (again, the inner nerd, let’s not judge).

It just feels good to have something that you’re good at and something that you have to offer. So… tonight in the midst of all the Spanish that I cannot seem to make come out of my mouth, I’m thankful for Calculus!

Jars of Clay

Maybe this is just an old-school kind of night because I’m also listening to the first Jars of Clay and I can’t get my homework done because I can’t stop singing along.

Man, these songs are so good…

This one is my favorite from the album and was also my theme song for pretty much my whole freshman year of college… Liz will remember :)  We only played it on the guitar EVERY day!

Worlds Apart lyrics
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide

With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?

All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

La Princesa Prometida

So for tomorrow I have to summarize a movie in Spanish for my class.  When thinking through some old favorites, I of course stumbled upon a classic… The Princess Bride.  Man, what a good movie!  I love it.  And the best part is its not too complicated so I should be able to explain it in Spanish.  I wish I could translate quotes because some of them are just so funny!  But since I can’t… here they are in English…

Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inigo Montoya: He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH.

(for more http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/quotes)